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Quick age question

ok so i resisted from making a comment on a post on NEY board because im feeling very non-judgmental and nice today...BUT this raised a question in my head...when do you say the age gap in couples are too big...
answer me that please...I am actually dying to know your opinions.

i think 10 years is acceptable but any bigger gap is getting closer to the verge of MY limit.

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Re: Quick age question

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    I think it depends on how old the couple is.  To me, 19 and 25 is a big gap, 32 and 45, not so much. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_quick-age-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:68339dbb-3b46-471b-98a7-73bb2a17d836Post:9315f444-4e5c-4a40-bb50-b15e2a635ff1">Re: Quick age question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on how old the couple is.  To me, 19 and 25 is a big gap, 32 and 45, not so much. 
    Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]


    This.  When you're younger, age gaps mean a lot more than they do when you're older.
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    I can see that point. I think that is true in a lot of cases...
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    deb84deb84 member
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    I agree that age gaps matter less the older you get.  19 and 25 is a huge gap to me.  (one just starting college, figuring out how to live on their own, enjoying freedom; the other entering the "real" world of jobs, paying off students loans, buying a home, etc)  But the same number of years later in life isn't a big deal...say 27 and 33.  I think what is more important than age is being at the same point in your life and having the same general life goals/values. 
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    I was told about a rule that a guy friend of mine had in high school about how far apart people should be.  I liked it.

    One person should be no less than half your age plus 7.  So, since my FI is about to turn 29, I should be no younger than 21.5 (I'm 24, so I'm cool).

    And, if the guy is 70, his young thang can be no younger than 42. 

    I use this all the time, lol.
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    I'm 9 years older than my fiance, and have had to deal with some raised eyebrows due to the double standard that it is okay for the man to be older, but not the woman.  I must admit I used to be guilty of the same perception.  I had serious doubts about getting involved with a man so much younger than myself (who ironically turns out to be the most mature man I have ever been involved with).  Luckily I got over being afraid of what everyone else might think.  Our love has nothing to do with our ages.  My advice is to view a couple as who they are with one another, not the dates on their birth certificates.
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    Autumn...i like that idea.
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    I had to pick other because my husband is the younger one, not me.

    I am 38 and he is 28.  No one really bats an eye because no one believes my age anyways.  And he is probably more mature than I am.

    Also...I dated a man 19 years older than me for years in my late 20s and that didn't feel like a big deal to me either.  
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    Oh and PS:  There are some advantages to a younger groom.  ^.~  Lol

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_quick-age-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:68339dbb-3b46-471b-98a7-73bb2a17d836Post:ad360325-0190-4603-9691-5cb09ca1b44e">Re: Quick age question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh and PS:  There are some advantages to a younger groom.  ^.~  Lol
    Posted by AutumnD5*21[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Ugh...that depends, haha.  He would be much happier if I was in the mood twice a day.  Unfortunately for him, I am not:)  

    </div>
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    I used to think 10 years was pushing it.  Now, my FI is less than a year older than me.  However, my BFF's FI is like 15-16 years older than her.  The age thing was odd at first ( he has an adult child and a grandchild) however, he treats her incredibly well.  For a while she lived in another state for grad school and he lived a couple of miles from me.  He would come over and fix stuff for me, take care of my cat when I was out of town, her parents lived nearby and he would go over and help out with the remodeling project.  So now I think it's about the couple and not the age.  How many guys would do that for their gf friends and family when she was hundreds of miles away. 
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    I read a post where the GF was 25 and her BF was 49....i tried not to give that post the raised eyebrow look because i try to keep an open mind about most things but i couldn't help but think that if i had someone 24yrs older than me try to hit on me he would get the major "hah! and you thought" raised eyebrow look...
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    I'm with the other girls who said that it makes more of a difference when you are younger. I think after college, 5, 10, even 15 years is not that big of a deal because you're both mature and know what you want in life.

    Honestly though, it freaks me out a little bit when people are with people twice their age. My psychology courses make me think "daddy (or mommy) issues." But whatever makes you happy!Smile
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    Sascha I took a look at your bio and would have never guessed your age. You and your husband look the same age, both in your twenties.
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    I think it depends. Like PP said, it doesn't matter as much as you get older. DH is 7 years older than me. We met when I was 20 and it was fine. But had we met when I was 17 and he was 24, it would have been a little weird.

    My dad's third wife was 21 when they got together, he was 43. That was gross, because she was only 8 years old when I was born and their maturity levels were far different. Sure enough, it didn't work out.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_quick-age-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:68339dbb-3b46-471b-98a7-73bb2a17d836Post:4bc8128d-8df5-4dfb-9db0-561930ede7ea">Re: Quick age question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had to pick other because my husband is the younger one, not me. I am 38 and he is 28. <strong> No one really bats an eye because no one believes my age anyways.</strong>  And he is probably more mature than I am. Also...I dated a man 19 years older than me for years in my late 20s and that didn't feel like a big deal to me either.  
    Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_quick-age-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:68339dbb-3b46-471b-98a7-73bb2a17d836Post:9315f444-4e5c-4a40-bb50-b15e2a635ff1">Re: Quick age question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on how old the couple is.  To me, 19 and 25 is a big gap, 32 and 45, not so much. 
    Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

    This!  I think it totally depends on how old you are.  The younger you are the smaller a gap that is acceptable in my mind.
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    Well my first husband was 12 years older then I was, I was 18 he was 30. And let me tell you it was a mess, and I was young and stupid. The woman I am today would have kicked his sorry a$$ instead of marrying him.

    I do believe there is such a thing as too old or too young.
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    It's not an age thing to me, it's a stage of life thing. Although, guys (or girls I guess) in their late-20s or over dating teenages skeeves me out - I always think there's some sort of control issues there.

    I'm sure that there's perfectly self-sufficient and confident young people out there that are capable of asserting themselves in a relationship, but this, to me, is an exception.
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    I also think it depends on how old the couple is. There is a whole lot of growing up that happens between 16 and 26, but someone is pretty well established by 35, so a 10 year age difference at that point is no biggie. 

    If a girl is 18 and her BF is 38, then that's just wrong and I'd feel that he is taking advantage of her inexperience. 
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    I dated (probably my first "serious" - he called and asked me out -guy) a man close to 20 years older than me when I was 25.
    He thought I was 35, he was 45, and was within a year or two of my mom and dad's age.

    The guy I had a relationship with before J was 2 years older than me, and another one was probably 6-10 years older. His kids were in college (I'm old enough to have kids in college).

    J is only 6 months older than me.

    I think it would depend on the maturity level of both parties, especially the younger one, the intentions of the older one, and what both were looking for.
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    [QUOTE]My dad's third wife was 21 when they got together, he was 43. That was gross, because she was only 8 years old when I was born and their maturity levels were far different. Sure enough, it didn't work out.
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]
    This is when it gets weird for me.  I've known instances where one spouse was younger, the same age as, or just a couple years older than the other spouse's children. I think it would be strange to be the step-mom of a high school kid kid just a few years younger than me or the spouse's adult child who is older than me.

    I did know one person in a relationship where the SO and child were the same age, but it was a kind of different situation.
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    Fi is 31, I'm 19. It doesn't bother either of us. People who hear how old he is from me without having met him first tend to give me a bit of a look, but everyone I've physically introduced him to couldn't believe he was over 25. When we first started talking, I thought he was around that age, he thought I was around 23-24. It was a bit of a shock finding out that (at the time) I was 17 and he was 29, but at that point we were interested enough that it didn't really matter. I've always dated older guys, albeit not 12 years older, but we gave it a chance, and I'm glad we did.

    I'm sure he gets the same thing from people he tells, but after dating a woman 2 years older than him for a while that acted like she was 3 years my junior, I don't think my physical age matters as much as my not being crazy.

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    I am 6 years older then my FI.  At first it was a little strange but now I am used to it.  I think age difference depends on the relationship.  Some relationships don't work when people are the same age and some do.  Some relationships work when there is a huge age difference and some don't.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_quick-age-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:68339dbb-3b46-471b-98a7-73bb2a17d836Post:9315f444-4e5c-4a40-bb50-b15e2a635ff1">Re: Quick age question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on how old the couple is.  To me, 19 and 25 is a big gap, 32 and 45, not so much. 
    Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

    This. Exactly.
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    It depends on the people, the situation, and how old the youngest is.

    Dh and I are 10 years apart (I'm 26, he's 36) but we met at a point in our lives where we are both wanting the same things (house, kids, etc) so it worked out. I told him once if we had met when I was 20 instead of 24 I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with him because he would have been "old".

    One of my friends and her husband have 13 years apart. When they started dating she was 17 and he was 30. She moved in when she turned 18, had a baby at 19 and had a jop wedding when the baby was born. She's now 21 and wants to constantly go out and party, drink, clubs, etc while he's content being the 34 year old dad. I love them dearly and hope for the best, but I don't see it working much longer.

    One of my high school friends is dating a man 25 years her senior. I worry about her.

    For me the cut off is "Is he old enough to have had me as a kid". One of my friends is 20 years older than me and I can't imagine dating him, because I would probably want to hang out with his kid (he had her at 18) as much as I want to hang out with him.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_quick-age-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:68339dbb-3b46-471b-98a7-73bb2a17d836Post:9315f444-4e5c-4a40-bb50-b15e2a635ff1">Re: Quick age question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on how old the couple is.  To me, 19 and 25 is a big gap, 32 and 45, not so much. 
    Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

    <div>this.</div><div>
    </div><div>there is a 12 year age gap between me and my SO but i'm a grown ass woman.</div><div>
    </div><div>when i was 18 and my boyfriend was 34 i totally understand why my mom went completely grey.</div>
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    Also, before I met Dh I refused to date anyone who was 5 years or more older than me.
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    I don't think its about age, its about where in life you are.  Some people are in jobs and grown up at very young ages, some are not.  Some people are out for fun at older ages, some are not.  If your at the same stage in life (like starting a job, at work, wanting kids, retired, things like that) it matters a lot more than age. 

    In that post they were not wanting the same things (at least it didn't seem like it).  I do also think when you want kids that changes things too, if you want a new born at 80, well thats a problem for me, you probably can't care for it and won't be able to raise it. 
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