Thanksgiving WWYD?

[Deleted User]

Please tell me if I'm being stupid here, but I'm in the middle of an internal guilt trip. Short version, due to work and finances, we had to cancel our Thanksgiving trip to NC to see my dad's family. I am really bummed because I never get to see them. Well, I was able to work out my schedule so I can ride up with my dad that Tuesday before, and come back on Friday.

The problem is that H can't go. He has to work every day but Thanksgiving. My mom said he's welcome to go to her place, and we have some friends in town that he used to go for holidays before we met. But, I feel really guilty about leaving him alone for Thanksgiving. It absolutely can't be worked out that he can go.

Would you go and see family? Stay and spend Thanksgiving with H? Am I being lame for feeling guilty? I feel like a bad wife. H said to do what I wanted and he'd be fine, but I still feel bad.

SarahPLiz

I'd stay with him. FI would tell me to go but I'd stay anyway. 

LesPaul

Ditto Sarah.  I would stay with DH, even though he would be fine with me going to visit family.  I would feel guilty too.  Sorry, Sesh - I hate situations like that.

Anysunrise

I'd probably be feeling the same way you are now. But I'd probably stay with FI, since my parents are pretty lax about Thanksgiving ( we had it 3 weeks later so that FI could be there and because my parents were in Florida for the actual weekend, lol).

That probably doesn't help you much though. It helps that our families' TGs are a month apart too.

staceytaylor0704

I'd probably go to see my family, honestly. Especially if he says he will be fine with whatever you decide to do. Men usually are honest and straightforward about those types of things. If a woman says "Oh whatever you decide to do is fine.." that is probably not the case.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I'm with stacey - I'd go.

Ben would do the same thing.  He'd tell me that it was okay to go - and I wouldn't really want to go, because I'd feel guilty as hell.  But - it's only for a few days.  And you hardly ever get to see your family.

If it were me, yep - I'd go.

laurenclaire1386

I'd go see my family. And FI would understand. I'm not going to not do things I can do just because my spouse can't be with me for every one of them. I get that this is a holiday, but really, it's only 3 days apart.

JenGin74

That's a tough one. I'd probably stay home and maybe try to take a long weekend at another time to get together with the family.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:71a67e02-2708-4712-b4d1-9a773395f5c7">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Sarah.  I would stay with DH, even though he would be fine with me going to visit family.  I would feel guilty too.  Sorry, Sesh - I hate situations like that.
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

I should add that I feel guilty for 2 reasons. One would be leaving H alone. The other is that we already told everyone we were going, and arrangements were made for us to stay at my uncle's house. So now we'd be backing out and everyone is super bummed that I won't be there (this side of the family hasn't been together for any holiday for a good 10 years).

Yes, these situations totally suck.

Starmusica

Sesh- I don't think you are a bad wife at all and I think you need to do what feels easiest. If you miss your family that much I don't think its a bad thing to go.....H and I don't like being apart on the holidays though so we've sorta started alternate traditions with the families we cannot see.  Is there another family event you can wait for?

if not- and hes really not hurt- go.... either way you are going to feel torn.

JenGin74

Also, I'd stay home especially since this would be your first "married" Thanksgiving. I know that sounds lame, but I'm sentimental about those kinds of things

betrothed123

I'd go.  If it was family you see all the time my answer would be different, but since you so rarely see this side of the family I think you should go and have a good time.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:5f32586d-ee40-4d30-96cc-d8d79e440494">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know why everyone makes such a big deal about TG.  I am a TG downer. <strong> I can't stand the food</strong>.  Then again, my mom is a nutjob so there's that.  I would say go with your heart.  It sounds like you really want to be with your family and you also say you don't get to see them much.  You see H all the time.  I would lean toward spending it with your family.  Maybe celebrate a private TG with your H either the weekend before or after.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

Shun!!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:9b608494-18d8-408e-bb38-5ba6d6bb4d18">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd go see my family. And FI would understand. I'm not going to not do things I can do just because my spouse can't be with me for every one of them. I get that this is a holiday, but really, it's only 3 days apart.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I hate sounding like that "OMG, I can't bear to be away from my man for 3 whole days" type of girl, but maybe I am. I'm fine being away from him if need be, I guess I feel bad that it's a holiday. Any other time I'd be totally fine.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:5f32586d-ee40-4d30-96cc-d8d79e440494">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know why everyone makes such a big deal about TG.  I am a TG downer.  I can't stand the food.  Then again, my mom is a nutjob so there's that.  I would say go with your heart.  It sounds like you really want to be with your family and you also say you don't get to see them much.  You see H all the time.  I would lean toward spending it with your family.  Maybe celebrate a private TG with your H either the weekend before or after.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

How can you not like the food? You're crazy. Other than the food I don't really care about TG all that much either. Maybe I feel like I *should* be home because it's the good wife thing to do? I don't know.

Doing a private TG is a good idea. His birthday is actually the Saturday after thanksgiving and I'd be home before that, so maybe we could do something special then.

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:1f13881c-93c7-4694-b8ec-901fff42dd69">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thanksgiving WWYD? : How can you not like the food? You're crazy. Other than the food I don't really care about TG all that much either. Maybe I feel like I *should* be home because it's the good wife thing to do? I don't know. <strong>Doing a private TG is a good idea</strong>. His birthday is actually the Saturday after thanksgiving and I'd be home before that, so maybe we could do something special then.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

I agree. We had a non-TG TG, there's no real difference imo. Damn I love turkey.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:2280fcec-771b-407f-abe2-fa24fa4d2e49">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thanksgiving WWYD? : Yeah, I hate sounding like that "OMG, I can't bear to be away from my man for 3 whole days" type of girl, but maybe I am. I'm fine being away from him if need be, <strong>I guess I feel bad that it's a holiday. </strong>Any other time I'd be totally fine.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]
I get what you mean. I think I'm mostly immune to it because my dad works off shore, and his company rotates whether he'll spend Christmas or Thanksgiving at home. So either way, he misses one and I've gotten used to not having an important family member around for a major holiday. And FI's gone all the time. I know Thanksgiving is an important holiday for a lot of people, but don't beat yourself up about leaving your H alone. I just really don't think it should be that big a deal that y'all spend Thanksgiving apart. Of course you'll miss eachother and wish you could be together, but I'd still go see my family. And try my best not to feel guilty either way.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Maybe this is weird but I do see TG as less of a big deal than say, Christmas or Easter.  It's probably because I'm a Christian and the actual religious aspects of those holidays are very important to me, so THOSE are the holidays I will really want to make sure I spend with my husband, whether we're with his family, my family or at our home.  So this is why I think spending TG without him wouldn't be as big of a deal.

Not that TG isn't an important holiday, though - I really do LOVE TG and I totally see your dilemma.  But I'd still go see my fam.

SarahPLiz

My rationale is that Thanksgiving is FI & I's holiday to spend together without family. This year we'll have my sister and BIL, my BFF from HS and her FI, and FI's groomswoman and her BF in town, so we'll have to spend that day with them. At least I'm not cooking. but I digress. I see Thanksgiving as our holiday together, and therefore I am fiercely protective of it. 

[Deleted User]

I agree, AATB. I would never leave H alone on Christmas because that is more important to me, and I'd rather be with just him than anyone else. TG to me is just an excuse to see family and get off work.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:29540b7b-524b-433f-8474-08d17900babd">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]My rationale is that Thanksgiving is FI & I's holiday to spend together without family. This year we'll have my sister and BIL, my BFF from HS and her FI, and FI's groomswoman and her BF in town, so we'll have to spend that day with them. At least I'm not cooking. but I digress. I see Thanksgiving as our holiday together, and therefore I am fiercely protective of it. 
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

That makes sense. Christmas is our holiday together, and I'm protective of it. TG has always been wherever we end up.

SCBojangles1138

I hear you on wanting to be with your family and not seeing them often! I know this is your first TG together (I think that's what I read), but if your dad's family hasn't been together in that long, I would go.

J&K10910

Since you hardly ever see this family, I would go.  You see FI every day, and he has some options for places he can go on Thanksgiving, so he won't be alone.  For me personally, part of being in a committed relationship is being able to go and do these types of things without FI.  Not to say that anyone who would stay isn't in a good relationship or whatever, I just really like to do some things independently. 

allisong23

I would reverse the situation in your mind as a hypothetical (he goes, while you stay at home). Would you be upset if he went?  Would you be sad to spend Thanksgiving apart? If you would be, stay with H. If you are okay with it, then go see your family.

maratea

H and I don't really get to do a Thanksgiving together because he has to work (apparently boozers need their beer on Thanksgiving), so I always just go to my family's house. His family typically goes to NY to be with other family and we can't do that since he has to work and there's no way I'm going to be in a car with MIL for 10 hours.

kd.joseph

Well considering my DH will be in Europe from the 16th to TG day. I know where you are coming from, but it's not such a big holiday for us. We usually just go to a local restaurant, just the 2 of us.

But this year we are just going to do dinner on Satuday. Since I have to work Black Friday. I think I would stay home with him, and have a nice dinner just the 2 of you. I would feel funny going to my in-laws by myself for the holidays. But thats just me.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:6692a087-3b66-4a6a-808f-d3730e1b1e19">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would reverse the situation in your mind as a hypothetical (he goes, while you stay at home). Would you be upset if he went?  Would you be sad to spend Thanksgiving apart? If you would be, stay with H. If you are okay with it, then go see your family.
Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]

Good point, yes I would want H to go see family if he had that opportunity, especially if I had other options. I'm not sad about being apart on Thanksgiving itself, I guess I just feel guilty about leaving for a holiday even though he's cool with it.

mocha beans

I'm with others that I'd go to see family.  If it was family that you see every year, that would be different, but if it's been 10 years, I'd go see them.  There's always the weekend before or after to do something just the two of you.  Maybe do a dinner the weekend before, then he has some leftovers to eat Thanksgiving day.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:003ac028-b875-4fd6-abf4-a01f3cef4065">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well considering my DH will be in Europe from the 16th to TG day. I know where you are coming from, but it's not such a big holiday for us. We usually just go to a local restaurant, just the 2 of us. But this year we are just going to do dinner on Satuday. Since I have to work Black Friday. I think I would stay home with him, and have a nice dinner just the 2 of you. I would feel funny going to my in-laws by myself for the holidays. But thats just me.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

I think a dinner on that Saturday would be great, especially since it will be his birthday. He's working all day, so I could prepare a meal and have it ready for dinnertime.

As for the in-laws, we actually gets along great with my family. I doubt he'd make the drive down there if he had options here (about 1.5 hour drive), but he would be comfortable. H and my stepdad are pretty close.

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_thanksgiving-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:26c4529d-0fc0-4367-bccf-fe64651a959fPost:f6e18dde-f088-4420-a577-4b58bed8114b">Re: Thanksgiving WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Thanksgiving WWYD? : I think a dinner on that Saturday would be great, especially since it will be his birthday. He's working all day, so I could prepare a meal and have it ready for dinnertime. As for the in-laws, we actually gets along great with my family. I doubt he'd make the drive down there if he had options here (about 1.5 hour drive), but he would be comfortable. H and my stepdad are pretty close.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

I get along fine with my in-laws as well, but it's 3 hours to visit them, or my family. I think I'd choose my family.But instead I choose none! I'll just wait for the weekend.

SEWF

I'd go. My family is really important to me, and FI understands that. And if you haven't been together in 10 years, it will also be a reunion. Take a bunch of pictures of him and show them off. He seems like he's fine with you going, so go. He might feel guilty about you missing Thanksgiving with your family to stay with him.