Future MIL Drama

deanozzi

Yikes! I have a problem! My FMIL who I don't really like, picked out an awful dress for our wedding. It is a long linen shirt with buttons that go all the way down in yellow!

Let me back up, my mother bought her beautiful dress 2 months ago. My FMIL asked what type of dress my mother was wearing and the color. I told her it was a long taupe gown. 

Last week my FI and I took all of the groomsman to Miami to purchase their outfits. They are white linen Guayaberas (Cubaveras) with beige linen pants. My FMIL and FFIL came with us. No problem! All of a sudden my FMIL came over to me and said she just bought her dress and showed me the dress/ shirt I described above.

I was absolutely appalled but I kept a happy face and attitude!

It is not worth me getting upset and started up drama so I will keep my mouth shut! 

I just want to know if anyone else had problems like this? 

blgrout

You can't dictate what another adult is going to wear (unless it's a BM), so even though you don't like it, I would keep your mouth shut and deal (like you said you were going to).

I get along really well with my FMIL, and she picked out a white dress suit to wear to our wedding ("cream", in her words).  I didn't say anything, but my FSIL did, and once she realized that it's kind of a no-no to wear white (unless your the bride), she was mortified and I took her shopping, and bought her a lovely outfit that isn't white.  Problem solved.

deanozzi

I absolutely will not say anything! I don't want to be mean and hurt her feelings.

scorpgirl1120

I went with my FMIL so I had no problems.  I just want to let you know that you shouldn't worry about this.  No one is going to care what she's wearing, they are going to be looking at you the entire time.  I know it sucks that it won't match and probably looks horrible (it sounds horrible) but in the end, you won't even remember what she was wearing because it's your day!  At least she's not wearing white...

deanozzi

@scoprgirl. Thank you, I just almost feel that she did it out of anger or something because she doesn't like me.

She always dresses very nice to work and I would have rather seen her in dress pants and a blouse rather than this nightgown looking thing.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_future-mil-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:f180c9ea-9a6e-4f0a-9e03-bd99f1fd8d62Post:9dd78991-0db6-4852-9076-9fa8d9635a91">Re: Future MIL Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't dictate what another adult is going to wear (unless it's a BM), so even though you don't like it, I would keep your mouth shut and deal (like you said you were going to). I get along really well with my FMIL, and she picked out a white dress suit to wear to our wedding ("cream", in her words).  I didn't say anything, but my FSIL did, and once she realized that it's kind of a no-no to wear white (unless your the bride), she was mortified and I took her shopping, and bought her a lovely outfit that isn't white.  Problem solved.
Posted by blgrout[/QUOTE]

<div>Lol... it boggles my mind that there are people that still don't get the whole not-wearing-white-to-a-wedding thing.  But you're totally right in that we can't tell other people what to wear.</div>

stacym13

I know what you mean in your later post that you feel like she is doing things purposefully. I was in a relationship with a MIL like that and I bent over backwards to be polite. It reminded me of Everyone Loves Raymond. In the end, I think she was just really apprehensive of me and scared that her son was making a mistake. We never did end up bonding or getting along but I made an effort to learn from the situation. Maybe if you think that might apply to your case, find ways to let her know that she still has her place in her son's life. If you really can't stand her outfit and you think it will ruin the wedding, then say something... but otherwise, the consequences of creating a stir before the wedding are much worse than her attire I'm sure. Best of luck!

deanozzi

@stacym thanks. I do not want to stir anything up I am just sad that she would come to her son's wedding dressed like that. I tried so hard for the last 14 years to really keep the peace between her and I and I do not ever think that we will be the best of friends.

I guess when I was little and pictured my FMIL I pictured a loving, caring and nurturing one. But I have come to realize that it is her and not me, and that I am marrying her son and not her.

meganpow87

I totally understand your frustration, but it's kinda funny if you think about it (i'm not being mean, I promise!)...

On one hand she really may think the yellow linen thingie is pretty and she feels excited about wearing it (please...don't hurt her feelings, it will never be the right thing to do, but i didn't think you would anyhow based on what you've said in earlier posts...)

On the other hand she may be doing this out of spite (just like the above comment about Raymond show) and in that case, she'll have plenty of pictures to share forever and ever of her sporting a rediculous dress on her son's wedding day.

deanozzi

@megan. LOL yea, that is kinda funny!

deanozzi

Ok seriously cant stop laughing, just spit water all over my computer!

firsttimersluck

hah yeah.. we had an akward moment with the MIL as well. 

She was determined to wear ivory and believed that would fine because it's not ACTUALLY WHITE... uhhh.. yeeeeah.. alright.. 

Floor length light ivory gown. 

Really? :P 

I wasn't going to say anything and let it slide but my husband REFUSED. He was suuuper anal about making sure NO ONE was going to wear ANY KIND OF WHITE OUTFIT. 

My silly groomzilla ) 

We're pretty sure that she has a need to wear white to weddings because she got a hippie wedding and wore a quilted gown, so it's her way of getting to wear the dress she never did. lol (that's the family's belief anyway :P ) 

You're not the only one, as you can see from other posters! She will only be in a couple photos anyway so I'm glad you know now to say anything and can just laugh and shrug it off!

Try not to think of it that way. My MIL is absolutely a wonderful, sweet, loving woman. It wasn't about her wanting to spite me, and I know that. It was just her poor etiquette and lack of awareness.. and personal need. 

Sometimes we take things personally because it's easier to think that they are doing something to harm us, instead of trying to understand that they just.. aren't thinking it through. :P Have you ever seen her dress up for a formal event? Day-to-day and formal evenings are two very different things. Try not to stress it. You will jsut be able to giggle about it with your FI :P 

AurorasEnvy

I'd just let it go.  I'd probably secretly be laughing knowing that all the guests are going to see her wearing a horrible dress.  I don't see how her looking terrible is spiting you - it's only going to make you look that much better =]

Rdh2MrsOMFS

You don't have any say so in what she is going to wear.  Tell her nicely that you don't like it and if she wears it, she will look stupid.   Sorry

Rdh2MrsOMFS

You don't have any say so in what she is going to wear.  Tell her nicely that you don't like it and if she wears it, she will look stupid.   Sorry