Ugh (kinda long)

superjules916

First let me lead off by saying that I know the rule is the people paying get a say, my parents are covering our reception hall and I am very grateful... we are paying everything else which makes it about 60/40 just to set the stage.

My mom, FI and I work together so in making the lists we all were talking about which co-workers we would invite. Well one co-worker (N) that my mom is friendly with is very insulting. She is constantly making indirect digs about FI and I (I'm glad my kids got a good education so that they don't have to work here. Ugh people with tattoos are so nasty most of them don't have any teeth either etc.) So my mom says that she is putting her on her list. I told my mom that I really didn't want to invite her and her attitude was, "you're not, I am."

Finally the comments got so bad that I changed my lunch time so that I wouldn't even be in the cafe at the same time as her. Lately she has been bothering my mom too with her nasty comments and today was the straw that broke the camel's back I think. So my mom came back up to our office and said she was so upset that she was now "torn about the wedding" because she wants to invite co-workers E and K and probably not co-worker N. So I told her that she didn't have to invite N and if there was a problem with that to blame it on me. I also pointed out that N probably doesn't want to go anyway but would only go because my mom invited her seeing as she doesn't think very highly of FI and I. 

So all that to say ladies, should my mom invite someone just because she is inviting the other two people they eat lunch with? And, should I fight harder not to have this wretched woman at my wedding? 

SarahPLiz

I personally wouldn't invite any coworkers. This is exactly why. 

redheadtmk

I am torn on this one. most posters on the these boards tend to lean towards inviting people such as your horrible co-worker to make things easier with the idea that on your wedding day, you wont even notice her behavior or spend any significant amount of time with her. which is probably true for the most part.
 i however take huge issue with parents who make demands simply because they are paying. if it is a budget issue that i understand, but using that to control decisions, invite people they want and who are not important to the bride and groom, etc is not ok. giving money should be a gift. once you give that money it is up to the person to decide how to spend it. i try to understand but i was raised to be very independent so the thought of my parents controlling anything rubs me the wrong way.
 i think if you do not want this woman at your wedding, you need to either stand up to your mom or let her know that she is responsible for running interference if the woman is out of line at any point. we have people getting married at my work often and they pick and choose who they are closest to for deciding who to invite. you are not obligated to co-workers in any way when it comes to your wedding. i know not everyone is as strong willed and comfortable standing up to thier parents as i am though. good luck

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't invite her, regardless of the fact that she's chipping in. The woman sounds horrible. And honestly, I'm surprised your mom would have wanted to invite her in the first place knowing that she says all that.

MISSCOURTNEY20

It looks like your mom doesn't want to invite her now so don't. And like PP said, don't talk about the wedding at work.

K&J64

Don't invite her, and if she gets wind and makes a fuss after the fact tell you mom to blame you and FI so it's not awkward for her. I have a strict no haters policy for my guest list

Celles

I wouldn't invite her.  And if I were your mother, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her (if she asks) that since she never has anything nice to say about my daughter, I didn't think she would be interested in attending her wedding, but I'll be sure to pass on the well wishes. 

superjules916

Thanks Ladies! This is all very helpful and Redhead I agree with the idea that parents shouldn't use the money as manipulation however most of them do... my mom included.

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ugh-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:64a7ab08-3c37-4e5c-aa63-002f2a15b5a3Post:33fc69d2-ff05-4a52-8f2b-a584d52aad09">Re: Ugh (kinda long)</a>:
[QUOTE] i however take huge issue with parents who make demands simply because they are paying. if it is a budget issue that i understand, but using that to control decisions, invite people they want and who are not important to the bride and groom, etc is not ok. giving money should be a gift. once you give that money it is up to the person to decide how to spend it. Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]

If I were paying for my kid's wedding, I would expect to be able to invite whomever I wanted. Thankfully I'm the type of person who would try to be fair about it, though. Also, I'd much rather my parents have some say in the decisions I made than have to had pay for it all myself.

OP, don't invite her. She sounds like biotch.