2 Sisters, One MOH

Laurae323

I have two sisters, one of whom I am extremely close to (A) and one which did not even congratulate me on my engagement (M).  The dilemma is that while I would love for A to be my MOH she is really pressuring me to include M as a BM which I do not want to do.  

Am I making too big of a deal about this?  I really want A to be in my wedding as she is my best friend and closest confidante...M and I are cordial when we see each other at family get-togethers but we are practically strangers.  

At this point I am scared A is going to draw a line in the sand and refuse to be MOH if M isn't included.  I realize that I have a lot of time and I haven't asked anyone to be a part of my bridal party yet, and I truly appreciate the advice!

RWolff

If she's truly your closest friend, this should be something you can talk to her about. Explain the things that might seem obvious - i.e. that you and M are not close, that even though she is also your sister, she does not automatically get to be a BM, and that you couldn't imagine getting married without A by your side. As your sister and your best friend, she should understand, or at least be able to explain why if she does not.

itzMS

It's still a little soon to ask your wedding party. I'd wait a month or two more, personally.

 IMHO, I think it would be kind to ask both of your sisters, if you must include one, even if the other is more distant.

Call and ask M privately. M can say no, obviously, if she'd prefer not to be in the wedding party. Then, ask A to be your maid of honor as planned.


Another example to consider....my DH is close with his brother A, but notsoclose with his brother B. DH would've liked brother A in the wedding party, but in no circumstance wanted to involve brother B. Seeing that brother B is the type to cause quite a scene if he wouldn't have been asked to be in the wedding party, DH didn't ask either brother. DH didn't want to cause a riff, so he just elected to have his siblings as guests.

Maggie0829

Yeah, I am happy that I am/was not in this position.  Deciding between friends is one thing but deciding between sisters is a whole other ballgame.

Typically you should ask your nearest and dearest to stand up with you on your wedding no matter who they are.  But seeing as you will be including one sister and not the other I can foresee some drama in your future.

I really am not sure how you should proceed but I do know that your wedding isn't until next March.  Do not make any decisions yet on your bridal party.  Hold off asking anyone until you are bout 8-9 months out from your wedding date.  Give yourself some time to think about who you want to include and who you don't.

Honestly, it sounds like A would be more upset over the non-inclusion of M then M would be.  If A decides to act childish and refuse to be in your wedding because M isn't then you are better off.

erinlin25

I would think that if you are not close with sister M she will not be offended that you didn't ask her to be in the wedding.  If you ask her and she accepts she very well may make your wedding experience not enjoyable, so she very well may be better off as a guest, IMO.  But only you know the relationship dynamic!  If she will be drama free, go ahead and at least ask her and leave it up to her to decide.  But really, if she is not your "nearest and dearest" I would say no go.  Explain to sister A your reasoning.  Unless it will be more dramatic not to include her, it makes sense from the information provided you are not close, so I would think you are OK to not include her as a bridesmaid. She can still be a guest and attend the shower, bachelorette etc, if sister A is worried about her feeling "left out."  Really all she is left out of is wearing a matching dress.