Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental

ExpatPumpkin

I have a friend who just eloped and posted pics on FB.  This is not about the elopement.  This is about the groom's attire.  They got married in one of those cute wedding chapels and she wore a nice sundress and he looked like a gangster. 

Maybe he is a gangster - I haven't seen her in years, and I've never even heard of this guy until the FB announcement.  But is it too much to expect that a man would wear a tucked in shirt and non-sagging jeans to his own wedding?

[Deleted User]

I would have a little moment of judgment for sure. Then again, it would depend on the friend. If that was her type, not so much. If it were my best friend, I'd think she'd gone crazy.

goheels05

Oh dear God.  I would have nipped that in the bud.  Or not even dated him.  I hate saggy jeans. 

ExpatPumpkin

The deal is that she's always had low self esteem and a history of hideous relationships...  So maybe she wouldn't say anything to him about his clothes.  But that's not her style, and definitely not the kind of attire she'd pick out for a groom.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Pants on the ground?  Bitch, please.

I judge him too.

future-mrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:2a5b7942-8fc4-433e-b6d1-39c7f067194a">Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a friend who just eloped and posted pics on FB.  This is not about the elopement.  This is about the groom's attire.  They got married in one of those cute wedding chapels and she wore a nice sundress and he looked like a gangster.  Maybe he is a gangster -
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]


Wow, I'm sorry but that made me giggle.  A lot.    And hell no, no man of mine would wear something like that.  Baggy jeans irritate me and make me think they are just really lazy. 

jasmineh7777

Maybe he's an awesome person with poor fashion sense?

There is a guy in my neighborhood with half of his face tattooed and a huge pitbull.
They look really intimidating. Both him and his dog are very friendly and extemenly polite. You can't really tell who a person is by what they wear.

[Deleted User]

I think the key question is "how does she feel about it?". If that is what makes them happy, I see no need for them to get dressed up to elope if that's not their style.

lharri12

Sounds like Britney Spears and Kevin whatshisname.

ETA - or am I thinking of her first quickie wedding?  I can't keep up.

Lenore2010

Some people just have bad taste in clothes. I wish in retrospect that I had taken control of the Best Man's attire for our wedding, because he wore this hideous jacket. We somehow never really made a firm choice as to the level of formality at our wedding, so I just influenced the MoH and BM attire, but never even thought about the best man. He is a great guy, and your friend's new husband may be as well, but I am sad his horrible jacket will live in my wedding photos forever.

[Deleted User]

Now that I think about it, I probably wouldn' be able to resist a little comment like, "nice to see he dressed for the occasion." but only if it was a friend I knew wouldn't get all pissy about it.

The day before our wedding DH walked around in a dirty white muscle shirt, week's worth of stubble, and big working boots. he looked like a scary redneck out for the kill (we were cleaning up the property, mowing, decorating, etc, so he didn't have to be spotless). Everyone teased him about how they hoped he "cleaned up good."

future-mrs

I agree with they should do whatever they want I suppose for their wedding.  But baggy jeans=NMS.  (Or FI's)

missy68

Baggy jeans as in no ass to hold them up (J's guilty), or as in boxers hanging out etc?

jasmineh7777

I don't really think that clothes make the man. That look is not at all my style, but it doesn't hurt me at all.
If you saw my H at work, you would never know that he has lots of tattoos. He wears long sleeves every day, and looks like your run of the mill computer guy.

ExpatPumpkin

Of course he should wear whatever he wants.  And perhaps my opinion of him is jaded by my friend's history of consistently dating losers.  She sees them as DIY projects.

My friend looked lovely in her casual sundress.  I don't think that everyone has to get dressed to the nines to get married.  But if you show up in an uptucked shirt and sagging jeans to YOUR OWN WEDDING, sorry but I just can't take you seriously.

kpwedkk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:2a5b7942-8fc4-433e-b6d1-39c7f067194a">Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a friend who just eloped and posted pics on FB.  This is not about the elopement.  This is about the groom's attire.  They got married in one of those cute wedding chapels and she wore a nice sundress and he looked like a gangster.  Maybe he is a gangster - I haven't seen her in years, and I've never even heard of this guy until the FB announcement.  <strong>But is it too much to expect that a man would wear a tucked in shirt and non-sagging jeans to his own wedding?</strong>
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

No wonder they eloped.  The MILs and the FILs probably were trying to get the groom to dress properly and he couldn't take it anymore!

ExpatPumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:93ad56d9-485b-47fc-8ba4-7d466fdb3b4d">Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]Baggy jeans as in no ass to hold them up (J's guilty), or as in boxers hanging out etc?
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure because his shirt was untucked.

future-mrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:93ad56d9-485b-47fc-8ba4-7d466fdb3b4d">Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]Baggy jeans as in no ass to hold them up (J's guilty), or as in boxers hanging out etc?
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

I'm picturing like jeans down to their knees type of thing, on purpose.  It's even more awesome when there is a belt but it's serving no purpose whatsoever.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:55eea2b1-c66b-461e-8b32-d9ec9c2510c6">Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]Of course he should wear whatever he wants.  And perhaps my opinion of him is jaded by my friend's history of consistently dating losers.  She sees them as DIY projects. My friend looked lovely in her casual sundress.  I don't think that everyone has to get dressed to the nines to get married.  But if you show up in an uptucked shirt and sagging jeans to YOUR OWN WEDDING, sorry but I just can't take you seriously.
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

I mean if that's what he wants to wear on a daily basis - great.  Who are we to judge that?  But really, it's your wedding.  Even though it wasn't a full on enormous church ceremony and reception, he could have maybe wore a nice button down shirt and a nice pair of khakis, or even NICE jeans. 

jasmineh7777

Maybe it was a spur of the moment decision, and they just went in what they had on?
That's how elopements used to work, but I think they've gotten a little more formal nowadays.

ExpatPumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:0fe8478d-4209-49da-a079-07ae5813676e">Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe it was a spur of the moment decision, and they just went in what they had on? Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

No, they planned an elopement vacation.

[Deleted User]

I guess I just don't care about those things. I mean, if he were a jerk all around and gave the impression that he wasn't taking the wedding seriously, I would definitely judge him and I would feel sorry for her. But if he were an otherwise okay person who treated her with respect, I couldn't care less what he chose to wear to the wedding.

quotequeen

I went to a wedding at a little Vegas chapel once and the guy who was in there before our group was wearing Mickey Mouse shorts.

jasmineh7777

See, if you do a bunch of pre-planning then I don't really consider it an elopement.
I'm going to try and give ganster guy the benefit of the doubt. If we were being casual, H would probably have worn a band t-shirt and jeans.

ExpatPumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:4d68831d-fd17-400d-a46b-4cd96fd3d351">Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I just don't care about those things. I mean, if he were a jerk all around and gave the impression that he wasn't taking the wedding seriously, I would definitely judge him and I would feel sorry for her. But if he were an otherwise okay person who treated her with respect, I couldn't care less what he chose to wear to the wedding.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

You're right and this is the part that's making me feel bad about judging him...  Maybe he is an amazing guy.  But doesn't his attire show a lack of respect toward her?  I mean he wouldn't dress like that to go on a job interview or to court.  Isn't his own wedding more important?

Jelenny

ahhhh

i'd probably judge too.....then again i judged a friend after she was mad i didn't get her a wedding present...

back story:  i get an IM at work that she got married, keep in mind she met dude two weeks before and he had on an FUGLY hat that he wears EVERYWHERE....

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:caa7e5e6-58db-4a83-b701-654289461101">Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental : You're right and this is the part that's making me feel bad about judging him...  Maybe he is an amazing guy.  But doesn't his attire show a lack of respect toward her?  I mean he wouldn't dress like that to go on a job interview or to court.  Isn't his own wedding more important?
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

One would think so, yes. But that's because we are both looking at it from our frame of reference. You would be surprised at what I see people wearing to job interviews, so I can attest to the fact that not everyone expresses their reverence for the situation in their dress.

My H is a fashion nightmare. I love him dearly, but I promise you that if I told him that he could have worn athletic shorts and a torn t shirt to our wedding, he would have gizzed his pants. Does that mean that he doesn't respect me or doesn't love me? No way. He just hates dressing up. It is who he is.

A lot of people want their ceremonies to reflect them as a couple. One could argue that they were being true to them as a couple by keeping it casual.

missy68

I DID pick out J's outfit for our wedding, because he thought he needed a full on suit or tux (he didn't know what my dress looked like). He just never wears those kinds of clothes. But, he's wearing them a LITTLE more often now.

If we'd done the beach wedding in May, everyone would've been in shorts and some sort of Hawaiian (his would have been plain - no prints for my boy) shirt. And he would've LOVED that.

I judge J's sister's future H for showing up in an off-white linen suit for their "impromptu" nuptials the day before ours. The groom wore white, the bride wore black. The groom took the bride's last name. I suppose it was fitting...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I can be pretty judgy, so I'm the best one to answer this question.

But I DO hate when people wear Chucks to their own wedding. It's your OWN WEDDING.

eastunder1

I judge the hell out of grown men who feel the need to wear droopy jeans and gansta stuff, whether a wedding is involved or not.  Time to grow up there, skippy. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tell-im-being-judgmental?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:119e03c2-14e4-471b-82c7-983b64b0fb3aPost:caa7e5e6-58db-4a83-b701-654289461101">Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tell Me if I'm Being Too Judgmental : You're right and this is the part that's making me feel bad about judging him...  Maybe he is an amazing guy.  But doesn't his attire show a lack of respect toward her?  I mean he wouldn't dress like that to go on a job interview or to court.  Isn't his own wedding more important?
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

Yeeeeessssss. I think you hit the nail on the head, and this is how I feel about it. Casual is one thing. Clean and presentable (and in appropriate clothes to leave the house in, i.e. no underwear showing) is what we're aiming for, here. Like you said, not everyone needs a formal wedding gown or tux - a cute sundress or nice pants are fine. Not ripped jeans.

I guess I expect that adults will own a variety of clothing types to fit multiple situations, like the beach, a job interview, a hiking trip, a wedding, etc. No item of clothing is really all-purpose.