guest brought a party bus to my reception

olearhe

I'm not sure if this is the place to post this or not, but since it is something I want to bitch about, so I figured why not. 
Here is the story:  A guest at my wedding, (mind you this was a guest who I didn't particularly care for to begin with, but we have a lot of mutual friends, and my husband invited him), decided to bring a limo-bus aka party bus to my wedding reception.  He convinced some of the other guests and even members of the wedding party that this was a good idea under the premise that it was a cheaper and safe way home back to the their hotels.  When I heard about this, because in his mass e-mail about it he sent it to someone that was not even invited to the wedding (several others who were invited were also left out), I told him that I would be taking care of the wedding party, and that all other guests should manage their drinking or get a DD. I even suggested that they could all rent a van, but that I didn't like the idea of a group of people having their own side party in the form of a limo-bus at my reception.  This guest went ahead with the idea anyway.  Not one of the people that was on the party bus got a ride back to their homes or hotels.  Instead they all got a ride to that guests home where he was hosting his own party, and they were forced with the decision of staying and partying or getting a cab at that point.  I didn't care that he was having a party, it was after the reception after all, and people always tend to continue the party after the reception, it was the way that he went about it that bothered me.  Needless to say my friends do like to party and many stayed and things got out of hand.  Most of the guests were from out of town, and had to return recently to got to court over some incidents that occurred that night.  That is the reason the whole thing has been brought back to the forefront.  This guest never apologized to me for disrespecting my wishes. He claims that he doesn't have to apologize because he got everyone home safely, which is obviously not true, given that people went to court over some events that occurred.   Am I wrong to expect an apology?
Thanks!

pirategal03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_guest-brought-party-bus-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:1b7173be-5004-4aa3-bfd1-66a335e9003fPost:a6c291ac-72c6-4d42-8417-83777669b462">guest brought a party bus to my reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure if this is the place to post this or not, but since it is something I want to bitch about, so I figured why not.  Here is the story:  A guest at my wedding, (mind you this was a guest who I didn't particularly care for to begin with, but we have a lot of mutual friends, and my husband invited him), decided to bring a limo-bus aka party bus to my wedding reception.  He convinced some of the other guests and even members of the wedding party that this was a good idea under the premise that it was a cheaper and safe way home back to the their hotels.  When I heard about this, because in his mass e-mail about it he sent it to someone that was not even invited to the wedding (several others who were invited were also left out), I told him that I would be taking care of the wedding party, and that all other guests should manage their drinking or get a DD. I even suggested that they could all rent a van, but that I didn't like the idea of a group of people having their own side party in the form of a limo-bus at my reception.  This guest went ahead with the idea anyway.  Not one of the people that was on the party bus got a ride back to their homes or hotels.  Instead they all got a ride to that guests home where he was hosting his own party, and they were forced with the decision of staying and partying or getting a cab at that point.  I didn't care that he was having a party, it was after the reception after all, and people always tend to continue the party after the reception, it was the way that he went about it that bothered me.  Needless to say my friends do like to party and many stayed and things got out of hand.  Most of the guests were from out of town, and had to return recently to got to court over some incidents that occurred that night.  That is the reason the whole thing has been brought back to the forefront.  This guest never apologized to me for disrespecting my wishes. He claims that he doesn't have to apologize because he got everyone home safely, which is obviously not true, given that people went to court over some events that occurred.   Am I wrong to expect an apology? Thanks!
Posted by olearhe[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't understand.  You want him to apologize to you for getting people in trouble at a party he threw at his home after your wedding?  </div>

achiduck

He doesn't owe you an apology. Your guests made the choice to get on the bus.

lindseyann410

Whoah. Sounds like quite the party.  But, this all occurred after your reception.  These were all adults who made their own decisions.  I'm curious as to what happened at this party that people had to go to court for.

Blueyed228

I dont think this is something you should concern yourself with.

LP11509

Take a deep breath.

It may have been a little presumptuous of your guest to get a limo/party bus for your wedding, yes.  But unless he held a gun to their heads, then it was the other guests choice to join.  They are adults and could have simply said "no thank you, I have my own transportation".  But they chose to go.  I highly doubt that "things getting out of hand" was solely a result of 1 guests actions.  Like you said, people could have called for a cab when they realized that things were starting to get bad.  Decisions have consequences.  Your guests are dealing with theirs now.

So while the situation does suck, I think you need to let it go.  Maybe your H now understands why you didn't like this person to begin with and will cease the friendship. 

RamonaFlowers

Your guests decided to get on the party bus and then decided drive home drunk ... and you want the guy who rented the bus to apologize? Did I read that right?

OP, your guests are adults. Adults know that there are consequences to their own actions. They made some really irresponsible decisions of their own free will. The guest may have ticked you off, but it's not like he forced anybody to get on the bus and then forced them to not find a responsible way to get them back to their own homes/hotel rooms that night.

The people who got in trouble got what they deserved for their carelessness, and they should count themselves lucky that they didn't kill anybody with their own stupidity that night. The man who rented the bus and therefore didn't drive home drunk is pretty much the only person that isn't to blame here.

number55

I don't understand why peoole want or expect apologies from people who have already proven themselves to be dbags. I appreciate it when my close friends and family apologize to me but beyond that, get over it. What will an apology provide you with? You already don't like the guy. Let it go.

olearhe

In response to "Your guests decided to get on the party bus and then decided drive home drunk ... and you want the guy who rented the bus to apologize? Did I read that right?

OP, your guests are adults. Adults know that there are consequences to their own actions. They made some really irresponsible decisions of their own free will. The guest may have ticked you off, but it's not like he forced anybody to get on the bus and then forced them to not find a responsible way to get them back to their own homes/hotel rooms that night.

The people who got in trouble got what they deserved for their carelessness, and they should count themselves lucky that they didn't kill anybody with their own stupidity that night. The man who rented the bus and therefore didn't drive home drunk is pretty much the only person that isn't to blame here."

No one drove drunk, the court case was more of an issue of drunk fighting.
I see everyone else's point though, I shouldn't expect an apology from a d-bag.  I was over it, and this guy was completely out of my husbands and my life.  As I said though this guy and I have some residual mutual friends so it all resurfaced when these mutual friends were here recently in court. 
Thanks

olearhe

Also in defense of the other guests...since I had told this guest that I didn't want a party bus at my reception, the rest of the guests thought it was just going to be rented van, and didn't know until it was already too late.
Thanks everyone, though, seriously.  This does help.

pirategal03

I think you should be grateful that the drunk fighting occurred somewhere other than your reception. 

angelsong21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_guest-brought-party-bus-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:1b7173be-5004-4aa3-bfd1-66a335e9003fPost:7a67ee70-50f1-4ad6-a153-eb5ce2369607">Re: guest brought a party bus to my reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Also in defense of the other guests...since I had told this guest that I didn't want a party bus at my reception, the rest of the guests thought it was just going to be rented van, and didn't know until it was already too late. Thanks everyone, though, seriously.  This does help.
Posted by olearhe[/QUOTE]

I understand where you are coming from, but your guests still did not have to get on the party bus.  If I had been a guest who signed up for the van to take us home and was unexpectedly greeted by a party bus, I would have never gotten on and instead just called a cab at that point.  Your guests were adults who could think for themselves and made (what sounds like) bad decisions.  I wouldn't concern yourself with it, as PP have already said.

LetsHikeToday

Did they party in the bus during your reception? I'm not sure what you're looking for an apology for.

tanyanubin

I think I understand....every event has a feeling--mellow, frantic, elegant, boring, easy going. I guess the OP wanted her event to be more smooth and elegant and less frat party...which this guy encouraged by renting a party bus for HER affair, and using her wedding as a launch pad for his own party. Of course the people who got into trouble had free will and should have made better decisions on their own. But if that guy hadn't done what he did, her wedding day would not have ended in such a mess. I would be really annoyed, too. As for an apology, I wouldn't bother. I just wouldn't talk to him again. 

Dont AskMeAgain

I seriously don't get it. I don't think he owes you an apology. You should be thanking him for not having a drunken fight at your wedding. I understand that brides want to be the center of attention but weddings are only important to the people getting married. Imo they could have left his party if they didn't want to be there. 

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_guest-brought-party-bus-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:1b7173be-5004-4aa3-bfd1-66a335e9003fPost:a469a885-8cec-4ab3-a21e-ea40d2282e19">Re: guest brought a party bus to my reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I understand....every event has a feeling--mellow, frantic, elegant, boring, easy going. I <strong>guess the OP wanted her event to be more smooth and elegant and less frat party...</strong>which this guy encouraged by renting a party bus for HER affair, and using her wedding as a launch pad for his own party. Of course the people who got into trouble had free will and should have made better decisions on their own. <strong>But if that guy hadn't done what he did, her wedding day would not have ended in such a mess. </strong>I would be really annoyed, too. As for an apology, I wouldn't bother. I just wouldn't talk to him again. 
Posted by tanyanubin[/QUOTE]

But none of this happened <strong>at</strong> her wedding, or even <strong>during</strong> her wedding. The reception <span style="font-weight:bold;">ended</span>, and <strong>then</strong> people went to an after party at this guy's house, where they proceeded to make really stupid, drunken decisions of their own free will. You can't ruin somebody's wedding <strong>after</strong> it's over, and the OP's wedding was over, and "ended" before any of this happened.

Again, nobody held a gun to anybody's head and forced them to get onto the party bus and then forced them to get drunk and get in trouble with the law against their will. Adults know that there are consequences to their actions.

OP wants to blame this guy because she just doesn't like him, that's pretty clear at this point. The truth of the matter is, her other guests f*cked up, and got what they deserved by getting into trouble, and again, are just lucky that nobody was really hurt or killed as a result of the stupid things they did that night. At the event that was not the OP's wedding. The only people that owe apologies are the ones that actually got into trouble that night-and they only owe them to the people they hurt with their actions (Be it property damage, personal injuries, etc).

Cuss10

I think I would be waiting for an apology too. Not because of the drunken party or anything that occurred after the wedding, but because he didn't have enough respect for the bride and groom to consider the compromise the bride offered to make everyone happy and safe. Instead he was self centered and used the brides wedding as an excuse to get people that probably wouldn't have attended the party if it hadn't been under the guise of a 'safe ride home'.

tanyanubin

Well said, Cuss10: 

he was self centered and used the brides wedding as an excuse to get people that probably wouldn't have attended the party if it hadn't been under the guise of a 'safe ride home'.

That was exactly my point. 

And yes, this all occured AFTER the wedding. But what will people be talking about when they're remembering her wedding? How lovely she looked? The great food or beautiful flowers? No, it will be 'Remember that time after Olearhe's wedding when everybody went on the party bus and got wasted and XXX happened?'