Bullying/Teasing

LessThanZero

MissCourtney's thread below inspired this.

I hope this doesn't sound insensitive but I'm having issues digesting this whole bullying/teasing epidemic that's going on. Are there just more kids doing more bullying and teasing these days? Are those being bullied just way more sensitive?

These types of things have been going on for years and I feel like suddenly kids are just deciding to off themselves in record numbers because of it. I remember being teased quite a bit about different things in elementary and middle school and sure it hurt me, but I never considered suicide because of it.

Like I said, I don't mean this to sound insensitive or anything. I guess I'm looking to pick everyone's brain about why they think this is happening.

I'm sure it's a combination of things, like the use of the internet to be able to really dig at people instead of just in class or on the playground. But at the same time I feel like it must be something more. Especially, when a good portion of the kids committing suicide or trying to are so very young.

Thoughts?

MarriedInAFever

I think social media plays a huge role. I would HATE to have FB in high school. I can't imagine.

zippityb

Kids used to duke it out in the park after school. I blame zero tolerance on violence.

“Listen girls, violence never solves anything except... conflict.”

“I know, I'm a pacifist. I pass-a-fist... get it?”  /Geoffrey Jellineck

K Byte

Well I suffered deep depression and anxiety as a result of bullying from the age of 9 onward. I think that when suicides come into the media in a high profile way it maybe makes some ... not exactly "copycat" suicides but when teen suicides become high profile I think it puts the idea into other already emotionally fragile kids, kwim?

I definitely think bullying is a lot worse now because of the whole cyber-bullying aspect. I can't even imagine being a child/teen now, it must be horrible. There are so many ways to harass someone -- cell phones, texting, Facebook/Myspace, all that stuff so the kids don't even have a reprieve when they go home from school for the day. I dunno it makes me want to homeschool my kids or something and I don't even have kids! I just know what I went through so I know how much WORSE it must be now!

amber2123

I remember being bullied/teased, but now kids are meaner.  My niece came home crying because she was told that I was Wiccan(a parent that I served with's daughter goes to her school) and that it meant that Jesus hated me, I was going to burn in hell, and that if she ever spoke to me again that Jesus would hate her too.  My niece goes to church ever Sunday and is as active as a five year old can be expected to be.  I've never heard of things like this before recently.

Ash2985

I think MIAF is right.  It probably has to do with the kids having a lot more access to each other outside of just school hours.  There are a lot more avenues for the bullying to happen outside of school, with Facebook and all the other stuff.  My parents pretty closely regulated my phone/internet time while I was in school, and I didn't really have too much contact with people who weren't my friends outside of the actual school day.

I also do think that kids/people in general are recognizing it more and being more vocal about it, because it's less acceptable.

NatesGirl16

I was intensely bullied as a kid, but I definitely think it's way worse now. 

Although schools (or at least, mine) crack down on what happens in school, the social media aspect makes the problem that much more difficult to eradicate.  We have a zero tolernace policy, but kids can text, FB, email, etc, all from their phones.  Also, there's only so much schools can legally do to minors. Suspension doesn't really solve the problem.  Anti-bullying assemblies don't really solve the problem, KWIM?

 In addition, many parents act like kids (think about the mom who bullied her daughter's classmate on myspace), which adds to the problem.

MISSCOURTNEY20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bullyingteasing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2d1ce8d1-2ec7-4bc1-ab21-5cc21ed77149Post:95fd30d6-3a35-49ae-b199-9f93218f70c6">Bullying/Teasing</a>:
[QUOTE]MissCourtney's thread below inspired this. I hope this doesn't sound insensitive but I'm having issues digesting this whole bullying/teasing epidemic that's going on. Are there just more kids doing more bullying and teasing these days? Are those being bullied just way more sensitive? These types of things have been going on for years and I feel like suddenly kids are just deciding to off themselves in record numbers because of it. I remember being teased quite a bit about different things in elementary and middle school and sure it hurt me, but I never considered suicide because of it. Like I said, I don't mean this to sound insensitive or anything. I guess I'm looking to pick everyone's brain about why they think this is happening. I'm sure it's a combination of things, like the use of the <strong>internet</strong> to be able to really dig at people instead of just in class or on the playground. But at the same time I feel like it must be something more. Especially, when a good portion of the kids committing suicide or trying to are so very young. Thoughts?
Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]

THIS!!

Now the kids can't go home and get away from it. Kids now have FB pages where they talk about one another. MySpace pages where a whole page is dedicated to bullying certain kids. It is awful!! At least when we were little, we could go home and not deal with it.

pixiedust84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bullyingteasing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2d1ce8d1-2ec7-4bc1-ab21-5cc21ed77149Post:e386882a-b25b-47c9-8cfb-084756e28739">Re: Bullying/Teasing</a>:
[QUOTE]I think social media plays a huge role. I would HATE to have FB in high school. I can't imagine.
Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

This absolutely. It would be very hard to be a kid now because of all the ways there are to bully someone. There's no escape like there used to be. Plus the bullying can be anonymous which I would assume makes the person doing the bullying even more brutal.

LessThanZero

I agree with all of you about the internet playing a huge part in this.

I also look at the psychological/social aspect of it, where there seems to be this gap in the generation of kids who first fully grew up with the internet at their disposal. It's as if they were never made aware of how powerful it can be in that aspect.

I also feel like there's some parenting issues at play. It scares me. I'd love to be able to say that I'll raise kids who would never tease anyone else, but how do I know? Kids get so much of who they are from their parents, but also from their peers.

LedZeppelin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bullyingteasing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2d1ce8d1-2ec7-4bc1-ab21-5cc21ed77149Post:7bfeb08b-bdee-4ab7-8586-b526c0dac73e">Re: Bullying/Teasing</a>:
[QUOTE]I was intensely bullied as a kid, but I definitely think it's way worse now.  Although schools (or at least, mine) crack down on what happens in school, the social media aspect makes the problem that much more difficult to eradicate.  We have a zero tolernace policy, but kids can text, FB, email, etc, all from their phones.  Also, there's only so much schools can legally do to minors. Suspension doesn't really solve the problem.  Anti-bullying assemblies don't really solve the problem, KWIM?  In addition, many parents act like kids (think about the mom who bullied her daughter's classmate on myspace), which adds to the problem.
Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this and would add that a lot of parents don't actually discipline their children like they did in the old days. I'm not saying they should beat them with a switch, but a lot of kids get no discipline and are allowed to be holy terrors. They just get worse as they get older.

brilibby4

I definitely think the internet and cell phones have A LOT to do with this.  It is very easy to "anonymously" tease/torment someone on the internet.  Even children who don't dare speak up to others face-to-face can say mean things online without having to deal with the consequences.  It is much easier to tell someone off on the internet than it is to walk up to someone and say something mean without getting caught.  I have seen horrible facebook groups making fun of people I went to high school with that make me cringe.

Also, I remember my parents reporting a harassment issue that I experienced on the internet from some of my peers and the school was unable to do anything because it occurred off school grounds.  I'm sure many students and parents feel helpless in internet teasing situations.  It is so sad

[Deleted User]

I was constantly teased in middle school and yes, it made me think of suicide. But I never reached that point because at least I had a safe home. Now, kids tormet each other on message boards, FB, etc. I've even read a story about a group of girls making an entire website dedicated to tearing apart one of their classmates.

And even if you have your FB settings super private, kids can still send hateful text messages. They can't get away from it. Thank god those avenues weren't around when I was a kid.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I do think bullying is a lot worse today because of the internet/cell phones and such - but this rash of suicides we've heard about lately - I kind of attribute to copycats.  Hear me out: lots of suicides happen in clusters.  It's entirely possible that a child could hear about one kid killing themselves to escape bullying, and then see suicide as a way out of their own torture. 

Nebb

I disagree that kids are meaner now, they just have more ways to be mean. I was bullied a lot in school, teased a LOT (and I was always glad when some other loser did something to draw attention because that meant the attention wasnt on me for a while), and I survived. I think a bit of teasing and hard times help you grow and learn to deal with difficult situations, but I dont think kids are given a lot of chances dealing with rejection, failure, punishment or hear the word "no". I think that plays a lot into it. I do think that with the over sexualize nature of younger kids now a days, the different medias, there are a lot more easy targets.

I do think that the earlier kids can be taught compassion, the consequences of their actions, and actual discipline, the better off the situation would be.

whereyat

Agreed with these that it's the social media aspect of it.

The solution, I strongly believe, is to have Conflict Resolution curriculum in every singe grade level.  Think of how different we would be if every single grade took Dispute Resolution curriculum, K-12, every single school.  No, it wouldn't "eliminate" all the problems, conflict will always "exist," but at least give kids the tools of how to deal with differences.  If you google "conflict resolution curriculum" there is some great material out there. 

Also agreed that its the parents who act like kids....seeing adults on TV/online/on facebook acting racist, disrespectful, etc., what kind of example are they setting....

brilibby4

Ohh I forgot prank calls.  It is obviously much easier for kids to get away with prank calling their peers when they have their own cell phones. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Well LTZ, from what I've gotten to know about you on these boards, you don't exactly strike me as a person who would randomly just up and be a jackass to me just because of my job We're cool.

LessThanZero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bullyingteasing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2d1ce8d1-2ec7-4bc1-ab21-5cc21ed77149Post:20ad9f28-9fa6-49ca-ba9e-7713e0aa4786">Re: Bullying/Teasing</a>:
[QUOTE]Well LTZ, from what I've gotten to know about you on these boards, you don't exactly strike me as a person who would randomly just up and be a jackass to me just because of my job :) We're cool.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]


Super smiley face.

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bullyingteasing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2d1ce8d1-2ec7-4bc1-ab21-5cc21ed77149Post:bc0bf6fb-7b0e-41a8-b301-78a92d69284a">Re: Bullying/Teasing</a>:
[QUOTE]I do think it also has something to do with the selfish, never wanting for anything, over indulged nature of kids now a days - which does relate back to my "never hearing no" comment.<strong> I think it has a lot to do with how much more parents work, how busy our society is so parents dont/cant take the time to properly discipline or supervise their children</strong>. I dont think (many) kids have boundaries anymore, that we might have as children.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

I also think that parents are so busy working to make ends meet that they don't have time to be there for the kids. Every night my parents and I would talk about our days, the people we interracted with, and ways to solve problems. With parents work schedules I don't see that happening very often with current kids. A lot of the teens at my high school are alone from the time they wake up until after they go to bed because parents are working double shifts, night shifts, or second jobs. When your school life is going crazy and you feel alone at home it is a horrible mixture for a child who is already in a mental and chemical (hormonal) whirlwind.

I somewhat disagree with prank calling being easier though. Most phones have caller ID on them now so I think it would be harder to prank call when the recipient can just look up the phone number or *69 it. It does terrify me that certain phones have apps that allow you to change the number that is calling however. 

zippityb

*69 meant the end of my prank calling days. Now I'll never get ahold of Boner Johnson.

amber2123

If you *67 it, it makes it "Unavailable" and MUCH harder to find

playtntsbpg30

It's more of the humiliation that the children are put out then the bullying itself I think. The internet definitely isn't helping much nowadays. The resources are out there. They see and hear how an adult killed themself because of whatever reason. So it's their way out. 
I remember being picked on for my weight, for having greasy hair. Even when I was in cosmo-class at vo-tech, we had to wash eachother's hair and knowing my hair was washed (if I did it at home or not) the very next day I'd still get picked on. Till this day my hair is still greasy and looks dirty just hours after getting it washed(shower)....And then I got picked on because of my dad;s job.. I at least had a father that had a job. These kids' parents were unemployed or druggies or didn't have the father in the picture. They had nothing better to do.

Sometimes this really hurt me especially those times i went home and it continued from my brothers, my mom and even my father, would pick on me about my weight... My dad was always "joking" but he went overboard  A LOT of the time.

Today's day in age I wouldn't be able to handle high school. It's too stressful for just being high-school.

marissa_claire

Did anyone mention the attention factor?  Every kid that is bullied to the point where they kill themselves end up being glorified in the news.  It's like Columbine.  When that went down, a lot of kids saw how much attention the shooters received for what they did.  Even if it's in death, a lot of kids find that kind of media attention attractive.

sarah0725

I don't really think that bullying is worse now than it has been at other times. I think it comes up every few years, and people make a big deal about it in the media, and then another controversy comes along. I was in high school in the late 90's when all the school shootings were going on, and bullying was discussed a lot in the news then, although plenty of people were also happy to blame them on South Park and Marilyn Manson. The Rutgers bullying/suicide can also more or less be boiled down to having people peek in your window, which my dad says happened when he was in college. Things like that incident were also definitely going on at Rutgers while I was there - there was lots of unauthorized amateur porn on our file sharing network.

It's just that the presence of new technology in some of these cases is giving the media something different to talk about. I think kids in general are just as mean as they've always been.

whereyat

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bullyingteasing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2d1ce8d1-2ec7-4bc1-ab21-5cc21ed77149Post:eb3b1a91-832b-4ce7-83b3-da2a6bd06fe6">Re: Bullying/Teasing</a>:
[QUOTE]And lastly, I think a big issue is overall social acceptance of bullying of certain groups. The majority of teen suicides lately have been gay kids, or kids who were perceived to be gay. The way our society as a whole treats gay people is a huge factor in how these kids cope with bullying, and how their bullying is addressed. If all the religious leaders, politicians, school officials and half of the parents in your town say being gay is an abomination, than kids will tell you that you're going to hell and that you're a horrible sinner, and sooner or later, you'll believe it.
Posted by kcullen37[/QUOTE]

EXACTLY.  I wish these adults would realize they are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

ETA: OMG Uncle Joey, I didn't see that earlier!!

Belle2Be

Thanks for the food for thought all!

I'm also in the boat that I don't think it's any worse now than it ever was, but I'm also not amidst current pre-teens and teens, so my opinion doesn't count for much. But in general, things tend to come (and get blown up) and go in the media, last year it was teen pregnancies, this year bullying, next year ? etc.