Snarky Brides
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am I being a whiney b!+ch??

My FI is not chivalrous person in the world but today really got to me.  At the grocery store I had a bunch of bananas with 2 yogurts stacked on top of the bananas in one and and a bag of grapes in the other hand.  FI had nothing.

When we got in the car I said "I don't want you to take this the wrong way but if I don't ask you for help, should I assume you're just not going to offer it?"  He didn't know what I meant so I said "Unless I'm tripping over myself are you just going to assume I'm fine?"  And he said "yeah probaby, you're a big girl if you need help you can ask." 
I know this could have been avoided by just getting a damn basket...

So we get back to the house and I'm trying to talk to him and hold him and begin to say "look I don't want to fight...." but he won't even look up from the coupon book so I figured I might as well not waste my time. 

So I'm I just being whiney pmsing bizznatch or would this annoy you too?
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"You wore a tit dress at an AIDS party??? You need to go to the whore corner with Mara " - Blue

Re: am I being a whiney b!+ch??

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    edited April 2011
    Sherr, I think you're just having a rough day. Go get some wine, girl.

    ETA: I complained about FI last night, so I'm right there with you.
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    Can you see me?? How'd you know I'm having a terrible day?? ;)

    <3 you! and wine!!
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    "You wore a tit dress at an AIDS party??? You need to go to the whore corner with Mara " - Blue
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:91c0fd1a-08bf-469a-9c93-578dd6ce3448">Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can you see me?? How'd you know I'm having a terrible day?? ;) <3 you! and wine!!
    Posted by sherrbearr22[/QUOTE]

    <div>TBH, I'd be annoyed at him, but I'm sure there's some other stuff that just built up your annoyance factor today.  It happens to me ALL THE TIME.</div><div>
    </div><div>I punched my mattress yesterday out of frustration. HAH.</div>
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    I agree. I think you overreacted a little bit, but it would annoy me too. Just take a nice bath / shower, and relax..
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    If you had actually considered picking a fight over it, yes.  That's overreaction.

    Do I think you had the right to be slightly annoyed? yup.
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    Bath, wine, Hunger Games.  I think I'm set!
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    "You wore a tit dress at an AIDS party??? You need to go to the whore corner with Mara " - Blue
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:df219bc4-a398-433c-bf43-65a61d90387c">Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sherr, I think you're just having a rough day.
    Posted by aprilbride410[/QUOTE]

    This.


    My H always offers to carry stuff for me.  Says it hurts his "man card" standing if he lets a woman do all the work while he stands idle.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:e5bfbf90-8f70-4975-857e-924971a5c73c">Re: am I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bath, wine, Hunger Games.  I think I'm set!
    Posted by sherrbearr22[/QUOTE]

    That sounds like a great night!
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    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:e33a207c-e32d-4771-aa1f-dd29fd719fc3">Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>If you had actually considered picking a fight over it, yes.</strong>  That's overreaction. Do I think you had the right to be slightly annoyed? yup.
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

    oh, sorry, I worded that stupidly.  I was trying to make up but could tell he wasn't in it so I let it go...and then got on the knot LOL
    ETA: I can't friggin spell today!
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    "You wore a tit dress at an AIDS party??? You need to go to the whore corner with Mara " - Blue
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:14aef57a-2c09-431e-9404-d0fc51ab4f68">Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch?? : This. My H always offers to carry stuff for me.  Says it hurts his "man card" standing if he lets a woman do all the work while he stands idle.
    Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

    <div>We must be married to the same guy.</div><div>
    </div><div>H gets genuinely offended when I do stuff around the house.  So, now he gets to carry in all of the groceries.. up two flights of stairs.  No problem for me ;)</div>
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    I say yes and no.  Yes, you are being a pms-ing whiney bitch and no, I don't blame you :).  I'd be right there with you, annoyed and picking a fight over it.  Get you some drinks, girl, and vent it out here.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:457f928c-9dce-4592-9b59-27fef962901c">Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch?? : We must be married to the same guy. H gets genuinely offended when I do stuff around the house.  So, now he gets to carry in all of the groceries.. up two flights of stairs.  No problem for me ;)
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

    <div>Do either of your H's give seminars on this stuff?</div>
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    NebbNebb member
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    My husband doesnt offer to carry stuff for me, he just knows im going to give it to him so he better just take it. Im not going to wait for him to do it, I will just ask him to do it or tell him hes doing it. One or the other.
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    Nates, did I tell you yet just how pretty you look in that dress of yours?

    I can't wait to GTG again!
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    He should have helped you, but being passive agressive about it only exacerbated the situation. You were both wrong. You need to communicate your expectations. Then if he doesn't meet them, you can be mad. You can't expect him to all of a sudden do something he's never done before and get all pissy when he doesn't read your mind. Communicate!
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    THANKS, April! And ME EITHER!!! Yay, GTG :)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:dc09b943-3007-4554-b8e8-e0acd329fba4">Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch?? : Do either of your H's give seminars on this stuff?
    Posted by aprilbride410[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually, he has given both of my little brothers a chat or two ;)  As well as his guy friends. haha.</div><div>
    </div><div>Maybe I should convince him to do this on the side.... right after he teaches his self-defense classes to the girls ;) haha</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:90908b9a-deaf-479d-baaa-4da1c72fc24e">Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch?? : Actually, he has given both of my little brothers a chat or two ;)  As well as his guy friends. haha. Maybe I should convince him to do this on the side.... right after he teaches his self-defense classes to the girls ;) haha
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

    <div>FI is usually good about this kind of stuff but sometimes he just needs a brush-up on his manners, KWIM?</div>
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    i lucked out in that BF loves to show his man card by carrying as many groceries in one trip as possible--less for me! but other than that his chivalry is pretty non-existent
    5/27/12
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    Sherr, I just looked at your bio for the first time and I really want to go to your wedding.

    Also, I love your dresses. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:fa90d669-e373-4d9c-b89a-d9a300df654b">Re: am I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]My husband doesnt offer to carry stuff for me, he just knows im going to give it to him so he better just take it. Im not going to wait for him to do it, I will just ask him to do it or tell him hes doing it. One or the other.
    Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

    Ha! I'm like this 50% of the time. The other 50%, FI is like Anna/Steph's H's.. He'll take the stuff or I'll hand it to him. Haha.

    If I can handle it, I won't get mad at him for not helping me.
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    I totally get where you are coming from, but have to agree about communicating expectations.  It took me awhile to realize that I needed to be very direct with my husband about what I expected/wanted. 

    His favorite line is, "explain it to me like I am a four year old."  It doesn't mean that he isn't thoughtful and kind but he also isn't in my brain and sometimes looks at a situation in a totally different light.  Now go get that wine if you haven't already! :)
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    OP-- Im 50/50 on this one b/c there are times the FI is really good about "being there" for things but then he certainly has his moments where Im like "hello...Earth to Y-O-U" but I have to keep in mind that I have those moments too and I am NO peach when pms is lurking.  Its a give & take kind of thing but for tonight...like April said, have a glass of wine and I would re-evaluate in the morning.

    I could be mad as a snake one minute and then I hear my mom in my head saying "is this going to matter tomorrow?  Is this going to matter in a week...a month..a year"?  Its how you choose your battles in the beginning that will determine the outcome

     

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:e0300a68-5e91-40f4-b17f-7caedb2dbe26">Re: am I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]He should have helped you, but being passive agressive about it only exacerbated the situation. You were both wrong. You need to communicate your expectations. Then if he doesn't meet them, you can be mad. You can't expect him to all of a sudden do something he's never done before and get all pissy when he doesn't read your mind. Communicate!
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    This = smartest thing I've ever heard!
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    "You wore a tit dress at an AIDS party??? You need to go to the whore corner with Mara " - Blue
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:62f8f445-b22c-4178-b951-265c2b6c7daa">Re: am I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sherr, I just looked at your bio for the first time and I really want to go to your wedding. Also, I love your dresses. 
    Posted by aprilbride410[/QUOTE]


    COME!! I would die of happiness :)
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    "You wore a tit dress at an AIDS party??? You need to go to the whore corner with Mara " - Blue
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:82742b11-b5d2-4c46-9d7f-f4348ab50820">Re: am I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]I totally get where you are coming from, but have to agree about communicating expectations.  It took me awhile to realize that I needed to be very direct with my husband about what I expected/wanted.  His favorite line is, <strong>"explain it to me like I am a four year old."</strong>  It doesn't mean that he isn't thoughtful and kind but he also isn't in my brain and sometimes looks at a situation in a totally different light.  Now go get that wine if you haven't already! :)
    Posted by Maggie214624[/QUOTE]

    heehee I snorted a little
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    "You wore a tit dress at an AIDS party??? You need to go to the whore corner with Mara " - Blue
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-being-whiney-bch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c46cf7d-5d07-4367-8ec4-47ed51761ea7Post:14aef57a-2c09-431e-9404-d0fc51ab4f68">Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch??</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm I being a whiney b!+ch?? : This. My H always offers to carry stuff for me.  Says it hurts his "man card" standing if he lets a woman do all the work while he stands idle.
    Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

    <div>This reminds me of a time with my DH a few years ago. He is a huge horror and Halloween fan. We went to Universal Studios and he saw this 1/4 scale Jason figure (Friday the 13th) that he really wanted. It was close to his birthday so I bought it for him. It came in this enormous box and it was really heavy. We had to carry it all the way across the park and we were parked a million miles away. It was July, in Florida, so it was super hot. I could tell he was starting to struggle so I offered to carry it for a little while to give his arms a break. Of course no one knew he had carried it the majority of the way and people looked at him like he was the biggest douche on earth. After a couple minutes he took it back and carried it the rest of the way himself. I think it's funny and still joke about it and he gets all defensive, like I don't know the truth.  </div>
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