I'm a bad sister.

NuggetBrain

So my brother ruined his car this weekend (the engine blew because he's a moron who never changes the oil so of course it was bone dry and a rod blew).  So he has to buy a new one.  My mom is going out of town this week and called me to leave a message on my phone that my brother, who is still living with her as of now, is apparently crying on and off all weekend and today and she wants me to call him everyday and check in on him to make sure he's okay.  I could understand if this car was his baby, or he put a lot of money in it, or it was brand new, or something.  But seriously, no.  It's just my grandma's old car.  Because he ruined my mom's old car that she gave to him.  And crashed the other two cars he had, one that my mom bought and one that my grandparents bought.  She thinks he's going through some serious depression again and whatnot.

I have no desire to check in on him.  Seriously.  He goes through this every time something "bad" like this happens, because he's so damn coddled that he has no idea how to deal with the bad things in life without having a minor breakdown. I'm at the point where if he's that depressed then he needs to go to see a therapist and either get on some pills or do some talk therapy or something.  But he hasn't set up an appointment yet, because my mom sets up his medical appointments for him.  HE'S 27 YEARS OLD ALREADY.  GROW UP.

cheeseandrice

Ohmygoodness, Nuggs. I'm not sure how you have enough patience to deal with your brother. I'm assuming this is the same brother we've heard other stories about in the past?

Shiit. I killed a car when I was in HS, because it leaked so much damn oil. (I had to add a quart of oil every time I added gas.)  I was a 16 year-old girl stranded on the side of the highway, and I didn't even cry.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-a-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4ca70b79-c3ab-45af-bdbd-cd484d8a47e9Post:4e52c0aa-f06e-4f2d-a96a-502bc382b682">Re: I'm a bad sister.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ohmygoodness, Nuggs. I'm not sure how you have enough patience to deal with your brother. I'm assuming this is the same brother we've heard other stories about in the past? Shiit. I killed a car when I was in HS, because it leaked so much damn oil. (I had to add a quart of oil every time I added gas.)  I was a 16 year-old girl stranded on the side of the highway, and I didn't even cry.
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

Yep, same brother.  I wanted to tell my mom if she was that worried about him harming himself, then maybe she should postpone or cancel her trip to go see her boyfriend and take him to an inpatient hospital or something. 

[Deleted User]

Geez, 27 and can't make his own appointments? Cries over a car? Sounds like he needs to man up an do something with his life. I say that if your mom is that worried, then she can check in. It shouldn't be your job to babysit your perfectly-able 27 year-old brother.

NuggetBrain

I've gone through depression myself and I'm not trying to make light of it, but I don't know how much of this is genuine depression and how much is him being unable to deal with basic life issues because of the way my mom raised him.  Both of them are reasons that he needs to go see somebody, but I'm too old to be co-parenting my brother because he can't handle sh*t.

cheeseandrice

... he's not planning on still living in the house after you guys buy it, is he?

Girlie1030

My sister is similar to your brother it sounds like (just add 12 years) - zero accountability and anything bad that happens is unbearable and always someone else's fault.  I maintain contact only because of my nieces so I guess I'm a bad sister too.  At some point though, you just have to say "enough" and not get sucked into it too. 

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-a-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4ca70b79-c3ab-45af-bdbd-cd484d8a47e9Post:b44308e3-d126-49c0-b9ee-5ff96a8d10c3">Re: I'm a bad sister.</a>:
[QUOTE]... he's not planning on still living in the house after you guys buy it, is he?
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

No, he moved with my mom into her townhouse.  I really feel like part of the reason he's still so "delicate" is that he's never had to be out on his own, except for college which doesn't count because he went to school in state and if he couldn't have afforded to stay with roommates he could have moved home.  I think it's time for my mom to tell him he needs to GTFO and become a grown up.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-a-bad-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4ca70b79-c3ab-45af-bdbd-cd484d8a47e9Post:403754cf-0cd9-4070-9e80-7afcb2299250">Re: I'm a bad sister.</a>:
[QUOTE]I've gone through depression myself and I'm not trying to make light of it, but I don't know how much of this is genuine depression and how much is him being unable to deal with basic life issues because of the way my mom raised him.  Both of them are reasons that he needs to go see somebody, but<strong> I'm too old to be co-parenting my brother because he can't handle sh*t.</strong>
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

This.  She shouldn't be asking you to do something that she has still made her job (babying her son).  You should check on him because you want to catch up/see how he's doing.. not because she's asking you to play mommy for a week.  It's ridiculous.  He needs to learn how to be a big boy and take responsibility for himself.

chelseamb11

And honestly, you're not a bad sister for not babying him.  You're actually being a good sister.  A better sister than your mom is being as a mother. Because you love him enough to know that what's best for him is not feeding in to him being a mooch/whiner.

Megbo2012

You aren't a bad sister.  You just don't want to continually reward bad behavior. If he is used to getting attention like this, it's not going to stop unless he doesn't get the positive reinforcement he's been getting.  This obviously happens way too often, and you have your own responsibilities to be worrying about.  

musicalsunlight

When my car died in the middle of campus my senior year of college, I admit that I cried a little. But more because I loved that dang car and it gave no indication that it was gonna kill itself on me. Plus I took normal care of it. But then after like 3 min of stress crying, I went on with life and searched for a new car. That sucks your bro can't do anything for himself.

heroeswearbrown

I know what that's like. Big Time. My sister is 26. She is still in school finishing her Bachelor's, she's been in and out of mental hospitals for years, and she just doesn't know how to handle life. I feel the same as you at times. My oldest sister and I get along great because she and I are likeminded and mature. Mom keeps insisting that we need to include mid sis because she feels left out. It's been a source of tension in our house for years. Quite literally years.

It's hard to handle because while it's not your responsibility to baby your brother the way your mom has, it's also not your responsibility to correct his behavior. It's a really sticky catch 22. Honestly, it falls into the realm of "is it worth the battle?" I know that with my mom and sister, it just isn't worth the fight anymore. I do as my mom says and coddle my sister because at this point, I won't change her. To be honest, my mom won't change her, and she won't change herself because she sees no issue.

My thought is why fight what you can't change. It's a defeatist attitude towards it, but I'd rather accept that she will probably never be a fully functioning adult and move on with my life and let my mother fight the battle she's created. At least that's my philosophy about it, FWIW.

In short, no, you're not a bad sister.