How to tell MIL you already bought the dress without her???

sillygreenbunny

 My mother passed away about 13 years ago, so I knew that when it came to starting to  looking for the dress I would love to have my future MIL come with. I thought it would a great bonding opportunity, and be nice to have a 'mother' with me while looking for that special dress. We looked at halls together and had such a great time. I figured shopping for the dress would be the same. 

Long story short, my MIL and I have a difference of opinion. I have always pictured myself in something simple--no beading, long train, and sleeves...no strapless because I am a bit on the busty side. My MIL-- different story she started telling me the price was too high on the dresses (my budget was 500...she was not paying for the dress either) and picking out things not at all reflecting my style, even after me showing her pictures before hand and telling her my likes and dislikes with the dresses I tried on.  The last dress I tried on of the day really stood out to me for some reason and I think in my gut I knew it was the one. MIL absoultely hated it  

I have never been the type of person to want any drama or issues, so I quietly agreed with her and left for the day.I understand that she was probably trying to be helpful and I'm sure didn't mean any real harm.  While in the car, she proceeded to tell  me that my dream dress was a strapless beaded number on sale as is for 250.  I really didn't know what to say at that point because I don't want to hurt her feelings at all. I mean I want her to like me and I didn't want to ruin the bonding that has taken place so far.  

About a week and a half later I made an appointment with the same bridal salon and went alone. I didn't even bother taking any of my family or friends with me to dress shop either. Because of how much I like to please others I figured this was the only way I could make sure I was pleasing me and not just everyone else.  I just couldn't stop thinking about that dress from before. I tried on a few additional but deep down I knew that I already knew that was my dress. Trying it on again it just hit me that this was it, teary eyed and all!  So I decided to buy it and I couldn't be happier. 

Now that I have the dress, I am worried about how to tell my MIL that I bought it and bought it without her. It also doesn't help that she didn't like the dress at all. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also didn't want to just get a dress she liked for the fear of her being mad at me for not doing what she wanted and it not at all be something I am comfortable with or like. 

Does anyone have an thoughts on how to make this go smoothly on telling her that I have the dress thing covered??

JoanE2012

I doubt she'll remember the exact dress when she sees it next.  And even so, YOU are the one wearing it, not her.  Just tell her this is your style, you feel comfortable and, most importantly, you feel beautiful.  Thank her for all her help and guidance in the process.  Done.

halfbreedfox

I would suggest taking her back to the bridal salon and staging the whole thing as if you never bought the dress (I have a friend who works at a David's Bridal and she has to do these things quite often), but since your mother-in-law seems to be very vocal about being against your personal tastes, you might need to take a more round about approach like CMGr suggests.

calliopeia2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_how-to-tell-mil-you-already-bought-the-dress-without-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:b5b79b07-162a-4eae-aa22-72c99694da06Post:c7e5b450-220c-4c59-ac3c-bf1b9d077233">Re: How to tell MIL you already bought the dress without her???</a>:
[QUOTE]I would suggest taking her back to the bridal salon and staging the whole thing as if you never bought the dress (I have a friend who works at a David's Bridal and she has to do these things quite often), but since your mother-in-law seems to be very vocal about being against your personal tastes, you might need to take a more round about approach like CMGr suggests.
Posted by halfbreedfox[/QUOTE]

Oh Lord, please don't do this.  If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to communicate with your MIL without telling lies like a naughty child.

TheOnion

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_how-to-tell-mil-you-already-bought-the-dress-without-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:b5b79b07-162a-4eae-aa22-72c99694da06Post:01d6ad99-d919-4302-9032-934c827f2173">Re: How to tell MIL you already bought the dress without her???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to tell MIL you already bought the dress without her??? : Oh Lord, please don't do this.  If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to communicate with your MIL without telling lies like a naughty child.
Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]

This.

JoeAnne2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_how-to-tell-mil-you-already-bought-the-dress-without-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:b5b79b07-162a-4eae-aa22-72c99694da06Post:2a514039-127b-4999-b90d-067c723d4cbd">Re: How to tell MIL you already bought the dress without her???</a>:
[QUOTE]I doubt she'll remember the exact dress when she sees it next.  And even so, YOU are the one wearing it, not her.  Just tell her this is your style, you feel comfortable and, most importantly, you feel beautiful.  Thank her for all her help and guidance in the process.  Done.
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.

theelusive1

I would say I wanted to surprise you so no one is seeing my dress until I walk down the aisle. I would say I took everything into consideration from when we went shopping and just buzzed in to pay for the dress.  

swimmy1988

Just be upfront. Lying to her or staging a fake epiphany at the bridal salon will just come back to bite you later on, especially if she finds out (and she probably will)

Thank her for helping you look at dresses before, and then tell her that you decided to go with the one you really loved, and wanted to see it again by yourself to make sure you were making the decision for yourself. I'm sure she'll understand. From what I gather from your original post, you seem to have a pretty civil and friendly relationship with her. 

sillygreenbunny

Thank you all for your input. I really do appricate it! I have never been the type of person who wants to or likes to lie to people. I do feel we have a wonderful relationship so far and would hate to mess it up, because of being too afraid to tell her the truth. Thank you all for giving me courage