Please you and FI or please others?

Hjmarie

While planning your wedding did you make decisions based on what you and FI wanted? Or to please other people?
If conflict arose did you stick by your choice or appease others?

missy68

We worked with my parents to plan it.

Celles

We rolled 20-sided dice.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

My mother is overbearing and always puts her two cents in, but in the end - this is the wedding of me and my fiance - no one else.  We win out every time.

laurenclaire1386

Depends on what it is. For the most part, no one's told me I need to do anything I don't want to do, or said I can't do anything I want to do. It also depends on who's paying. Keep in mind that your guests' comfort should be at the forefront of a lot of wedding choices. Don't do things like, not have enough seating or food. Are you asking about something specifically? Or just in general? In general, keep in mind that compromise is a very useful skill to have in a marriage and that you should practice it as much as you can, and that it's just a party for one day. The marriage is what's important. Wanting what you want for your wedding isn't inherently bad, but when you hurt the people you love most in the name of "your" day, it gets ugly.

goheels05

LOL Celles.

LC pretty much hit the nail on the head. 

If someone makes a suggestion or says "oh, you don't want to do that," ask them why.  If it's because it will affect your guest's comfort ("you don't want to make everyone stand up the whole time, just rent some chairs") you should think about that.  If they are just being lame and obnoxious ("OMG don't wear ivory people will think you're not a VIRGIN") just smile and nod and change the subject. 

Hjmarie

This was more just a general question on how others handled this stuff...

Outside of always thinking about what would be nice/entertaining/best for our guests we have tried to do what we want for our wedding.  We also tried to listen and at least discuss our family & friends suggestions for our wedding.  But we have "pissed" off a few people along the way by not doing what they wanted us to.   They normally get over it in a few days (maybe not FMIL).

I don't really like the whole "This is MY day" thing, as its really about 2 people becoming one family and joining the 2 families together.  So we've tried to incorporate both families as much as possible.  But in the end we have had the final say.

merivale87

We have made decisions based on what FI and I want, because we are paying for it.

jennylove810

Pick your battles.

I've had to learn the difference between wanting things my way, just for the sake of getting my way, and what was TRULY important to Josh and I at the end of the day.

andyandhillary

I would say it was split 50/50.  I thought about things that were most important to me and what would help with keeping the peace.  Keeping the peace was very high on my list but that's me and I have an intense family. 

tiffersnc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_please-fi-please-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:29ebc797-3e58-433b-8aa1-0656fe8e9fa4Post:2df52d7b-1058-49b2-8df3-bd9b23fd6a15">Re: Please you and FI or please others?</a>:
[QUOTE]Pick your battles. <strong>I've had to learn the difference between wanting things my way, just for the sake of getting my way, and what was TRULY important</strong> to Josh and I at the end of the day.
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

<div>This, exactly. I've caved here and there, but it's because there's other stuff FI and I care more about. If my family felt strongly about a vendor (e.g., my florist), I caved because it wasn't worth it. But for things like having letterpress invitations, I've stood my ground because it's important to me and FI.</div>

goheels05

The regs on this board aren't big on the "my day" attitude, either. 

I tried to minimize conversation about the wedding by just not bringing it up.  We were paying for everything, so we felt no obligation to let others weigh in on our decisions. 

Also, a lot of things people thought were stupid/rolled their eyes at ended up being big hits.  When I chose brown bridesmaids dresses, everyone acted like I was dying them in a gallon of my own feces or something.  But of course they looked great and coordinated well with everything. Also, we served brunch instead of dinner to save money, and at the end of the day, everyone was telling us how much they loved the food.  Sometimes you need to just trust your gut. 

vegasgroom

FI and I decided what parts of the whole day were most important, fortunately none of them overlapped so she got the dress, ceremony and food she wanted, I got the venue, entertainment and destination I wanted.  We get along perfectly with all the in laws though so there was never any issues to worry about.  If there were though, we'd have gone with what we wanted, it's our day.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_please-fi-please-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:29ebc797-3e58-433b-8aa1-0656fe8e9fa4Post:22b82277-eac4-4303-8905-795bcf4c7674">Re: Please you and FI or please others?</a>:
[QUOTE]We rolled 20-sided dice.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

I love you.

megk8oz

Anyway, moving on to the OP, DH and I paid for the entire wedding ourselves. For the most part we weren't incredibly picky about things, so we were willing to at least hear people out, but we made it clear that we got the final say on everything.

There were a few really stupid things that my mother fought with me on. Some things I gave in on because I just didn't care and knew in 20 years we wouldn't even remember it, other things I firmly said, "This is my and DH's money and this is how we're choosing to spend it. If you want something different, then you are more than welcome to write a check". Usually, that would be the end of the argument (Which, yes, paying for everything yourselves has that incredibly sweet advantage).

Like PP said, it's really about picking your battles. Somethings are worth fighting over, somethings seriously, nobody will even remember in 20 years, or care about the day after the wedding.

SarahPLiz

We planned it with ALL of our guests in mind, but the decisions were ultimately ours. To help us with that, very few people know any details of the wedding. That way they can't have an opinion until the day of, and then its too late. 

missy68

Vegas, you KNOW you stomped your feet until you got your way in Vegas - admit it.

vegasgroom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_please-fi-please-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:29ebc797-3e58-433b-8aa1-0656fe8e9fa4Post:2fbcf82d-b988-4cc1-88f9-0fbd00a671b3">Re: Please you and FI or please others?</a>:
[QUOTE]Vegas, you KNOW you stomped your feet until you got your way in Vegas - admit it.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

It took surprisingly little work to get her from church wedding in her home town to fun wedding in Vegas LOL, I'm just going along with everything else she wants now that I got my check list done :-).

katiewhompus

Since everyone was contributing financially we just had a big pow wow at the beginning and said, ok, what is important to everyone? A few things didn't happen, like Dh's desire to get married in a Catholic church (I'm not Catholic) or my wanting for more dancing (crowd didn't work that way) but ultimately everyone got what they really really wanted.

Yes it was our (Dh and myself) wedding, but our families have always been big in our lives and wanted to give input. I also think we got lucky because my mother's wedding was completely planned by her mom, and sil's wedding was completely planned by her mil. Everyone was very big on "I would like if you could do this, but ultimately do what you want" which was really nice.

Of course now that we have a house the crazy is coming out which sucks!

kpwedkk

Since we - DH and I paid for our wedding, we got final say.  Yes we did keep the guest's comfort in mind, and just had to point thumbs when things got thick.

"Okay, we'll think about some idea and figure out how it incorporates into the theme."

"Oh...I really have to ask the groom  on this, because he wants to add his two cents in."