Those of you who have lost a loved one...

KellyLovesJames

So, the "confessions" post got me thinking about something I had thought about before, but put on the back burner.

I lost my mom when I was about 9... Grandmother at 10... and a wonderful aunt in my mid 20's.  James lost his grandfather while he was in college.

My question is... do those of you who have lost close loved ones plan on having some time of "memorial" for them at the wedding?  If so what?

I've been trying to think of something to have in their honor at the reception... without being to overbearing.  I definitely don't wan't to put people in a somber mood.    Maybe just mentioning their names in the ceremony programs?

Thanks guys!

angieandjames

I was very close with both of my grandparents.  My grandpa was a minister, and passed away when I was twelve.  I was crushed because I was planning (even then) to have him be the officiant at my wedding.  My grandmother passed away this past December.  Also, FI's father passed away when he was 14, and one of his brothers committed suicide last year...

For our programs, we're doing the layered kind, where there are several pages with ribbon binding them together at the top... and on the last page, we're going to mention those who have passed - some type of memorial, we miss you kind of thing... I haven't decided if we'll list out names or not.  Truthfully, I'm a little leary of listing names, because there are people who have passed that I don't miss as much (ie, my other grandfather, who passed when I was 4), but if I left them out, others would be offended... so I'm thinking of saying something more general to avoid listing everyone out.

HTH

BanannaP

FI lost his father last June, actually about a week and half before we got engaged. For the first six months of our engagement, I cried almost every day thinking about FI's dad not being at the wedding. When we met our officiant, Arianna Gray, in December, she suggested having a memorial candle or something and at the beginning of the ceremony she will say something about how we have the candle there to remember everyone who can't be with us. Ever since then, I have felt a lot calmer knowing that we will recognize his absence without making a big deal out of it. Also, I want to get FI some locket cufflinks to hold pictures of his dad and his older half-brother who passed away a few years ago.

I had a friend who had pictures of important people who had passed away tied to her bouquet, and it was beautiful and subtle.

lesalyric

I lost my dad a couple of years ago completely unexpectedly.

My grandparents, mom and I will be lighting a candle near the altar before anyone arrives and we will leave it burning throughout the ceremony. I am having the candle custom made by an etsy seller, it will have a verse that was special to us and a guitar because he played the guitar and my very best memories of him are him playing the guitar for me when I was a little girl.

I didn't want to make a huge deal about my dad because I know it will be hard enough without purposely making it harder on myself, but I really felt strongly about having something there that was special to my immediate family.

bsn1752

Since my mother passed away due to breast cancer, I am including a single pink rose in my bouquet.  I will also have a memory candle for her at the welcome table.  I thought about leaving a chair empty for her, but I am not sure if that will be too over the top.  I didn't want to make it too in your face, but I did want to honor her... I haven't made a final decision, but I am doing the rose and the candle for sure.

Mariah09202008

We did a "in memory of" section in our programs.  And we left a seat open where my grandmother would have been sitting.  Other than that, I didn't do anything.  People pointed out to me that this was my wedding and we didn't need to have a big reminder of who wasn't there with us. 

bobbileighb

My grandfather passed away 3 yrs ago and as a child and teenager even that is who I always pictured walking me down the aisle so it is still very hard on me.  I plan on putting something about knowing that he was walking beside me in the program.  Also, when he passed away I had this little heart that was split in half engraved with my name on one side and his name on the other.  I kept the half with his name and buried him with the half with my name, I will have the piece with his name attached to my bouquet.

I dont think most things would put anything in a somber mood I always find it especially touching when couples remember those that have passed because they may not be here any longer but they are still an important part of who you have become.

danac2010

FI dad died almost a year ago and FI mom died 10 years ago so that is going to be our main memorials since he has no family except extended.  We are either going to do something in the programs or we will have a candle.  Our chapel has a stand and a place to put it if we wanted to do a memory candle and then I was thinking of putting the poem FI wrote for his dad's funeral next to it and then putting something in the program just so people who didn't get a chance to see it know who all we are remembering and wishing they were there.

bsn1752

I almost decided to dance with my father to my parent's wedding song "May I Have This Dance"... but I decided against it.

emimayor

My mom died unexpectedly a little less than 2 years before our wedding. I included in her in our prayer at our ceremony, and wrote a special something about her in our program under, In Memoriam. I also listed the grandparents names. Make it special to you.

I recommend having something signifies their presence, but nothing over the top. Yes it is extrememly painful to not have them there for you and others effected by the loss, but its a fine line between a nice thoughtful memory and morbid. Less is mroe in this case.

llc2011

All of my grandparents and 3 out of 4 of FI's grandparents have passed away.  We will be listing them in the "in memory" section of our programs.  I was really close to my mom's mom so I will be adding one or her brooches to my bouquet.

mseale

I've lost my father, one grandma and one grandpa.  FI has lost both of his grandpa's.  We are going to put something in the program about "in memory", they will be included in a prayer, and I am going to tie my dad's Aggie Ring into the ribbon on my bouquet.  Just my reminder that he is with me.

Myles+Tami

My mother's father passed when I was 2, and  my other grandfather passed almost 5 years ago. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. FI's father passed last Feb. I was thinking of doing something to honor them at our cake table.

For my grandfather I was thinking of doing a Boeing airplane since he spent most of his life flying and worked for them as an engineer. For the grandfather I lost as a child, maybe something to do with the FBI.. butterscotch candies.. things that our family would instantly know.. OHHH, that's for Grandpa Bill you know?
I was going to let FI pick out something to honor his father. Maybe the flag that his mother received from the army when he passed? (Maybe that is too much!?)
We also plan to have pictures of us with people we love who have made us who we are, along with pictures of us throughout our relationship framed around the table.

I hadn't thought about including them in the ceremony as well, but I really like alot of your ideas!

linzcw04

My fathers dad past before I was born...as well as my mothers mom. My mothers dad passed in 1996 and my fathers mother passed last November. All of my husbands extended family is still alive but I felt the need to honor those whom we lost whether it be friend or family in the programs under the Acknowledgement section but I didn't include names. This is what it said:
Gone but not forgottenMay the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields
and until we meet again,
May the Lord hold you in the palm of His hand.