I hate to be boring and talk about something WR but..

shaydenise

So our invites went out at the end of August, RSVPs due last Friday.  When FI's aunt and uncle and cousin (separate invite because he's an adult) got their invite aunt immediately called and asked why said cousin's gf was not invited.  A) we didn't know he had a gf.  They live hours away from us and they don't keep in contact with FI or FI family unless they want something so how the F would we know he had a gf??  she has apparently only been his gf for a month MAX.  So we did the whole "sorry but due to budget, space blah blah blah" thing.  Fine. Great. Whatever.  But they still didn't send their RSVP back.

FI just text me and said cousin is now engaged.  Are we now supposed to go back and say it's okay to bring her?  I know this is stupid but I really want to say no just on principle and the fact that they don't even like us and they got engaged after the invites had gone out and we really do not have the space.  Am I just being a betch lol? 

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hate-boring-talk-something-wr-stuff-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5c674119-e3e3-4a6c-8ed1-81cca08145efPost:c420ad96-14e7-484e-b96e-f85823545ff6">Re: I hate to be boring and talk about something WR but..</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah the whole thing is so frustrating ...  I'm trying not to be Judgy McJudgerson but this cousin was engaged to married last year to some other girl and broke it off..
Posted by shaydenise[/QUOTE]

Ew. and Double ew.

I still think you should invite her though. Just do it and get it off your mind and move onto the important stuff ;)

MarriedInAFever

I would invite her as well. I had a shitton of plus-ones. One friend from high school even brought another girlfriend I knew, but was never close with, just to bring someone. And no one was invited with a plus one unless they were in a serious relationship.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Your cousin sounds like he's, well, interesting.

I know it's annoying - but if it were me, this is one instance where I'd just let it go.  One more person?  Okay then.  And it's probably better to just let her come and keep the peace than to not allow her to come and cause drama in the family.

Plus what if it actually works out this time?

LuluP82

I'd wait for them to ask, just bc this stuff annoys me too. Then if you have the space, extend a verbal invite. As in, when you call to ask about their missing RSVP, he'll ask oh can FI come, and if you have the space, sure add her. If not, say I'm sorry, we had no idea you'd be engaged when we made our guest list, and we don't have room. He'll probably decline, but it doesn't sound like you'll care.

One of B's friends actually called him a couple of weeks ago, talked about how he got the invite, and the wedding, etc. Complained about how one of our room blocks was full, and if there was anything we could do to get him in. Etc. etc.

We got his RSVP last weekend. He RSVP'd for two. We knew he'd been sort of dating someone, but just through the grapevine-- he hasn't introduced her to us, or even mentioned her in conversation. So B called him and was like, listen, due to space, we only invited ppl who were married or engaged, let me know if this changes your RSVP.

And he goes, oh so I can't bring my live in GF? And he was like, oh you moved in together, I had no idea, congrats. And he goes, well we're talking about it. B is irritated bc he feels that if the guy had mentioned his GF before, we'd have included her. He left it open (as in, I'll check with Lulu and see where our numbers are, if we can accomodate her we'll let you know). But we're annoyed too.

[Deleted User]

1) Yeah, unfortunately I think you have to invite her. It sucks, but if you don't then you look like the bad guy.

2) I love your sig. And it makes me that much more excited for our January trip to Disney.

shaydenise

I know I should let her come and if they ask yet again we will probably say okay.

It still annoys the crap out of me. 

Lulu, sounds to me like he said that just to get an invite for his gf but who knows maybe I'm just jaded because I'm tired of people's crap lol.

shaydenise

Thanks Seshat!  That was taken during Star Wars weekend this past year.  Gotta love Disney

MISSCOURTNEY20

I would just invite her and move on. There are so many other things to get frustrated about.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If they ask, I'd let him bring her, but honestly, I think that you should use the rule of "when the invitations go out." I mean, I guess technically she should have been invited because she was dating the cousin, but being such a new relationship, I wouldn't say you were totally wrong, there. Personally, I probably would have let him bring her when I found out they were dating, but I also invited everyone who was single to bring a guest.

missy68

Shay, then you were there when I was there.

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hate-boring-talk-something-wr-stuff-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5c674119-e3e3-4a6c-8ed1-81cca08145efPost:5d198a89-fcf1-4ce3-8a82-b48a87c69532">Re: I hate to be boring and talk about something WR but..</a>:
[QUOTE]I know I should let her come and if they ask yet again we will probably say okay. It still annoys the crap out of me.  Lulu, sounds to me like he said that just to get an invite for his gf but who knows maybe I'm just jaded because I'm tired of people's crap lol.
Posted by shaydenise[/QUOTE]

Haha yea. At this point, I just want to let her come, bc honestly, we do have the space since some family who were definite yesses couldn't get visas in time and aren't coming (you can see from my siggie that we got lots of nos. We have lots outstanding, but I'd say 60% of those are my dad's freinds who I can't imagine travelling to attend my wedding but who he insisted on inviting, and since he's paying....) But B is really annoyed at how the friend handled it, and so wants to stand firm on the no.

Starmusica

ah yea this is one u can't avoid. fiances are a must.

during the course of the two months leading up to our wedding.. one of our groomsmen went from having a gf but not wanting a plus one.. to wanting one after the invites went out.. to breaking up with her... to dating someone else and getting engaged like 3 weeks before ours to a girl he'd dated for like 2 weeks. Guess what... 2 weeker came. it was nutty but we just said whatever... in the WP and family- I think s/o tend to be a must invite

elizp267

Isn't it ettiquette for all adults that are invited to have "and guest" on their invites or no?

I only say this because my cousin got married 1.5 years ago and she sent one invitation to my mom's house inviting just Mom, Dad, Me, and Sister. Problem with that was A) I was 26 years old at the time  in a relationship for one year and C) I don't live with my parents, in fact I live in an entirely different city. Also my sister was engaged at the time. Neither of us went. And this cousin is my age.

Your situation is not like this, as cousin may live at home? And I don't know his age (late teens or early 20s/still in college?). But I think if you are an adult you should get a +1 on an invitation in the first place, even if you're not in a serious relationship.

ETA: The late RSVP sucks. But don't be suprised when you get a "yes" back and the person doesn't show up. This happened at my sis's wedding. She had about 20 guest RSVP yes and did not come (not that many for a 400 guest wedding, but still).

shaydenise

No it isn't proper etiquette to give everyone a plus one.  It is proper etiquette to invite both parties of a long term relationship, married people, engaged couples and live-in couples. 

This cousin was in a relationship for only a month, which we didn't know about, so none of that applied at the time invites went out.  He now however is engaged so that is where the issue comes in.

I have a feeling if we say no again he won't come but if they ask again we'll probably say yes since they are now engaged.

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_hate-boring-talk-something-wr-stuff-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5c674119-e3e3-4a6c-8ed1-81cca08145efPost:b7cfebef-1761-451c-93a5-f81807b35059">Re: I hate to be boring and talk about something WR but..</a>:
[QUOTE]Isn't it ettiquette for all adults that are invited to have "and guest" on their invites or no? I only say this because my cousin got married 1.5 years ago and she sent one invitation to my mom's house inviting just Mom, Dad, Me, and Sister. Problem with that was A) I was 26 years old at the time B) in a relationship for one year and C) I don't live with my parents, in fact I live in an entirely different city. Also my sister was engaged at the time. Neither of us went. And this cousin is my age. Your situation is not like this, as cousin may live at home? And I don't know his age (late teens or early 20s/still in college?). But I think if you are an adult you should get a +1 on an invitation in the first place, even if you're not in a serious relationship. ETA: The late RSVP sucks. But don't be suprised when you get a "yes" back and the person doesn't show up. This happened at my sis's wedding. She had about 20 guest RSVP yes and did not come (not that many for a 400 guest wedding, but still).
Posted by elizp267[/QUOTE]

I think ideally people should extend a plus one, but it's not necessary for single guests who know other ppl at the wedding.

In our case, it was a space limit. We extended plus ones to all of those who were married, engaged, living together (to our knowledge at the time invites went out) or in serious enough relationships that we knew about (I have a couple of friends who don't live together but have been with their BFs for over a year, I've met them, etc.) We also extended plus ones to anyone who was going to know noone but the two of us at the wedding. For straight up single guests, we just didn't have the room, so we didn't extend a plus one. This was mainly our college and hs friends, who have other ppl the know and love to hang out with.

What you described is rude. Yes, you shouldve gotten your own invite and gotten to bring your BF and your sis, her FI. But, I think it's unreasonable to expect the B&G to guess that you're dating someone and RSVP for 2, without even calling and asking first.

kpwedkk

I agree with previous posters as well - just invite her... You don't have to spend any time with her at your wedding / reception if you think it'll be awkward silenced moments.