My fiance and I have known each other since high school but just found each other online 15 months ago, started dating and fell in love...he was married before for 14 years has a wonderful daughter that just graduated from HS and has been divorced since 2001. I was married once before in 1987, have 2 grown girls and have been on my own for a long time. I have been engaged before but broke both of them off shortly after getting engaged due to finding out they weren't who I thought they were. So I have obviously been on my own for a long time now, have bought my own home, have been a successful career woman and have had a pretty great life before I met "G". He is a caring family man, successful in his career, has his own home etc. I feel that we really thought we found the best love ever...kind of like better late than never for us. We are both 46. We love the same music, have the same faith, love food, travel, have alot in common. We started talking future pretty early in the relationship. I had pretty much thought maybe I wouldn't ever marry again and he definitely liked being married and wanted to again someday. I started to consider the idea. There has always been a chemistry between us although I do remember saying to him when we first met that I thought he might be too conserative for me...haha
But then we have a very different outlook on past relationships and keeping in touch with those people. I feel once you are exclusive with each other, all those past girlfriends should change and go away and no longer be apart of our relationship unless I meet them and we do stuff with them if they are also in relationships. I had no problems with that but he has continued to talk to several girls over this time and it has gotten out of hand and it has greatly affected my trust in him and our relationship in general. I have never met any of these so called friends of his yet (its been 15 months) Also early in the relationship before we were engaged, I saw on his phone that he was still texting an old girlfriend sexual things between them that I felt was quite inappropriate. So this was the start of some strange things that I was worried about but confronted him on them. He said he would stop and they didn't mean anything to him and I was mad but ended up moving on with the relationship with him. Don't get me wrong,we have had alot of great times together as a couple and with our kids who all get along great so far. But other issues with these other women keep coming up. They call him, email him, text him at times we are together and I feel that they don't respect our relationship at all or he doesn't tell them how serious we are. He claims he has been friends with them for a long time and says they are on facebook and he gets mad when I tell him it bothers me and he says do you want me to tell you who you can be friends with? He is always on the defensive when it comes to this subject. I feel once you get engaged to someone, you are each forsaking all others. At least the commitment means that to me. The difference between us is that he has met almost all of my friends already and knows that I have not dated any of them nor would I continue to be friends with someone I went out with before or slept with except for a rare few. He on the other hand stays in contact with tons of girls he went out with or has slept with and it gives me the impression he is keeping them hanging around in case something happens to us. He has alot of friends in general and most of the ones that are closest to him I have met but none of these women that he claims he is only friends that touch base with each other every now and then. I have never been in this situation before and maybe I am being insecure but I think its kind of ridiculous.
Let me know your thoughts on the situation so far...there is lots more to it, I know...but I don't want to bore you to much but this is my life and I seriously need some help with what to do.... |