Donating "raised" money

tonyscutieest09

I was at a wedding a couples weeks ago and the couple had a really unique idea. Instead of kissing when people clinked glasses or rang a bell they set up a bucket and  announced that everytime someone put a dollar in they would kiss and then they planned on giving all the money they raised to the Big Brothers Big Sisters, which the Bride is very involved in, they did the same for the dollar dance.

 I thought this was a neat idea and was just curious to what y'all thought.

ricksang

Stupid. It kind of reminds me of Pavlov's dogs. Sorry

betrothed123

I'm, not a fan.  I don't think the B&G should use their wedding as a platform to raise money for a cause.

MarriedInAFever

Agreed. Lame. Sorry.

tonyscutieest09

I personally wouldn't do it myself either but to me it seemed like they were making the best out of tacky traditons (that are pretty much expected in my area). Like I said neat, but I'd never do it myself.

 I think they (the B&G) could have made a donation in lieu of favors but to each their own.

LesPaul

Not a fan - seems very AWish.  A wedding should not be a fundraiser.  If the B&G choose to donate some of their monetary gifts to a cause they support, it should be done quietly and privately.

ricksang

Also, how would you even keep up with something like this? I know at my wedding I was all over the place and it was really hard to pay attention to one thing.

LoriAH11

I think the concept of it is nice, but the reality of it I don't think works very well. I think when people donate they want to because they are compelled to do so and not just b/c they are in, what could feel like, a pressured situation to donate.

I agree with PP that if a couple wants to do donate to a certain organization they should do it on their own terms, such as having book marks printed for each guest stating that in lieu of favors they have donated to XYZ charity in their guests' names.

LoriAH11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_donating-raised-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:60ec200e-96df-43b4-8fc3-6b6633fc0f2cPost:4809edbd-68b1-43bc-be29-ae137bf5d4e6">Re: Donating "raised" money</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally wouldn't do it myself either but to me it seemed like they were making the best out of tacky traditons (that are pretty much expected in my area). Like I said neat, but I'd never do it myself.  I think they (the B&G) could have made a donation in lieu of favors but to each their own.
Posted by tonyscutieest09[/QUOTE]

I guess you were typing this while I was typing mine. :)

ehathewa

I think dollar dances are tacky... but donating the money is the only way to make it less tacky. 

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_donating-raised-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:60ec200e-96df-43b4-8fc3-6b6633fc0f2cPost:f23873ff-667b-4f6a-81d7-d11e6b5db822">Re: Donating "raised" money</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the concept of it is nice, but the reality of it I don't think works very well. I think when people donate they want to because they are compelled to do so and not just b/c they are in, what could feel like, a pressured situation to donate. I agree with PP that if a couple wants to do donate to a certain organization they should do it on their own terms, such as having book marks printed for each guest stating that in lieu of favors they have donated to XYZ charity in their guests' names.
Posted by LoriAH11[/QUOTE]
You totally missed PP's point.  Printing up bookmarks saying a donation was made in your favor is AWish as well, and announces the donation.  PP said it should be done in private and I totally agree.  There's no need to announce that you donated anything at all.

LesPaul

Donations in lieu of favors isn't always viewed kindly, either.  If you don't want to do favors, fine - but don't push a cause on your guests that they may not want to support.  Privately donate the money you would have spent on favors, but don't announce it as something grand you did on your guests' behalf.

MarriedInAFever

Also, as a guest, I would be annoyed. I came here. I bought you that toaster you registered for and now you want some money for an organization I may or may not support, but feel obligated to donate? What if you already send BB, BS a big fat check every year or don't carry cash with you to weddings? You still look like the jackhole that couldn't spare a dollar for the kids.

LoriAH11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_donating-raised-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:60ec200e-96df-43b4-8fc3-6b6633fc0f2cPost:e6588c0e-926d-4bfd-8c2a-3247f38c7b45">Re: Donating "raised" money</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donating "raised" money : You totally missed PP's point.  Printing up bookmarks saying a donation was made in your favor is AWish as well, and announces the donation.  PP said it should be done in private and I totally agree.  There's no need to announce that you donated anything at all.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

I was simply pointing out that I agreed that I thought that they should do it on their own terms, I made no mention of doing so quietly. I was merely offering up what I viewed as a better alternative (even if just slightly) if a couple felt as if they wanted to make a certain charity part of their day, without asking their guests to fork over their own money.

I agree that I think donations are something that are a private matter. One should donate because you want to and not because you want the recognition.

[Deleted User]

I think the kissing when people clink glasses is completely lame and AWish, so yeah this is lame to me too.

And it's silly to me to think that people want to see them kiss that bad that they are willing to pay for it. Trust me. People don't care.

jemmini6

it's a nice thought, but kind of AW-ish.  if i donate to charity, i do it because i believe in what they are doing, and I don't pressure anyone else to donate.  i also don't make it a big public thing...makes it seem like "hey look at me, i'm donating your money to charity, aren't i special"

i'm sure that's not what your friends were thinking of when they did this, but it can come off that way (particularly when we don't personally know the couple).  nice thought behind it, but i guess poor execution??

526SadieSadie

It's a decent enough idea but NMS.  There's no obligation for anyone to actually put money in the bucket for donation, so if they choose to, they're free to.  I'd only be put out to find the "in lieu of a favor we made a donation to XYZ charity" cards if it were something I was not in support of, otherwise, I don't care it's the couple's choice.

shellydiane820

I think clinking glasses is stupid.  We mostly ignored it.

As for the favors thing, that's even worse.

jennylove810

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_donating-raised-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:60ec200e-96df-43b4-8fc3-6b6633fc0f2cPost:89001a20-2a2e-4225-88c6-32d9b8cdc0ff">Re: Donating "raised" money</a>:
[QUOTE]Not a fan - seems very AWish.  A wedding should not be a fundraiser.  If the B&G choose to donate some of their monetary gifts to a cause they support, it should be done quietly and privately.
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

Key word here being privately, because if I gave a couple some of my hard-earned money and they frickin turned around and gave it away to charity, I'd be so irritated.  I gave it to YOU.  It was a GIFT.  Argh I'm getting all riled up just thinking about it lol

Blueyed228

I would rather you give no favor at all than donate to a charity in my name.

There are alot of very popular charities out there that I do not support and would never give my money to.

To the PP who said donating the money is the only way to not make it tacky: Sorry, but the only way to not make it tacky is to not do it at all.

andy71781

The tax implications of this idea and donations as favors just makes me feel icky.

tonyscutieest09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_donating-raised-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:60ec200e-96df-43b4-8fc3-6b6633fc0f2cPost:0e9c567f-e3e0-471b-90c4-cf6ec4e92945">Re: Donating "raised" money</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok this is silly but what is "AWish"....sorry I just haven't seen that term before :(
Posted by whereyat[/QUOTE]

AW= Attention Whore

AWish= Attention Whoreish

:)

jasmineh7777

I think that the issue is that the bride and groom are assuming that their guests share personal beliefs. Like, what if they were donating the money to PETA or Planned Parenthood? Donations to a charity are private.

tonyscutieest09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_donating-raised-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:60ec200e-96df-43b4-8fc3-6b6633fc0f2cPost:bfda94a1-d84e-4bc7-864b-83e0d318cf76">Re: Donating "raised" money</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Donating "raised" money : Ohhhh.  Thank you!
Posted by whereyat[/QUOTE]


No prob. I think the FAQ's have a short list of common acronyms and what they stand for. :)

ldybug252000

This sounded like at good idea at first, but the more i read everyone's response i sunk lower and lower in my chair at work because its true and makes sense, lol

brhinkle

i 3rd the same here. ha