Red flags

katiewhompus

What are some red flags of your past that you failed to see?

My ex thought it was more important to finish an MC raid (WoW thing) than drive me to the hospital when my dad ran his hand through the table saw (my car was broken).

A different ex would rather spend Valentine's Day with his mom than me, we'd been dating more than 1 year.

number55

um, my ex turned out to have major (I mean major) mental health issues. There were some red flags that I chose to ignore. 

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_red-flags?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d1bdfe8-31f8-4888-be6e-3f4118764523Post:54153895-a8bb-4577-b909-2c1a0206c9f4">Re: Red flags</a>:
[QUOTE]-that Final Fantasy 7 was more important than driving me to the hospital to see my niece born -that he couldn't stop telling me how he'd die if I ever left him -<strong>he would quit a job because "they don't recognize my potential" but never had a backup plan</strong>. all separate ex boyfriends
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

Tell me if this makes sense "I'm quitting my job at the CIA because it doesn't pay me enough", then he proceeds to not have a job for 6 months, at which point I tell him he has 1 month to get ANY job or he's walking, at which point he gets a job making $7/hour.

Anysunrise

These are all from the same ex, lol.

-Didn't want to kiss me after picking me up at the bus station because I didn't look goth enough and thus embarrassed him.

-Implying that he'd break up with me if I didn't buy a whole new wardrobe and dye my hair black.

-Basically calling me a money-grubbing wh*re after I picked out something he didn't like when he took me shopping for my birthday, and then walking 5 feet in front of me when I started crying.

-If we weren't having sex or going out every second I visited him, he'd start talking about breaking up.

-He only came to see me twice in two years, and I was there every month or so.

-When we did break up, he'd tell me he still loved me, only until I visited and had sex with him. Then the only way he'd date me again is if I'd let him have sex with other women while I wasn't there. I naturally, wasn't allowed to do the same with other guys though. That was pretty much the end of it.

To name a few.

mocha beans

The one ex refused to give me the number to his dorm room in college, or any way of getting a hold of him for that matter at college.  Turned out he didn't got to the college he said he did, and was lying about his entire life.

But that's about all I've got, not much for exes.

Anysunrise

Also Katie, you would start this thread right after my pet peeves one =P

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_red-flags?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d1bdfe8-31f8-4888-be6e-3f4118764523Post:9fce3cfd-a4d1-4fc2-acff-8e6a58c68332">Re: Red flags</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Red flags : Tell me if this makes sense "I'm quitting my job at the CIA because it doesn't pay me enough", then he proceeds to not have a job for 6 months, at which point I tell him he has 1 month to get ANY job or he's walking, at which point he gets a job making $7/hour.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]  I

Did we have the same ex? James?  He quit the postal service, manager of a hotel, and bar manager positions.  I think he's currently a line cook at a chain restaurant.

SarahPLiz

My ex was married. He complained that I wasn't making as much money as I could, but I was supporting him. He and his supposedly estranged wife had a baby and I didn't know until she was 9 months old. He didn't have an education. He couldn't navigate Ebay on his own. There were soooo many more. At the time, i was just happy someone found me attractive, and didn't care that he was subliminally making me hate myself. 

avsfan33

My ex in high school was infuriated that I went out with a friend to our basketball court and went for pizza after. I wasn't home for his "regulated" 9 pm wednesday night phone call.

I wasn't allowed to go drinking with my friends. He didn't trust me. Even though, outside of school, I hung out with girls.

He lived out of town (we went to the same high school) and during the summer I worked 5 days a week, sometimes more. I managed to go visit him once but there was no way in hell he'd come visit me.

Beginning of grade 12 I was working my assss off keeping my grades high enough to get into University, he'd get pissed off if I didn't spend all my time with him.

Toward the end he "chose" what school I was going to attend. When I didn't choose that one, he had a huge hissy fit. So his solution was, the next year he'd apply to the "chosen" school that he wanted and I would have to drive to my school.

I talked to him briefly after we broke up, he went from wanting to go to the one school, to wanting to go to the school I was attending, found out I was transferring and now goes to the school I go to. He glares at FI every time he sees him.

cupcakesfrosting

The fact that I wasn't allowed to eat in front of his friends.

I couldn't sit next to him if we were around other people. This ultimately ended meaning that I was to sit on the floor if we were watching a movie at his place, while everyone else sat on the bed, couch, etc.

When I said I didn't want a hickey (at least not where anyone could see) he threw me up against a wall in the quad, physically held me there, and gave me a hickey right where my "Adam's Apple" would be, were I a man.

When he didn't call me after taking my virginity on my 18th birthday.

When he would celebrate my friends birthday (same as mine), but refused to even acknowledge mine.

amber2123

That if I took off my outer shirt in front of other guys(army ACUs) then I was having sex with them.  That because I was a female who worked in a mechanical field, I was a slut.  That punching the wall was a precursor to punching other things.  That I was only allowed to eat when he said so.  I had a psycho ex who Sugar saved me from.

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_red-flags?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d1bdfe8-31f8-4888-be6e-3f4118764523Post:c815785e-167b-4772-9169-e9b05eb44f11">Re: Red flags</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Red flags :   I Did we have the same ex? James?  He quit the postal service, manager of a hotel, and bar manager positions.  I think he's currently a line cook at a chain restaurant.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

Mine was a Joe, but close enough.

Random tangent/funny story. My college roomie and I are twins with dating. When we were in college we were both dating overweight ugos named Joe who were deadbeat bums. We broke up with them at the exact same time. I lost contact with her for a few months. I start dating Scott, she starts dating an Asian named Mike. They are now discussing marriage once some debt is paid off.

SarahPLiz

Oh, same ex forbid me from conversing with anyone he didn't know, not even small talk with people in the gym. 

If I didn't answer my phone when he called, I had major 'splaining to do. 

He gave me an incurable STD, and then told me that I had given it to HIM, even though I hadn't been with anyone else in 3 years. Come to find out he got it from his wife, knew he had it, and didn't tell me. He also gave it to his next girlfriend. 

He claimed he never masturbated. Ever. And never had. Weirdo!

september's bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_red-flags?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d1bdfe8-31f8-4888-be6e-3f4118764523Post:69577615-04d5-4df1-af72-f85ea301e939">Re: Red flags</a>:
[QUOTE] Drinking 6 pints at a bar every day after work isn't normal.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

Yeah, this for me too. Last time I saw him, he drank a giant bottle of red wine plus about 10 beers all by himself and was acting absolutely sober. He wanted to drive home, and didn't stagger to the car. I took away his keys, but was most concerned about the fact that he wasn't on his ass after drinking so much. It made me wonder how much and how often he was drinking to have such a high tolerance.

avsfan33

Oh, his friend started dating this huuuge whore who had sex with him in this bathroom that nobody ever used. Dbag had said before that he was "saving himself" and after his friend got laid before him he got outright angry that I wouldn't have sex with him in a dirty school bathroom.

I think a big red flag was I hated talking to him or being around him. It took me months to break up with him. When I did he said "no, we're taking a break instead" So I said go ahead, you'll be disappointed at the end of the week."

He would also talk to this girl online and biitch about me. He also watched her dress up in weird outfits (like Pikachu?) and dance around in front of a webcam.

I question why I stayed with him for almost a year...

brookelynpaisley

Man, we dated some royal a-holes.

A different ex (who also ended up being an alcoholic) would throw out food I made if it wasn't good enough. If I got upset, he'd mock me and video-tape me. Carrying an unauthorized handgun was also probably a big red flag. He was a wheel chair-bound paraplegic, and when we broke up I got a 2nd floor apartment (no elevator). This was somehow a slap in the face to him. God, I'm glad I wised up.

pirategal03

- When he failed out of college because "the professors are sexist".  It couldn't have had anything to do with him spending 16 hours a day playing video games and never completing an assignment.

- When his mother started saying "I'll have grandkids within two years!" at our high school graduation and he didn't think it was a problem. 

number55

okay...here is an embarrassing story about my ex:

when we dated I gained a lot of weight, he also cheated on me, for about a year and half of our four year ENGAGEMENT. But whatever...so one day we were crossing a road and I didn't want to cross (MAJOR intersection mind you) because the signal said not to cross...well he proceeded to scream at me: you effing fat lazy cow, just cross the effing road...yeah, and I didn't leave him even then. Man I was stupid (and young and so insecure).  So sad. 

jamiefour

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_red-flags?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d1bdfe8-31f8-4888-be6e-3f4118764523Post:ba126c5c-2a22-4dd3-af65-10ff96d62c99">Re: Red flags</a>:
[QUOTE]um, my ex turned out to have major (I mean major) mental health issues. There were some red flags that I chose to ignore. 
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]
This!

nda_roxybabe

Saying "I kind of like (your BFF)" is not a good sign.

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_red-flags?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d1bdfe8-31f8-4888-be6e-3f4118764523Post:d500859b-7698-4720-ac0c-89443f55cb60">Re: Red flags</a>:
[QUOTE]Saying "I kind of like (your BFF)" is not a good sign.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

<div>./nod</div><div>
</div><div>Except mine just said he wanted to bang her. </div>

neelynicole

Oh lord, I could write a novel on this. I've dated some real pieces of work.

-In college, the ex got so into Everquest that the day of our anniversary, I sat in his room for about 3 hours before he even realized I was there.

-Another, a few times I swore I smelled perfume on my pillow. Not even close to mine. Turned out it was the girlfriend of his 'best friend'.

-Yet another, he gets pulled over one day (with me in the car) and he seemed really nervous for some reason. Next thing I know, the cop is telling us to get out of the car and another officer is searching my purse. They impounded the car and left us on the side of the freeway.

Come to find out, instead of actually paying for car insurance, he 'borrowed' his neighbor's insurance card and used that to make a forged card. So in order to get his car out of impound, I had to put the car and insurance in my name. Since his license was revoked for 6 months, he saw no reason for me to take those things back out of my name. And of course I ended up paying for it all, as well as having to drive his sorry ass around all the time.

-Same guy as the insurance snafu, I was staying at his place for a couple of days one time. He lived in the country and told me that he was going to be making a switch from the city water back to the well while I was there, so the water might be shut off for a short period of time.

Well, I go outside at one point after the water was off, and what do I find? A door hanger from the water company saying that he was 4 months overdue on his bill and that the water would be shut off until he payed something like $550. Luckily, that was one of the straws that broke the camel's back. I left him not long after that.

Geez, I've had some horrible taste in men before lol.

HobokensFury

My ex got his taxes done on Valentine's Day.  No joke.  We'd been dating 4 years and he didn't think I "would mind"

SEWF

When I was dating my first boyfriend, we had a really bad ice storm (like, 'I was 16 and stayed at home by myself for four days because mom and uncles were staying at hotels because they didn't want to drive in it bad'). So I tried to call my boyfriend to talk to to not be bored. He never answered the phone. I must have tried to call 10 times in four days, but nothing. When I finally got a hold of him, he said he had left his phone in the car and hadn't been out to his car.

Come to find out he was at another girls house, cheating on me. Yeah, we broke up quick.

goutesh

Ditching me on New Years Eve and kissing someone else at midnight.  Yeah...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

My ex refused to acknowledge our relationship to other people for quite some time.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

My ex drank a lot.  We were together for six years and four of them were our undergrad college years - we'd party, but he always got upset if I got drunker than he was.  Like, mad at me.  But yet it was okay if he got shitfaced.  When I finally broke up with him he word-vomited to me that he thought he had a drinking problem and was using that as an excuse to get me to stay so I could help him through it.  Eff that.

He used to criticize how I spent my money.  Asked me how much money I spent on things.  Drove me up a fucking wall.

He used to look through my phone and ask me who the people were that I was calling or texting.

Y I Oughta

My Ex-husband told me he "understands why men hit their wives" during a fight. Both of our mothers were abused physically and mentally by men. That was the last red flag I needed. He was moved out by the end of the week

A different ex told me he was was going to kill my daughters hamster his mother bought her, then kill himself on the kitchen floor so she would find him. She was six. I made him leave at 10pm. His mommy had to come pick him up because he had been driving my car after wrecking his. His stuff was on the porch by 8am the next morning. I never saw him again.

marriedfilingjointly

His ex girlfriend had a pregnancy scare.  And she was a minor. 

Y I Oughta

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_red-flags?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5d1bdfe8-31f8-4888-be6e-3f4118764523Post:35b8c854-a0b9-4825-847c-33cc2798eb16">Re: Red flags</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, this thread really drives home how many d-bags there are out there.  That's rather terrifying in terms of total volume!
Posted by slubkin[/QUOTE]

Yes, but the amount of women posting reminds us that there are a lot of great guys out there too because if there weren't, none of us would be here. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />