Mom's Friends

olivethomas

I'm 33 and paying for my own wedding. Actually that's not true, I make an abysmal amount of money and have student debt so my fiance is paying for it. Anyhoo what's the age/independence limit after which your parents are no longer offered a set number of guests of their choosing to invite to your wedding? Like my aunt got married at 52 a couple of years ago. She didn't ask my freaking 80-year-old grandmother which of her canasta buddies should come.
I want my family to be there when I get married. So my fiance and I are hosting a reception party and inviting said family. I have figured out that all the family and friends I want and need to have there: my mom's family, my dad's family, future in-laws' family. Have consulted with them on who is important to include, who we might be overlooking etc. We can afford to have family. That's it
So what does my mom do but ask if she could invite 3 friends from WORK. These are not people I grew up with. I think I've met each of them twice. I told her no and she said "well you better not turn into a bridezilla." Months later my sister is still asking me to invite at least one of these women.
Um, effing sorry. We have a budget, most imporantly there are friends, personal friends and colleagues of MINE that I had to cut, and frankly the way we are looking at it is we're throwing a party to celebrate our wedding and inviting people who are important to US to it. If my parents were HOSTING the wedding, they could invite Sally from Accounts Payable. My dad? Not asking for jack doo-doo (parents divorced).
I've seen it written on here that you should give Mommy her entourage of cronies but I feel like I'm way past this in my life. When I graduate from my masters program, I'm not letting her invite people to the party. She hasn't invited her friends to my birthday parties. Etc.

akhensley81

You pay, you say. Tell her to stfu.

laurenclaire1386

Yup you're right. Keep putting the kibosh on those invites.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_moms-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3bab71a6-de09-4484-a463-99019c3c585ePost:dc1ebd88-b4eb-4173-bab6-9e4423a17877">Re: Mom's Friends</a>:
[QUOTE]You pay, you say. Tell her to stfu.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

This.

xokristina89

I agree with PP but maybe you could tell her that if she wants to invite the three friends, then she can pay for them? I know my venue was $70 a head for food, so ask her to pay the specific amount per each person for anyone extra that she wants to invite.

BBunny!

I agree with what pp are saying. If your family is still after you to invite her friends then maybe you need to sit down with them and tell them exactly what you said here you are on a limited budget, people who are close personal friends of yours are not being invited because of your budget and you can't afford to invite people you have never met, or maybe talked to once or twice to your wedding. Good job sticking to your guns and saying no!

olivethomas

Thanks people! I appreciate it: I almost never see etiquette guidelines that DON'T tell you to give your parents guests so I wanted to know what people actually thought

My mom DID offer to pay, which I wouldn't necessarily have to take her up on (I figure these ladies would pay their way in gifts as the wedding is pretty reasonably priced)--the main problem as I see it is that our budget and taste dictated where we booked the reception, and the room is for 100 people, however now the guest list is up to 110, and we think most of those people are actually going to come! So it's going to be tight enough that I feel like strangers would just displace other wanted guests who didn't make the budget cut. If we have a sizable "no" response, then I'm not necessarily averse to having one of these ladies on the B list. That's another thing--I feel like they're giving me grief right off the bat without considering the concept of the B list

My sister DID invite the 3 friends when she got married a couple of years ago, but she was 25, still living at home at the time, and had a huge, very roomy reception that my mom's parents paid for. Totally different circumstances, I think.

Anyway I'm sticking to my guns, I think she's just nervous to have to be in the same room as my dad, but she'll have plenty of support in the way of family

Thanks again!

quotequeen

I don't think there is any age at which your parents need to be given a set number of guests to invite.  I am not giving our parents the option to invite anyone they like up to a set number.  If they want to invite certain people, I will consider that, but when my mom said that she wanted to invite her high school friend that she just reconnected with, I said no way.  I have never met this person, and since she hasn't talked to my mom since around the time of high school, she didn't even know I existed until recently.  It's not because I don't have room for her, or can't afford to have her there, it's because she is a complete stranger to me.  My mom offering to pay for her plate would not change my mind.

g8rbride2010

ugh, mine tried to pull this too