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So tired of hearing this.


Re: So tired of hearing this.

  • BlueGreys:  you said "we will have been engaged for 13 months when we get married, and all i keep hearing is "you must not really love him" or "you must not be sure" in regards to our "long" engagement".

    I know EXACTLY what you're talking about.  My fiancee and I have been engaged for almost 14 months now, so when we tell people we're having the wedding in May 2011, the standard response is normally "Why wait so long?"  Well, it's because I just graduated with my bachelor's degree, currently working on my masters, and so we wanted to allow time for me to finish that up before we got married, otherwise we'd have to worry about me finishing school AND doing the wedding planning.  Plus, everything doesn't have to be a huge rush.  Some people marry in a matter of months, and others (like myself) prefer having the extra time to plan things and make sure they're perfect for that big day.  :-)
  • I haven't gotten that (yet), but if I ever did my response would be something like "You're just jealous that I have something so wonderful with this man, and it's something you'll never have....so STFU!"  LOL  (I'm not afraid to be blunt with people....if they take it the wrong way, oh well.  That's their problem....I've got bigger fish to fry.)
  • There are always feelings behind comments. They are probably very jealous and don't know how to communicate in a positive way. Sorry it's hurting your feelings.
  • I completely agree, it's RUDE and annoying. I had one guy whom I've NEVER met on a business call ask me to dump my fiance and take him on vacation instead... he told me "I'd never get married again, I was married for 18 years... it was horrible." Like really? You're an idiot and I don't even know you so please don't have that conversation with me.  My fiance always get's the "NO WAY! YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!?" as if it's so outrageous that any woman could tie him down.  But, I just smile and bite my tongue... then when they finally say congratulations to him I smile and say, "Don't congratulate him, I did all the work," and I wink and walk away.
  • I'm in the same boat. I haven't heard it as much now but people are always saying "are you sure you want to do this," "everything changes once you sign the papers," don't do it" and usually I know these people say this because they obviously feel they made a mistake or they are unhappy but just bc that is what happened to them doesn't mean that is my situation. I am a mature adult and I know that I am ready and I can't think of a more perfect person for me than my fiance. He is amazing and we talk about our future all the time and in addition we are strong in our faith and go to church so I know we will be fine. Maybe some of those people making comments should think of maybe having a little more faith and working on themselves and their marriage before judging others.
  • I only get that from my mother, but I take it that no man is good enough for me. The other side is that I get "really? hmm... you don't seem the marrying type."  What the hell does THAT mean? I know I'm independent, but that was a little rude...

    Funny, I have the opposite problem: I have people FREAK OUT that I'm engaged and I get ceaseless "CONGRATULATIONS!!", "YEEEEE! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!", "oh my GOD! You're getting MARRIED! OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!", "When's the DATE?!?!?!", "This is SO EXCITING!!" and I'm like, jeez, it sounds like *you're* getting married. It kind of unnerves me that others are seemingly more excited than I am -- single, married, and divorced. It's all they ask me about, it's all they gossip about, they want to know my ideas, color scheme, if I have SHOES picked out.... Ok, if I didn't want to marry him, I'd have said "no". However, I'm not all OMG, This is AWESOME, nor does it take over my life. We're getting married in November, but I had everything planned and contracts signed within two months of the engagement (in February). This was not something I enjoyed planning, but I got it DONE. OCD helped a little. I don't procrastinate. Everyone's like, "Oh, I took ten months to plan everything out!" and my reaction is...... really? What was so difficult? I researched the hell out of companies until I was sure of what I liked, and then I called them. Seemed simple to me.
  • OH, and the worst one I've had by far came from my own cousin who said "Oh, you're not getting married until next year? That's a long engagement, if you can make it through that then maybe you have a chance at making it." and I responded with, "Of course we'll make it, we wouldn't be getting married if we didn't think we would." and he said "Yea well, statistics say you probably wont." and I just looked at him and said "That's not funny Larry, and my marriage will work, thank you." .... this coming from a 45 year old man that has never even had a public girlfriend let alone a prospect for a wife.  Sad, I almost told him not to come to the wedding if he felt that way.
  • edited April 2010
    I've never taken any of those comments seriously.  They're just kidding.  Some people like to kid around.  I don't see why it would bother you, unless you're having some regrets or something, and the remarks just cut too close to the bone.

    Now, I have one friend from grade school, who I only talk to maybe once or twice a year, just go keep in touch.  EVERY SINGLE TIME she talked to me, in the past 10 years, she would ask, "So, are you guys married yet?" and I'd say, "Nope, not yet." and she'd say, "Huh, are you ever GOING to? I  mena, you basically are anyway."  NO, we are not.  It seirously got old after the first 4 or 5 years of it.  Seriously.
  • My FI and I got engaged in November and are getting married 9 months later. I can't tell you how many people have asked "is she pregnant"....

    Yeah people, I am going to have my wedding when I am 9 months pregnant... DONT THINK SO. Why can't people just be happy for you and assume you're getting married BECAUSE YOU LOVE EACH OTHER! LOL
  • The worst one I have had to deal with has been my stepfather, everytime I tell him about plans for the wedding he starts to laugh and make cracks about how we are going to end up just going to the court house because we could never afford any of it (the worst was when he did this about the very IDEA of us going on a honeymoon!!!)
  • Oh HELL no, he didn't....
  • I work at a country at a Country Club, and more often than not, I hear "why would you want to do something stupd like that" about as frequently as "Congratulations!"  It only makes me want to work harder on our upcoming marriage. 

    Also, we got engaged in Oct. 2009 and are getting married in May 2011.  Why do so many people think negatively about long engagements?!  FI graduates college this May (he's 27), his brother's getting married this summer, and I refuse to get married during football season/Christmas.  Then, I will still be in college during the school year (i'm 24)!  I don't understand why brides think that they will absolutely implode if they don't get married within a few months of the engagement! Unless, they still live with their parents ;)
  • we took my mom and dad to dinner to tell them.  my mom asked "WHY?!" when we told her, my dad didn't say anything.  not once did we hear congratulations, good for you, or likewise.  just "WHY??"  nice, eh.  thats the way it goes.  we are happy with our lives and know that the people making these comments aren't.  so we just let it go.  i've learned who i can talk about the wedding with and who not to mention it to.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I hate this too- but did you notice who says this to you? It seems to be for me people that should have never gotten married in the first place- and everyone knows it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I hate the whole "Why are you getting married?"  Seriously?!?! Who has an answer for this question.  "Because, we want to and we're ready for it."  Is there really any other answer?  "So he can get onto my health insurance?"  Rude!

    I also hate how all the ball and chain jokes are directed at him like I'm some beya forcing him to marry me.  Uh, he proposed 100% on his own free will without any hints from me.  I was actually surprised he did it bc we weren't at some "stage of life" and no one had been pushing. 

    FINALLY, I hate how all couple questions get turned to me.  His brother:"Can you go hunting this weekend?"  Him: "Let me ask Chloe."  Me:"You RSVPed to your cousin's wedding which is this weekend."

    Why do I have to be the witch? Grr!  Ok, venting done.
  • Most of my friends and family were very happy for me and I do get a lot of congratulations and I am so happy for you but I get a lot of so when are you going to have kids???  Seriously, people marriage does not always equate to having children!!!  We don't want any!!!!  If I wanted a child I would have had one by now since I am 37 years old!!!!!  Also my mom who absolutely adores my FH and was genuinely happy for us told me that if it were her she would never get married!!!  Nice huh?  She is still married to my father!!!  I do understand where she is coming from because my father is an incredibly difficult man to deal with and she is seriously a saint but please don't say that to your only child lol.  I have waited so long to go to school, have a career, and meet the right person for me.  Let me enjoy it!!!  Oh and btw taking the time to plan a wedding if you choose to is wise.  I do not understand why people want others to have a 3 mth engagement! lol  We were engaged January 09 and will be getting married Aug '10.  If there is real lasting love there it doesnt matter how long the engagement is for!!

  • FI and I have had a long engagement (a year and a half) and are finally getting into the home stretch (9 weeks tomorrow!) - and all of the sudden, this is happening. A year ago, when we said we were engaged, people congratulated us and asked when the big day is, which is very nice, but I started to get tired of it about a year in. I'd say "It's in June, which is about time, we've been engaged over a year!" and that's when the snarky comments come out. I said to friends (single friends) just the other day "We're under 10 weeks now!" - joking about the intensity of planning a long distance wedding and having to rely on my mother for everything - and they promptly turned to him and said "you ready for this?" "last chance to run!" Does our impending nuptials make them uncomfortable in their single status? I don't know, but apparently it's the event itself that triggers this, we had no problems at all even a few months ago.
  • Definitely annoying! FI is in the Air Force, so he gets it all. the. time from bitter older men whose wives have taken off. I know it's harder to have a marriage in the military, but it's certainly not impossible! And that doesn't make it ok to suggest "never getting married" to an engaged guy. Not nice! It stereotypes us into thieving, cheating wives just trying to take advantage of the paycheck. (And let me tell you, if I was marrying for money, the miltary is the last place I would look!) ;) *sigh* But it only makes me more determined to prove them wrong!
  • Yes, I am tired of those comments too! I waited until I was 29 to get married so I am really excited about it. Its not about being "tied down" its about starting a new and exciting chapter in your life! I have already traveled the world, lived abroad, had 2 careers, finished grad school, etc. so I am really excited to get married and start a family and to have someone there when I get home from work everyday!
  • Bitter people, its either jealousy or envy. Either way stay positive because you're the lucky duck in love and about to marry your best friend ;) I know I am! Next time say "Aw sorry things didn't work out for you and you seem to be drowning in a pool of negativity, but I am excited and don't care to have comments like that bring me down" CHEERS
  • You can always come back with..

     "A simple 'congratulations' would have done just fine...but...yeah I guess that'll work too...thanks."

    Sarcasm always shuts up the dummies with negative comments.

    Anywho...since you don't hear it often enough...

  • I just tell these stupid, rude, miserable people the same thing I say to my fiance when he makes a dumb joke, and that is that he's had 10 years (yes, 10 years!!!) to get out if he wanted to...

    just do your best to ignore them...don't let them ruin your day.
  • I have had a lot of this before. But the worst came from my FI's best friend. He told him that my FI was settling for me and he really needed to think about what he was doing before it was too late. Ya know just cuz some guys like him aren't happy with their lives (even though he got a great caring girl he may not deserve) doesn't mean they have to go and attempt to ruin others lives Yell
  • ohkkingohkking member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    I'm 22, so I always get some kind of look when people find out.  It's actually the same look old guys give me when they find out I'm an engineer.  It's like it's blaphsemy to them!  Sorry, I found my guy,we've been together 3 years, i have no doubts, since when do you have anything to do with it????????

    I don't actually care about the trapped forever cracks so much, especially compared to the you're too young you have no idea what the world is like bs
  • jasalon8jasalon8 member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    We are getting married on September 11th this year. I'm so sick of hearing people say the same thing when they ask when I'm getting married. Why would you choose such a horrible day, is the most popular response. If you had to choose a day where nothing bad happened, you wouldn't have many to choose from. At our engagement party, one of my bridesmaids on again-off again boyfriend's gift to us was advice on why we shouldn't get married. Seriously?? I can't believe how rude people can be! And it's people I really don't know that well or even at all. Keep your comments to yourself!
  • I understand and I'm right there with you. I have had people tell FI that right in front of me! How rude! However, I do understand that for a lot of people, close friends in particular, its sort of like saying "break a leg" before going onstage. Hardly anyone REALLY means it. I think it would be totally proper and perfectly acceptable for you to tell people that you are offended if it really bothers you. It isn't their place to question your judgment in partner or your ability to choose for yourself anything to do with that relationship.
  • I agree - if i didn't want to get married i wouldn't!! people are ridiculous and miserable with their own lives! - i also get a lot of "wait til you start fighting about X Y Z"  Thanks - i know we'll argue once in a while but i really don't need your pesimistic attitudes about it
  • When I told my family that I was engaged. The first question out there mouths were "Are you pregnant?" Apparently that seems to be a requirement for getting married. I'm so tired of saying no I'm not pregnant, I'm getting married!
  • I'm surprised that you've heard this so much! My fiance and I are only 20 and we get mostly "That's so cool!" and "Congratulations!" We've only had a few people say anything negative.
  • AGREE COMPLETLEY! My Fiance's co-workers make these jokes and I am at the breaking point.  Seriously the next one that comes my way.....they are going to get an earful.
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