White tie or black tie?

sariaru

My FI and I would love to do a very formal wedding - we know already that the bridal party will be in white tie - floor length gowns for the ladies, and "tops n' tails" for the groomsmen. We both know however, that a good portion of our guest list really doesn't want to go out and rent a tailcoat. Is it appropriate to list white tie/black tie on the invitations?

itzMS

IMHO, I would strongly advise you to avoid this. Receptions are for guests to enjoy themselves as a thank you for witnessing your ceremony...having a dress code and asking them to go to the expense of renting/buying formal tuxedoes and gowns is a bit much.

But, only you know your circle. Do your guests frequently attend white or black tie events?

I don't even think we've had events that formal in my circle...ever...so it's really up to you and traditions in your area.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_white-tie-or-black-tie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:bf087107-c4ea-40a3-89b1-217bd09770adPost:b7d95479-6471-4171-b448-061e5dc56f8c">White tie or black tie?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I would love to do a very formal wedding - we know already that the bridal party will be in white tie - floor length gowns for the ladies, and "tops n' tails" for the groomsmen.<strong> We both know however, that a good portion of our guest list really doesn't want to go out and rent a tailcoat.</strong> Is it appropriate to list white tie/black tie on the invitations?
Posted by sariaru[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm confused. If you already know that your crowd is not the type to want to get dressed up like that, why would you host that kind of an event?</div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_white-tie-or-black-tie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:bf087107-c4ea-40a3-89b1-217bd09770adPost:304a9c1a-5c68-4672-af41-77437a25816b">Re: White tie or black tie?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to White tie or black tie? : I'm confused. If you already know that your crowd is not the type to want to get dressed up like that, why would you host that kind of an event?
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

This.

And re-read Stages descriptions of black tie and white tie events.  Those are super fancy events that require a lot of money.  If you got the budget to pay for all of the extravagant things then go for it.  But like Addie said, if your guests aren't those type of people that like to go to extravagant affairs then why host a wedding that is way above your guests comfort level?

loca4pook

Keep in mind, if yuo have a "BBQ type crowd", and you put in 'white tie", they might just choose to not come sine it might intimidate them...


only you know your crowd....I agree with others, you need to PROVIDE the white/black tie experience. You can't give them just appetizers and wine in a backyard, but EXPECT them to dress to the nines..

msuprincess04

I'd stay away from white tie. Black tuxes are readily available, and quite a few people already own one. My FI had one made this past fall for our wedding. However, we were invited to a white tie wedding that would require him to rent one even though he just bought a tux! I'd avoid the white tie. But I have been to some beautiful evening black tie weddings.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_white-tie-or-black-tie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:bf087107-c4ea-40a3-89b1-217bd09770adPost:b7d95479-6471-4171-b448-061e5dc56f8c">White tie or black tie?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I would love to do a very formal wedding - we know already that the bridal party will be in white tie - floor length gowns for the ladies, and "tops n' tails" for the groomsmen. We both know however, that a good portion of our guest list really doesn't want to go out and rent a tailcoat. Is it appropriate to list white tie/black tie on the invitations?
Posted by sariaru[/QUOTE]

I agree with everything Stage said, and the others.  If you truly want to host a black or white tie event, be prepared for your budget to go through the roof.  And it doesn't sound like you are taking your guests into consideration, if you already know they wouldn't want to dress like that for your event.  If your friends and family don't already own that type of attire, you are asking them to go out and rent or buy a $200-400 outfit (at a minumum), just to attend your wedding. 

I'm not suggesting you shouldn't do it, but be prepared for a lot of declines if your guests aren't white tie (or even black tie) type of people.   If you don't have <strong>at least</strong> $50K-80K to drop on your wedding, I would skip the black or white tie.

AmJam04

Stick with black tie. White tie is too over the top unless you or your family are socially significant and truly demand that level of formality.

sariaru

You're all quite right. I suppose my dream is white tie and I may as well wake up sooner rather than later. If the bridal party will be in white tie, though, which they've agreed to already, knowing the expense, what then, becomes an appropriate "dress code" for guests? I understand that white tie for everyone is out the window, but by the same token, I don't want there to be too much stratification in attire. Would that be something like, "Black tie optional"? Thanks again for all your help, everyone. :

itzMS

Agreed with Stage.

If I saw "Black Tie Optional" on an invite, I would raise an eyebrow, and then DH & I would go in a suit and dress that we already own.

I would also think the bride is crazy.

kmmssg

Having your wedding party in white tie attire for a non-white tie wedding is going to look ridiculous.  Why would you put some of the most visible people in the wedding in inappropriate outfits and make them stand out like sore thumbs.

Bottom line:  Does your budget support a black tie wedding with passed apps, plated meal, top shelf liquor, live band, valet parking ,etc?  If it doesn't you need to step back and reassess this.  Choose the type of wedding you can afford and choose wedding clothing that matches it.  That is how you have a well put-together, cohesive looking wedding.  Otherwise, it will look very uncoordinated.

Jager1219

I've been invited to "black-tie optional" events.  No one aside from the bridal party and parents of the bride & groom wore black tie.  Everyone else wore cocktail attire.

Also - remember that even if you truely have a black tie wedding, people will show up in cocktial attire.  It always happens.

loca4pook

I agree that forcing your wedding party to be "white tie" when the rest of the wedding isn't iwill look silly.

Perhaps you should figure out WHY this is important to you??? Is it the expected norm in your community, or do you just want your wedding to appear "fancier" than it truly is???

Like others said, you can force your GUESTS to dress up in blacktie/white tie just to make your wedding appear fancier than it is, if you aren't providgin those PERKS (which everyone else has already mentioned)