I'm not going to bring this up again

JenGin74

I don't think I've ever gone into great depth about this with you guys because I hate being a whiner,but today was shiit and I need to get it out.

I got my period this morning. I was fine while I was getting ready for work, but halfway through my commute I just lost it and cried the rest of the way there. Although I was in a really foul mood, I managed to keep it together at the office, but as soon as I got home and saw Tim standing there I lost it again when I had to tell him.

During my lunch break I filled what will be my last Clomid prescription. Apparently, prolonged use of Clomid can lead to cervical cancer so my doctor said this will be the last month that I can take it. I'm officially in panic mode.

I don't talk about any of this with my girlfriends because they look at me with pity and I can't stand to see that look. I also try my hardest to keep it together as much as possible with Tim because I know he feels like he's somehow failed me (although medically it's all me).

Today was just particularly rough because this will be my last try with the Clomid before my doctor does a re-evaluation.

Thanks for reading what turned out to be a novel and for listening to my emotional crap. You guys really are the best.

jamiefour

I am sorry Jen...I hope it all works out for you and feel free to vent any time!

[Deleted User]

You can vent anytime you want, you deserve it. And I'm sorry that you're going through this. Although I don't really know that desire to have children, I do feel for poeople who want to be parents and it's just so unfair when they struggle. I'll be sending lots of happy thoughts your way, along with katie's patented toe touch of affection.

katiewhompus

Oh Jen (huge hugs). I'm so sorry the clomid isn't working right away. I will pray for you extra hard next month and hopefully everything will fall into place. Is adoption an option or trying again after giving your body some time to rest? Did the doctor offer anymore options?

If you ever need to vent feel free. I've spent many a period crying in the bathroom.

rhodesign

((hugs))

That's tough. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say.
On the re-eval you get to learn about other options, right?

JenGin74

Shiit. I'm crying again.

The doctor mentioned the next step will be injectable drugs. If that doesn't work we move on to insemination and if that doesn't work IVF is the final step we can take.

My insurance doesn't cover any of this and we'll probably only be able to afford one round of IVF if it comes to that.

chirpchirp

I'm sorry Jen.  Having trouble conceiving is a worry of mine for when the time comes.  Best wishes for you and H.

JenGin74

Also, I don't want to be a whiner, so I'm not going to bring this up again unless I have good news to share with you all. Today just sucked so bad and my emotions were all over the place. Blah. I actually do feel a lot better now. Getting it all out really does help

LedZeppelin

I'm so sorry. I really wish I had some inspiring things to say. I can't even imagine how hard this must be on you. I'm really hoping and praying that your medication will work this time and you will get the beautiful baby you deserve. So, so many hugs.

kd.joseph

Aw Jen, I'm so sorry. I love you if that helps! And you can vent/cry here any time. I've really been hoping something happens for you and KW. I'll be praying for you.

katiewhompus

Cry as much as you need Jen. We're here for you.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-not-going-bring-this-up-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52e13580-b3b1-4565-bf3a-c49f2998bab9Post:fda19120-2ee3-47c4-a8a0-7c81b8cb5a94">Re: I'm not going to bring this up again</a>:
[QUOTE]Jen you are not being a whiner. Women need support systems when it comes to problems like these and <strong>SB has been my greatest shoulder to lean on</strong>. It will just make it that much better to everyone when the good news finally comes for you.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. You guys are the best. And if you do pity me, at least I can't see it all over your face. I don't want to be pitied, I just need to get it out sometimes.

LessThanZero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-not-going-bring-this-up-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52e13580-b3b1-4565-bf3a-c49f2998bab9Post:c22d990c-216c-40cb-b439-08a405934058">Re: I'm not going to bring this up again</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, Jen, I'm sorry.  Nothing I can say will make a real difference, but you are in my T&P all the time.  Feel free to vent whenever you need to.
Posted by NatesGirl16[/QUOTE]


Basically, Nates said it for me.

I am sorry Jen. I know this isn't easy for you, but just try to relax and breath and keep your chin up. girl. I don't "pray" but I'm thinking of you. I'e seen this happen to other people, and when they finally sort of let go and calmed down, things happened.  I truly believe this will happen for you.

<3

Chi_Chi

Im so sorry Jen. I know we havent had talked or anything but Ihope things turn around for you. I know it must be frustrating for you and your H. I'll be thinking of you. Katie too! 

staceytaylor0704

Jen, don't feel like a whiner- I don't think you sound whiney at all. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you that the Clomid works so you don't have to try any other options. I wanna see baby tickers on yours, Katie's and Anna's sigs, dang it.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-not-going-bring-this-up-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52e13580-b3b1-4565-bf3a-c49f2998bab9Post:925398f9-2c19-48df-ac04-25aad6a9a878">Re: I'm not going to bring this up again</a>:
[QUOTE]Jen, don't feel like a whiner- I don't think you sound whiney at all. I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you that the Clomid works so you don't have to try any other options. I wanna see baby tickers on yours, Katie's and Anna's sigs, dang it.
Posted by staceytaylor0704[/QUOTE]

it would be awesome if all three of us got KU at the same time. Can you imagine the amount of moodiness on this board?

staceytaylor0704

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-not-going-bring-this-up-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:52e13580-b3b1-4565-bf3a-c49f2998bab9Post:6320411d-6b0f-4fb2-a00e-df0c74fa6c08">Re: I'm not going to bring this up again</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm not going to bring this up again : it would be awesome if all three of us got KU at the same time. Can you imagine the amount of moodiness on this board?
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

Oh gah that WOULD be awesome. We can handle the moodiness :)

dmiller9274

I'm sending you ehugs, and keeping you in my prayers.  I can't imagine how hard this must be, but like everyone else has already said, vent here whenever you need to.  None of us will complain or pity you, we all feel for you because we love you. Hang in there, you'll have a beautiful baby soon!

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-not-going-bring-this-up-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:52e13580-b3b1-4565-bf3a-c49f2998bab9Post:6320411d-6b0f-4fb2-a00e-df0c74fa6c08">Re: I'm not going to bring this up again</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm not going to bring this up again : it would be awesome if all three of us got KU at the same time. Can you imagine the amount of moodiness on this board?
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

That would be freaking amazing. I don't think the boards could survive the explosion of cuteness if we had them at the same time too.

ohwhynot

Aw, Jen. Goddammit - that sucks.  I'm sorry.  You  can vent publicly or privately, as much you want, any time you want.  Hugs  to you.  

 

ETA:  I don't pity you, because I know you have so many good things going for you and you are living a wonderful life and you and your H are a beautiful, happy family together.  BUT I do feel sad that you're not getting what you want right now.  It's hard to articulate, but . . . there's a difference.  

JenGin74

Thank you all for letting me get this out of my system and for your kind words and encouragement. I'm feeling much better.

I'm going to go to bed now and put this day behind me. Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to keep positive.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-not-going-bring-this-up-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:52e13580-b3b1-4565-bf3a-c49f2998bab9Post:ce8fb708-7c88-47bf-ac8c-e6d19a54afba">Re: I'm not going to bring this up again</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for letting me get this out of my system and for your kind words and encouragement. I'm feeling much better. I'm going to go to bed now and put this day behind me. Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to keep positive.
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>Sounds like a good plan.  I hope tomorrow is much sunnier for you; sweet dreams!</p>

Steph0871

awww Jen, I'm so sorry.  I don't really say this all that often (because I usually don't mean it, so I won't say it.) But you really are in my thoughts and prayers.  You and Katie, and Anna.

ricksang

Awww. I hope you get what you what soon ((hugs))

anna.oskar

Jen,

Nothing I say can truly help.. but I ♥ you. Message me anytime if you need to talk.

JennaV26

You and your hubs are in my T & P Jen. I can't even imagine what you're going through, I'm definitely keeping you in my prayers!!

Blueyed228

Sorry Jen. That's such a hard thing to.deal with. I can't wait for the day you get to come on here telling us you got the news you wanted. I have a feeling it will be sooner than you think!! Stay positive!

marriedfilingjointly

you, Jen. 

SarahPLiz

Jen, I'm late to this, but I'm so sorry. ((HUGS)) and best wishes for you and Tim on your next cycle. Keep hope alive!

allisong23

Jen, keeping my fingers crossed. A friend who has been trying to get pregnant for years just announced that she is 3 months along. They had pretty much given up on any chance of it happening, and it did. Just a few months ago, she was devastated. It WILL happen for you (and for the rest of us who are trying).