Toy Party... with MIL... would you go?

megk8oz

My SIL is hosting a "toy party" in a couple of weeks and has bugging me to go. I really don't want to, and I keep trying to tell her this (And I have explained exactly why), but she seems to think that I'm just being a weirdo and keeps trying to talk me into it.

"Toy parties" are really not something I'm comfortable being at in general. I will be the first person to admit that I'm absolutely "no fun" when it comes to that sort of stuff. I'm not some super-repressed, uptight bitch (DH and I do have a "healthy relationship") ... I just prefer to keep my bedroom life in the bedroom. I probably would just suck it up and deal for one night, if not for my real issue:

My MIL is going to be there.

And she's the type of women that would tell me (in great, horrifying detail) of her experience with specific products she's used. I know this, because she's brought stuff like this up in front of me (And DH) when it was completely off-topic. But even if she wasn't the Queen of TMI, I really just don't like the idea of being at a party like that with my MIL-to me, it seems awkward as hell, imo. 

I get that my SIL wants to spend time with me (And I really don't begrudge her for inviting MIL), and I really do appreciate that she's trying to include me, but am I really being unreasonable by not wanting to be involved with this?

staceytaylor0704

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I wouldn't want to go either.

LessThanZero

The fact that MIL would be there would be a giant no-no for me. Just feign an illness or something.

zippityb

I voted yes on going, because I think you should show up with some GI Joes and then act really confused.

ReneeJacob

Ew, no way! I'm on your side with this. I would just light-heartedly tell her that you're uncomfortable and wont be there. Then ask your SIL and/or MIL if you guys can do lunch or something soon...

Anysunrise

I'm just picturing my super sweet, conservative FMIL at one of these things and shuddering. There are some things I don't want to know. I don't blame you for not wanting to go.

ReneeJacob

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toy-party-mil-would?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b159bce-d43a-4d76-816e-8158fc785789Post:eaf01fcc-9aa6-467c-9463-49e7efbf8c59">Re: Toy Party... with MIL... would you go?</a>:
[QUOTE]I voted yes on going, because I think you should show up with some GI Joes and then act really confused.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

LOL ahhhh thats funny.

chirpchirp

Ha, I probably would go. 

But I also watched The One Eyed Monster with my FILs so there's that. 

ETA: not that they are weird people- actually very conservative.  But I think FMIL can get a little silly about stuff like that and we would have fun making fun of it.

SarahPLiz

My friend did this for her bach party, and her mom AND grandma were there. I was uncomfortable just looking at the pictures, I wasn't even there. Gross!

megk8oz

Ok, I'm glad to hear that I'm not crazy. Since it's not something I wouldn't be totally comfortable with in the first place, I really wasn't sure if I was just over-reacting to being more inclined to stay away when I found out MIL would be there, too.

LessThanZero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toy-party-mil-would?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b159bce-d43a-4d76-816e-8158fc785789Post:422df3d9-7126-46b8-9b72-a33bac0b6d1c">Re: Toy Party... with MIL... would you go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ew, no way! I'm on your side with this. I would just light-heartedly tell her that you're uncomfortable and wont be there. <strong>Then ask your SIL and/or MIL if you guys can do lunch or something soon...</strong>
Posted by ReneeJacob[/QUOTE]


Yes. Because I'm sure there's much more for you to bond over other than rubber weiners and handcuffs.

tidetravel

Just based on the title, Hell NO.

jasmineh7777

Oh God no.

maratea

Oh god, I wish it were me and my MIL. I would go just to see the look of disgust and uppity-ness on her face.

But in your situation, I wouldn't go, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Like PP suggested, just offer to go to lunch with them at a later date.

ohwhynot

Hahahahahaha.  I am dying.  Uh, that would be a giant NO, even though I sincerely hope my MIL would want to go to one of these.  With HER friends and relatives.  Ethel and her sister in law, would be an absolute hoot at a toy party, but I think I'd be plotzing the entire time.

OTOH, I could absolute torture my husband by telling him his Mom's reaction to, and purchasing decisions on, the variety of toys available.  That might make it worth it. 

[Deleted User]

I thought you meant kiddie toys at first and was all, why wouldn't you want to go? Sounds like fun!

Sex toys though...I wouldn't go regardless because I have no interest in them. However, I wouldn't be uncomfortable with my MIL or SIL. And it would be hilarious to go to a toy party with my mom because she's so awesomely inappropriate.

But if you're not comfortable, then just decline and maybe suggest a separate outing.

megk8oz

I like the lunch idea, or going for drinks or something like that.

As long as there are no rubber dongs around, I think I can handle it.

frogurt814

I've been to three toy parties that my MIL has been at.  MIL hosted a toy party for SIL's bach party.  Not only was MIL there, but also SIL, all of H's aunts and cousins were also there.

Recently, one of H's cousins got married and she had a toy party for her bach party.  Her mom was there, MIL was there, SIL was there, H's aunts and cousins, etc.

It's never been something I've been uncomfortable with.  Now, if my mom was at the party, I would feel super awkward.

EDIT: Just to clear this up, but you don't actually order stuff in front of other people at the toy party.  You go into a room with the consultant and order stuff privately.  If MIL was ordering toys in front of me, I probably wouldn't be comfortable with that.

Y I Oughta

AAAHHHHHH. Flashbacks to when my mom had these parties every other weekend. She always invited me and I refused to go. I don't want to talk about this stuff with my mom, so I don't blame you for not wanting to go. My brothers then GF went and decided to buy some things. From. my. MOM. Ew. There is no reason my mom should know about mine or my brothers bedroom goings on. She still holds it against me that I didn't go. But there was no way I was spending my Saturday night with a bunch of her friends and her talking about Toys

akhensley81

I've been to a couple of these parties, and while they're usually lighthearted and fun - I definitely wouldn't want to go with my MIL. And I think it's terribly rude that she's pushing you to go, when you've already told her you're not comfortable. I would stick to your guns - or "accidentally forget" and make other plans for that day/night.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toy-party-mil-would?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b159bce-d43a-4d76-816e-8158fc785789Post:76d8236b-3192-4227-87d5-a2cf76b271e9">Re: Toy Party... with MIL... would you go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hahahahahaha.  I am dying.  Uh, that would be a giant NO, even though I sincerely hope my MIL would want to go to one of these.  With HER friends and relatives.  Ethel and her sister in law, would be an absolute hoot at a toy party, but I think I'd be plotzing the entire time. <strong>OTOH, I could absolute torture my husband by telling him his Mom's reaction to, and purchasing decisions on, the variety of toys available.  That might make it worth it. 
</strong>Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Oh, poor DH has suffered enough-neither of his parents really have a filter when it comes to their sex lives. He tells me all the time how lucky I am that my mom experienced "immaculate conception ... all 4 times", lol.

LesPaul

Oh, no.  I couldn't picture going to such a thing with any of my SILs or MILs.  I would go with certain friends, but never with ILs.  Nope.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toy-party-mil-would?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b159bce-d43a-4d76-816e-8158fc785789Post:54dab4fd-80d2-485e-b24f-9f02d3c0868d">Re: Toy Party... with MIL... would you go?</a>:
[QUOTE]. <strong>There is no reason my mom should know about mine or my brothers bedroom goings on.</strong> Posted by Y I Oughta[/QUOTE]

That's really how I feel about it ... and DH feels the same way. Our parents, of all people, do not need to know what's going on behind our closed doors (Nor do we feel the need to know what's going on behind our parents' closed doors).

[Deleted User]

I would go and order the biggest strap on that they had.

sarah0725

Well for one thing, I kind of hate the whole sex toy party trend, and I hope I never get invited to one. Not because I'm a prude, but because in my experience it seems like a lot of that stuff was invented by men for women based on what they think women like, and in my experience, none of that stuff is what I like at all. There's always a problem. Hence, I find sex toys and sex stores pretty boring, and I'd have a hard time pretending to be all amused and titillated or whatever you're supposed to be at those things, because I would be bored.

As for FMIL, I have a feeling that if we were in the excruciating position of being at such an event together, she would actually be kind of a good ally because she would make me laugh. So yes, in that regard, if I were invited to such a horrible event and FMIL was also invited, I would be more inclined to go.

In your situation, could you just tell your SIL a lighthearted version of the truth - that you just want to keep your sex life private from MIL? I would think that would seem reasonable to most people.

ohwhynot

Sarah, I was pleasantly surprised at the one I attended.  The stuff they sold was pretty good, and woman-centered.  On that note, if you're in Madison, check out A Woman's Touch - awesome place.  Woman-owned and entirely woman-friendly.  Such a comfortable atmosphere. 

Worth a trip, actually ;-) 

BeeBee22

Ew. Ew. Ew.  I'm with you, too.  I don't actually know anyone who would want to do this, so I think they're the weirdos, not you.

It may not work, but you could try just telling her you won't be attending, but would love to meet for lunch (or whatever), and set a date.  If she keeps bringing it up, just tell her she already has your answer (or screen her messages until the party's over - a little passive, I know, but at some point you're entitled to stop talking to people who refuse to listen.).

Zippity's GI Joe thing cracked me up!

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toy-party-mil-would?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b159bce-d43a-4d76-816e-8158fc785789Post:0e81ed11-cc58-4b86-ac3a-0f3be2eaa414">Re: Toy Party... with MIL... would you go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In your situation, could you just tell your SIL a lighthearted version of the truth - that you just want to keep your sex life private from MIL? I would think that would seem reasonable to most people.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

You would think that ... I've actually told SIL I don't want to go and that it is because MIL will be there ... and she still doesn't get why I have a problem. Like I've said, MIL is <strong>way </strong>to open about her sex life, and always has been. So I guess instead of being totally horrified (Like DH), she just shrugs it off as "Mom being Mom".

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toy-party-mil-would?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b159bce-d43a-4d76-816e-8158fc785789Post:ae848947-71db-4605-ac35-f0565bcc6514">Re: Toy Party... with MIL... would you go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sarah, I was pleasantly surprised at the one I attended.  The stuff they sold was pretty good, and woman-centered.  On that note, if you're in Madison, check out A Woman's Touch - awesome place.  Woman-owned and entirely woman-friendly.  Such a comfortable atmosphere.  Worth a trip, actually ;-) 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Good to know <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toy-party-mil-would?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b159bce-d43a-4d76-816e-8158fc785789Post:10558cef-b9d6-4794-a4f6-dbe243b159ae">Re: Toy Party... with MIL... would you go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Toy Party... with MIL... would you go? : You would think that ... I've actually told SIL I don't want to go and that it is because MIL will be there ... and she still doesn't get why I have a problem. Like I've said, MIL is way to open about her sex life, and always has been. So I guess instead of being totally horrified (Like DH), she just shrugs it off as "Mom being Mom".
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

Well in that case, would it do you any good to try seeing things from SIL's point of view? Or do you think that's even possible for you? Any time I realize a couple in my parents' generation is still having sex, I am kind of relieved, because I hope that will be true of me. At least they're not like my parents, who I'm quite certain are not having sex, but who go on Second Life where their avatars do. They'd be better off doing it in real life, in my opinion.

raynes

Yeah, I'm firmly in the "no" camp.  Though this sort of situation would never arise for me, as my SIL is a bit of a prude who I'm pretty sure never ever, um, helps herself.  My MIL would probably be like the grandmother in Made of Honor.  You know, with the thunder beads.