Men's Wear

anglgrl718

My fiance and I are having a semi-formal wedding. With that being said he doesn't want to wear a tux. I am fine with whatever he wants to wear, I just want him to be comfortable on the day. He wants to wear black pants and a white linen button down shirt. I'm not exactly sure on his vision but he cleans up nicely and I trust him. Problem is my mother. She is absolutely against him and his groomsmen not wearing tuxes. She thinks this is a formal occasion and that is what they should wear. I haven't gotten his mother's opinion on this subject yet. My mom thinks, and she's probably right, that she gets more of a say since she's paying for half the wedding. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we could compromise on this situation because i'm kinda stuck in the middle. Both my fiance and my mom are arguing with each other but through me and I feel uncomfortable now. We still have 10 months to go before our wedding and I cannot take this for another 10 months, andi've tried telling them both to give it a rest, he's fine with that, she's not. 

twilight.rose

Really, when it comes to attire, I think that the bride and groom should get to choose their own clothing (within reason) regardless of who is paying.

I think whomever is paying for the event gets some say in the guest list, etc, but you are grown people who can dress yourselves. If the event is semi-formal, a tuxedo is not required etiquette-wise. Perhaps you could get them to compromise by having your FI wear a suit?

Cleo7

Ask your mom how she would feel if your FMIL was trying to tell you what style of dress you could and could not wear. 

I  100% agree with PP that the B&G should choose what they want to wear.

Why does your FI feel so strongly about what he wants to wear?  Are the two of you on the same page about the tone/style of your wedding in general?  If the two of you are able to communicate what you want and why, it may make it easier for others to understand.  At the same time - your mom might not ever get on board with this idea, and you may have to come to terms with that.  

I've seen some pretty formal weddings at which the groom and GMs didn't wear tuxes and it all looked great.  I've also see others that were overall less formal and more laid-back, and the groom and his attendants wore tuxes, and it worked. 

mbcdefg

Well, it's your wedding, so you and your FI should be making the call on what you want to wear. If Mommy doesn't like it, tough. If she threatens to withdraw her monetary support, then pay for your own wedding so that you can do whatever you please without anyone's input. If you want her money, then suck it up and do what she tells you to do. In either case, avoid the subject with your mother, and ignore her if SHE brings it up.

However, I have to say that pants and a linen shirt don't really say "semi-formal" to me. What does your gown look like? Unless your gown is on the more simple/casual side, I really think your FI isn't going to look right in a linen shirt. Not that it'll hurt anyone if he DOES wear that outfit even if you're in a formal gown, but I think things look a lot better when everyone's on the same formality level, no matter what formality level that happens to be.

If you want to compromise, I'd suggest that he wears a black suit, dress shirt and tie. Or a tan suit with a white shirt, with or without a tie. Or khaki pants, a white dress shirt and either a blazer or a vest, with or without a tie.

Can you show us a photo of your gown?

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_mens-wear?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:b0c89dae-7192-4861-9c6e-11dd12341477Post:57d105b5-4ac5-439b-b58e-4b3d8c061ce1">Re: Men's Wear</a>:
[QUOTE]Really, when it comes to attire, I think that the bride and groom should get to choose their own clothing (within reason) regardless of who is paying. I think whomever is paying for the event gets some say in the guest list, etc, but you are grown people who can dress yourselves. Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]

Ditto on that.

<em>Here's what WikiAnswers has to say about semi-formal men's attire in North America</em>:

For men, semi-formal attire means wearing a full suit, with vest optional. A tie, either bow or straight, should be worn, and the shirt should be a simple button down. Suit fabric choices are primarily wool <u>gabardine</u> or cashmere. However, a wool blend will do. <u>Linen</u> or seersucker suits are not formal enough for semi-formal attire. Dress shoes like oxfords are worn. It is not necessary to wear a tuxedo, and one might be considered a bit overdressed for a semi-formal event showing up in a tux.

ProperSuit

It might be best to find middle ground, like a black suit that is formal enough for her but laid back enough for him.  

Recently we suited up a beautiful outdoor wedding in Portugal and you can see the pictures in the link below.  Perhaps he might like something like this with a notch lapel?

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=194591&id=262831604701&ref=mf

support@propersuit.com