My bridesmaid (also a bride) wants to buy a dress just like mine

marthak611

My bridesmaid got engaged about a month after me and made me her MOH. I have already bought my dress, which is relatively unique (I love lace and won't do strapless). Now she started dress shopping and has had terrible luck. She emailed me the other day saying she has found her dream dress and sent me a picture - it is nearly identical to my dress. She hasn't bought it yet and I really don't want her to. Her wedding is 3 weeks before mine and I don't want our weddings to turn into a "who wore it better" joke. I love her dearly and want her to have a dress she loves, I just don't want it to be my dress. I don't know how to approach the situation. Any ideas?

Avion22

Is it nearly identical to your dress, or is it actually the same dress?

Lace with straps or cap sleeves is a really hot style right now, and it's unrealistic to think that you'll be the only one you know who wears a similar style.  Now if it's the EXACT same style and there are distinctive elements that would make that obvious, then I could understand how you would feel weird.  But if there are slightly different style elements, then chances are it will look VERY different on her than your dress will look on you (especially by the time you accessorize).  

FWIW, I wore Watters Harmony (see pic below...full lace a-line, v-neck with wide straps, and a satin sash underneath the bustline that hung down the back).  Assuming this isn't the exact same dress you are wearing, maybe you could reccomend it to her as it sounds like it would fit her requirements.

cnf2013

I agree, strapped lace dresses are really, really popular right now. If she want the exact same dress I could see being peeved, but if it's similar you don't have the right to tell her no she can't buy it. And honestly, people will be so happy for her on her day, then so equally as happy for you on your day, that no ones going to being sitting through your ceremony thinking about "who wore it better". People will be tearing up at your lovely vows, enjoying their food and having too much fun to even realize the dresses were similar. Do you have a lot of cross over on the guest list, or is it just a few people?

mimi2982

i can see how this would be upsetting.. you both are obviously very close (with similiar taste!). true, you cant ask her to wear something different. but you could point out how similalr the dress is to yours, and see where the conversation goes from there. maybe she just hasnt realised how important this is to you?
  

loca4pook

If you are honest with her, it could end a friendship because she will be upset especially if she has been shopping for awhile and can't find anything. Is a dress worth the end of a friendship potentially? only you can answer that....

Unless she is copying you exactly, I would let it slide esp since everyone looks different in dresses especially with different accessories..

And let's be honest, WE remember our dress but most people don't remember what a dress looks like that much to compare in the end at weddings

Lisa50

Unless your dress is custom-made and trademarked, your dress is not unique.  I'm sorry, that's just the way it is.  There is nothing wrong with your bridesmaid buying the same dress to wear for her wedding.

Let it go.

marthak611

Ok, ladies, maybe unique was the wrong word choice. Distinctive is perhaps better. It is not made by the same designer, but it has has the same neck line, the same sleeves, the same back, the same skirt, the same sash. Mine, because I was on a budget, seems to be the knockoff version of hers.

I'm not going to tell her she can't buy it, but our weddings are only 3 weeks apart and there is substantial overlap in guest list. This is not the style of dress she went out looking for and it is way out of her price range anyway, so her mom is against it, too.

Thank you for the dress picture ILoveMilkDuds,  that is the exact dress she WAS looking for. I will suggest it.

TheVirginians

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_my-bridesmaid-also-a-bride-wants-to-buy-a-dress-just-like-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:b5fd4085-1ebc-4414-99d0-1e3a56539ca5Post:1dd1dc0e-ff22-4b69-8562-5f6b7fe35ef3">Re: My bridesmaid (also a bride) wants to buy a dress just like mine</a>:
[QUOTE]i can see how this would be upsetting.. you both are obviously very close (with similiar taste!). true, you cant ask her to wear something different. but you could point out how similalr the dress is to yours, and see where the conversation goes from there. maybe she just hasnt realised how important this is to you?   
Posted by mimi2982[/QUOTE]



I think this is great advice. Present your dress and let the conversation go without being judgmental.

marthak611

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_my-bridesmaid-also-a-bride-wants-to-buy-a-dress-just-like-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:b5fd4085-1ebc-4414-99d0-1e3a56539ca5Post:451ddf37-f38a-487f-844a-13624115788a">Re: My bridesmaid (also a bride) wants to buy a dress just like mine</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaid (also a bride) wants to buy a dress just like mine : I think this is great advice. Present your dress and let the conversation go without being judgmental.
Posted by va4ryans[/QUOTE]

<div>That's my plan! I really want her to be happy and I'll make sure she knows that, but I also think she should know how bummed out I would be. Then the decision is hers to make, not mine.</div>