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Snarky Brides

Am I crazy?

I haven't been on the boards in a while but this just floored me. My FMIL asked my FH what I was doing with my boquet after the wedding. I told him I was drying it and keeping it. He replied that his mom was hoping to take my boquet to put on her parents grave site as it is near where we are getting married. I am the only one that finds this a strage request? My DH saw nothing wrong with it.

Re: Am I crazy?

  • Unusual request but maybe it is her way of  memorializing you FH's grandparents.  If it bothers you you could offer to have a memorial of some sort at the ceremony or reception.
  • I guess that's why I was confuded. We are alreading doing a memorial candle at out ceremony and their names are in the program.I don't mean to sound insesitive.Just didn't want to give away my boquet. (we are not doing the whole boquet toss thing either)
  • I'd just say, "I'm sorry, but I really wanted to keep my bouquet... I only get one wedding bouquet in my life and i'd always intended to preserve it.!"   And leave it at that, not open for discussion.   In fact, he should really be the to break the news to his mother, not you.  There's nothing horribly wrong with what she said if it's a request or suggestion and not a demand.  But, it's YOUR one and only wedding bouquet and HIS mother is talking about putting it on HER parents' grave.  So, demanding that seems a tad presumptuous, unless you had a close relationship with them before they died (esp because you're already acknowledging them in the ceremony). 
  • I don't think it's strange, persay. However, it's up to you with what you want to do with it and I don't think you should feel pressured to give in to FMIL.

    Maybe you could get your florist to bring a few extra roses or something for FMIL to bring to the gravesite that day?

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  • i think it's really strange. why on earth would she think you would agree to that? they aren't even your grandparents.
  • I would think that if they wanted to do something like that, you can offer maybe your FI's boutanire (sp?)
  • Why would you leave a $200 bouquet of flowers on a grave?  I think it's completely normal for you to want to keep your bouquet!  I know some florists offer a free toss bouquet, maybe you could offer that or the flowers from one of the table arrangements instead.
  • That is a little odd. I would let FI answer that you are planning on drying the bouquet to keep forever. Stay out of it.
  • I don't think it is that unusual.  Maybe she figured it you weren't saving it and the flowers were just going to die anyway, that it was a nice tribute to your FI's grandparents and a way to include them in the wedding even though they have passed.  (having the memory candle is nice to, but it is not the same as honoring their gravesite).

    My friends FI's mom died a few weeks before their wedding, so she had an extra bouquet made and took it to the cemetery right before they got married.  She really wanted to do it, and she didn't even tell her FI, she just thought it was a nice thing to do.
  • Thanks for the advice. No I never met my FH grandparents as they passed many years befor I met FH. I like the idea of having a small toss type boquet to give to FH Mom for that purpose. I actually never thought of that and it seems that will make everyone happy.
  • In Response to Am I crazy?:
    [QUOTE] My DH saw nothing wrong with it.
    Posted by FoundMyHappilyEverAfter[/QUOTE]

    If there's one thing most men find less important than flowers, it's dried flowers. 

    Keep in mind that the 'tossing bouquet' is going to be tossed; don't count on getting it back from whoever catches it.  But having another bouquet made, or saving the centerpiece from the head table would probably both make everyone happy.
  • that is weird. dont most brides keep their bouquet? I dont get why they would want you to put it on a gravesite. it does probably  "seem" like a good idea for her but i dont think she or your FH see where your coming from. That you want to keep your bouquet as a symbol of your marriage not someone elses death.
  • that is so odd...i agree with prideeinpynk or FutureMrsJGrave...... make another boquet or leave hubby's boutiner (which makes more sense, they were his grandparents).
  • No you are not crazy!!! That is super strange. It is surprising that she would even suggest that. I say give her the throw away bouquet and be done with it. Wow!!
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
  • Unless its a cultural tradition, that is really weird, and sort of morbid.
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  • I'm sort of with Sarah.  I don't want to be insensitive, but as a PP said, it's a $200 boquet of flowers, and someone's asking you to leave it on a grave?  I give that a big hell no.
  • I'd suggest doing a smaller version and leaving it there or taking out one of the flowers of your bridal bouquet and leaving them.  I guess I dont' really find it that strange, I want to go visit my fiance's grandma's grave and then we are doing out photos there.  It's all about the meaning it has to different people.  I think it's kinda sweet.
  • "If there's one thing most men find less important than flowers, it's dried flowers" - nhelene

    lol, so true!
  • I agree with Sarah that it is super morbid.  And strange.  Unless they are destitute, can they not purchase their own flowers to put on a gravesite?
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  • I gotta say, not sure why but it did creep me out a bit.  Something about taking such a wonderful, happy, new chapter in life moment as a wedding and capping it off by taking a symbol of that wedding and placing it on a grave.  Hmmm.  I agree with the others, give her the little one to toss/grave decorate.
  • It's a strange request, yes.  But I think it's weirder to keep your bouquet after the wedding.  Looks like I'm the minority on that for this thread, though. 
  • I would just get a separate flower arrangement for the gravesite.  I think she overstepped with her suggestion that you use your own bouquet. 
  • I'm all for the small toss bouquet idea. I think it would be a nice gesture but you get to keep your flowers too.
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  • I don' think you are crazy for wanting to keep the bouquet, but I don't think she is necesarily crazy either for the REQUEST (as long as thats all it was).  Maybe she was very close to her parents and wants to make them a part of the day.  Maybe she is sad her parents aren't around to see their grandson get married. 

    A separate bouquet might be fine, but is your bouquet going to have a lot of flowers in it so it might bepossible to take one or two out to give to FMIL, so that it is really apart of your bouquet?  That wouldn't work if it is a bouquet with less/bigger flowers, but if its a bunch of roses or similar, it should be easy to take a few out, and I bet it would mean a lot to FMIL.
  • WolfXWolfX member

    Personally i wouldnt mind at all since my wedding bouquet isnt a big thing for me. We will also be having a special ceremony to honnor people from each sides of the familly.
    You just have to let your FI how you feel about your bouquet and he should let his mom know very politely and nicely. Offer her something else.

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