Help save my dog's life

MarriedInAFever

'cause I'm gonna friggin' kill him. Today I got home from work and came in the front door, which is rare. And I see two little paw prints against the glass. My little turd dog broke through the baby gate and had free reign of the entire house today. It looks like Motley Crue had a house party while I was at work.

Causalities:

-coffee table centerpiece
-TV clicker
-pair of shoes
-doggie bathing hose (guess he didn't like it)

And the big one:

-one pair of Dolce and Gabbana eyeglasses.

Someone please tell me a story or a joke so I won't kill my dog. He likes SB and is pleading his innocence:

NatesGirl16

I love that I can see Nebb's sig in your pic.

And I'm sorry about the reign of terror. 

anna.oskar

He did it because he loves you and not only that, he loves the things that remind him of you.

I think he's waiting to be thanked for helping you out.  Looking at you with those big eyes.

slubkin

Yikes!  My dog bit a hole in the middle of the middle couch cushion and pulled all the foam out, thereby destroying my leather couch.  We replaced it with a wood-framed twin bed as we decided it was more dog-proof.  He also gets crated during the day so when I come home I'm actually happy to see him (he was crate-trained when I got him but I was too lazy to buy a crate till after he destroyed hundreds of dollars worth of my stuff). 

jessienjeremy

He is too cute to be mad at!!
Here is something cute for you!



He is in trouble cause he wont leave his wound alone!

DodgersBride

At least you didn't wish that he got a disease and died.

That sucks. I'd be pissed too but look at that face its too cute.

[Deleted User]

You want a story? I'll give you a story. This was my afternoon.

Have you ever wondered what happens when you're taking a shower and your cat suddenly lunges through the curtain to join you? Well, I'll tell you. First, you let out a garbled scream-curse because you think someone just broke in and is trying to murder you. Then, you slip because you still don't have perfect balance due to an injured and extremely sensitive toe, and knock all the shampoo, soap, and shaving cream off the shelves.

Next, you hit your head on the shower wall, again releasing a stream of curses. Finally you look down to see your intruder slipping and sliding across the fallen bath items, none too happy at being soaked to the bone. As he makes his final leap, you are scratched across your bad toe as memory of your oh-so-relaxing hot shower.

Reign of terror, thy name is Sir Whisky Sour.

LessThanZero

slubkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_save-dogs-life?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:31d2d469-448d-4459-938c-8d2c3fb12b13Post:3ef0cba3-d677-415f-9c36-634ce72cac71">Re: Help save my dog's life</a>:
[QUOTE]At least you didn't wish that he got a disease and died. That sucks. I'd be pissed too but look at that face its too cute.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]
Oooh I remember reading that post.  That was really sad to read.

slubkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_save-dogs-life?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:31d2d469-448d-4459-938c-8d2c3fb12b13Post:65fe6e79-30a5-443b-945d-6c4bc04dd929">Re: Help save my dog's life</a>:
[QUOTE]You want a story? I'll give you a story. This was my afternoon. Have you ever wondered what happens when you're taking a shower and your cat suddenly lunges through the curtain to join you? Well, I'll tell you. First, you let out a garbled scream-curse because you think someone just broke in and is trying to murder you. Then, you slip because you still don't have perfect balance due to an injured and extremely sensitive toe, and knock all the shampoo, soap, and shaving cream off the shelves. Next, you hit your head on the shower wall, again releasing a stream of curses. Finally you look down to see your intruder slipping and sliding across the fallen bath items, none too happy at being soaked to the bone. As he makes his final leap, you are scratched across your bad toe as memory of your oh-so-relaxing hot shower. Reign of terror, thy name is Sir Whisky Sour.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]
LOL!!! Our cats would do this kind of thing, but luckily we have a glass shower door!    Instead they high dive off the 5' cat tree in the bedroom onto FI while he's lying in bed.  Apparently it hurts, even if they DON'T land on his junk.

MarriedInAFever

I'm appreciating the responses. He does have the saddest puppy dog eyes. That picture was actually taken another day. He's been in time out. I'm just dreading cleaning all this shiit up.

jessienjeremy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_save-dogs-life?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:31d2d469-448d-4459-938c-8d2c3fb12b13Post:65fe6e79-30a5-443b-945d-6c4bc04dd929">Re: Help save my dog's life</a>:
[QUOTE]You want a story? I'll give you a story. This was my afternoon. Have you ever wondered what happens when you're taking a shower and your cat suddenly lunges through the curtain to join you? Well, I'll tell you. First, you let out a garbled scream-curse because you think someone just broke in and is trying to murder you. Then, you slip because you still don't have perfect balance due to an injured and extremely sensitive toe, and knock all the shampoo, soap, and shaving cream off the shelves. Next, you hit your head on the shower wall, again releasing a stream of curses. Finally you look down to see your intruder slipping and sliding across the fallen bath items, none too happy at being soaked to the bone. As he makes his final leap, you are scratched across your bad toe as memory of your oh-so-relaxing hot shower. Reign of terror, thy name is Sir Whisky Sour.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

Your post cracked me up. As I am reading this I can picture it happening..

MarriedInAFever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_save-dogs-life?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:31d2d469-448d-4459-938c-8d2c3fb12b13Post:fea257ba-054a-4b00-a716-4859acdec470">Re: Help save my dog's life</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help save my dog's life : Just be glad it's not really sh*t that you have to clean up. Our friends boxer got out of her crate when they were at work.  (Used her tongue to unhook the latch).  She somehow shut herself in their master bathroom and proceeded to crap everywhere because she was scared.  She even pulled the towel rack off the wall.  Poopy puppy prints on the walls, towels, poop in the tile grout, etc.  Our friends said the funniest thing was she had no poop on herself.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

This made me laugh. Why are dogs so freaking crafty though? IT'S A SAFETY GATE! He must have bulldozed it with his 25 lbs. of fury.

slubkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_save-dogs-life?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:31d2d469-448d-4459-938c-8d2c3fb12b13Post:fea257ba-054a-4b00-a716-4859acdec470">Re: Help save my dog's life</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help save my dog's life : Just be glad it's not really sh*t that you have to clean up. Our friends boxer got out of her crate when they were at work.  (Used her tongue to unhook the latch).  She somehow shut herself in their master bathroom and proceeded to crap everywhere because she was scared.  She even pulled the towel rack off the wall.  Poopy puppy prints on the walls, towels, poop in the tile grout, etc.  Our friends said the funniest thing was she had no poop on herself.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
OMG that would be a nightmare! 

slubkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_save-dogs-life?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:31d2d469-448d-4459-938c-8d2c3fb12b13Post:ed718a4b-f658-40fd-8749-e8f474e7a5ea">Re: Help save my dog's life</a>:
[QUOTE]That blue monster in my sig pooped in our bedroom at 3 am a few weeks ago. The smell woke me up. 
Posted by Chi_Chi[/QUOTE]
That's happened to me too in the past.  Now I'm so sensitive to the smell that sometimes I wake up when one of the cats poops in the box in our bathroom.

kd.joseph

Well I'm sorry MILF, mine is not that bad. I just came home to dirt from the large plant in the office all over the carpet. Usually our dog eats it, so she got the evil eye. But when I went back in for something else, Tobie was actually laying in the plant.

Welcome to pet ownership!

ETA: At least it was a load of runny poop.

MarriedInAFever

I'm really glad he didn't poop too. And I'm really glad he only took the cushions off the couch. it's the nicest thing in the house. I'm just really mad because I had to stick him in time out and I enjoy our Friday nights hanging out and watching trash television.

kd.joseph

Yeah its really like having a child. Believe me, I feel ya!

linguo42

When I was growing up we had a dalmatian. Cute as a button. Sneaky as a cat burglar.

Things she ate on various occasions:

- Three entire loaves of bread, plastic and all, off the kitchen counter, on three different days. She managed to reach across the counter and hook the packaging with her nails.
- My father's leather wallet
- A slice of pizza directly out of my friend's hand
- Her own poop, and our poodle's as well
- Three slices of chocolate fudge cake that my dad left unattended on the counter for half a minute. Somehow she didn't get sick, and we couldn't really be mad at her, because she somehow managed to leave the good china that the cake had been on perfectly intact.

Also, back when we had a rotary phone (god I feel old), our poodle decided she liked the sound of the dial tone and started knocking the receiver off its cradle so she could listen to it for hours at a time. We pretty confused about why everyone kept telling us our line was busy until we caught her in the act.

missy68

Oh yes - my previous sweet girl, Maggie, as a 7 pound puppy, stole a package of 4 hamburger buns. And ate every.last.one. of them. When I got home, you could see the bulges in her belly. She waddled for a couple of days, but never got sick.

I used to pen her up in the bedroom and bathroom, until I discovered she was literally climbing paw over paw over the baby gate to get out (my visiting supervvisor witnessed this - I worked out of my home).

My parents had a dog who would steal entire loaves of bread from the kitchen and take them up into my brother's room (he had twin beds). She'd get under the unused bed, and eat the whole loaf. Mom once pulled like 6 wrappers out before we figured out what was going on.

And - Bad Dog Bonnie. Bonnie is a Lab. And she is very much the stereotype. She was my cousin's dog, but of course being in college and living at my grandparents' house, he couldn't have her with him. So he lived at my aunt and uncle's house. BDB ate an entire turkey cooling on the oven rack with the door open, ate a leather binder of my uncle's, ate a bag of Hershey Kisses (she had sparkly poop for a while), and my "favorite-" my uncle's government-issued ultra-loaded mega-GPSed out thousand dollar phone (she bit the screen - he had to pay to have it replaced). Every time he got mad at her - "was it in Bonnie range?" and he'd walk away, 
 muttering under his breath. When he retired, they gave him a picture, and the only image I remember from it is a photo of Bonnie, with a (photoshopped) maroon beret on, and a cell phone (photoshopped) in her mouth. I think it was a mural of all the places he'd served.