Ceremony - maybe a problem?

Michaela&Jonathan

A very close family friend of ours is an ordained minister. We aren't being married in a church and thought that having a close friend do the ceremony would make it more personal. Neither my FI or I are very religious; we didn't grow up going to church and currently don't attend. Well even though my dad informed the family friend of our not wanting a highly religious ceremony when asking him to officiate, he sent an ceremony outline that has me very nervous. There are a couple of prayers in the outline, which is fine, but he also wrote a note in the email that said

"Understand,  I will in no way compromise the integrity of the message of Jesus Christ within the confinds of the wedding ceremony.  Again,  it must be understood that Jesus, being God the Son is in fact the creator of the institution of marriage." 

FI and I are nervous that the ceremony is going to be more about the religious aspect of marriage (which is less meaningful for us)  than it is about our commitment to one another. Any suggestions on how to proceed are welcomed, Thanks!

scoetto

If he can't do a ceremony that fits your beliefs, it's time to find a new officiate. Get a list of approved non-religious officiates from the Registrar's Office with your county/city.

tba0313

You could simply ask to see the full ceremony - not just the outline.  I would assume he doesn't do it from memory so the prayers and such should be written out that you could see them.  I'm sure you can express to him what your expectations are as well, and if he isn't willing to listen, find someone else.  I don't think you should worry until you actually see the ceremony in full.  His way of keeping "the integrity of jesus" could simply be through saying a prayer.

kd.joseph

I honestly don't think I would feel right being married by someone who doesn't understand how I want my ceremony to be, and will interject his own beliefs in said ceremony.

Maybe it would be easier to hire someone non-denominational to do your ceremony.

Knittibell

I think it's time to let him know that while you really appreciate his views and beliefs they do not match your own and you feel it's better to find a secular officiant.

sarahmk5

I think it's time to change your officiant.  The ceremony he seems to have in mind doesn't seem to match what you and your FI want, and if he feels uncomfortable changing it, your'e going to end up with something that doesn't jive with your and your FI's beliefs.

Michaela&Jonathan

Thanks for the suggestions. I am thinking that I will ask for a full outline, talk with himabout what we watned highlighted (the commitment obviously) and if it won't work out, look elsewhere. We are just hoping to avoid that option (although it may come to that) since they are close friends of my parents. Hopefully he would understand and no hard feelings would result?

ohwhynot

I agree completely with MilkDuds.  I'd find another officiant. 

Knittibell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ceremony-maybe-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:055af25f-2e45-4549-bc38-f3fa355cb118Post:b819d0a2-37b7-43cf-9af6-d577dfd923d5">Re: Ceremony - maybe a problem?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the suggestions. I am thinking that I will ask for a full outline, talk with himabout what we watned highlighted (the commitment obviously) and if it won't work out, look elsewhere. We are just hoping to avoid that option (although it may come to that) since they are close friends of my parents. Hopefully he would understand and no hard feelings would result?
Posted by Michaela&Jonathan[/QUOTE]


If it seems it won't work, the way I'd phrase it would be to simply say "we  respect your beiiefs and your faith. Since your beliefs really do not mirror our own we feel that as much as we want you to marry us, it would be dishonest and disrespectful to your faith to have a ceremony like this, when the beliefs don't match our own."

Or, "We understand that as this is a part of your faith and belief system, this is not something you can compromise on. We feel it would be disrespectful to have a ceremony that does not follow our beliefs simply because we were so looking forward to having you marry us."

I can't see any way in which this could be offensive, cause hurt, or be seen as anything but honest and respectful.