The NERVE of this Officiant!

karialex

My FI and I met with a very nice pastor as a prospective officiant for our wedding. We liked her well enough, but were a little surprised by the fact that she just pulled folders from a filing cabinet and said that we could use any of these ceremonies, she will sell us candles or sand for any unity ceremony, and when it came to price, my FI and I were very shocked by how expensive it was. After meeting with a different prospective officiant, who offered us a more personalized experience at an easier to swallow price, I e-mailed the pastor we had previously met with and politely told her that after careful consideration and discussion with our families, we decided that her fee just didn't fit into our budget. 3 hours later I got an e-mail reply saying, "Thank you for your response. I always have a question when folks have a budget when their wedding is at [our venue]". I was BLOWN away! I couldn't believe that a pastor would send such a back-handed comment to me in an e-mail because we couldn't afford her services. She was recommended by our venue and I will tell them that I was greatly offended by her. My biggest thing right now, is that I cannot decide if I should write her back or just leave it. I keep thinking of things I can say to her to let her know that I was offended by her comment, but I don't know if I should just let sleeping dogs lie and leave it at complaining to our venue's wedding coordinators who recommended her.

Any thoughts? Write her back or leave it be??

TIA

baystateapple

That's pretty freakin' rude.  I wouldn't write her back, but I would let whoever recommended you know that what her response was (print it out if you can) and let them know how unprofessional she was.

suz62984

I'm more confrontational; I would probably write something back. " Thank you for your understanding. I understand that budget alone is not enough reason for a decision.  My fiance and I also felt that the ceremony arrangements were predetermined and impersonal.  We are just looking for a more personal wedding experience. Thank you for meeting with us and have a great afternoon."  Good luck with whatever you decide.

desi2002

I agree with lisa

ohwhynot

Oh man.  I would have to write her back, because I'm a confrontational b*tch like that.  I'd write something like:

"While our budget comfortably leaves room for [your venue], it does not permit for an officiant who hawks overpriced candles and sand containers and who cannot be bothered to personalize a ceremony for her clients.  Moreover, our budget certainly cannot accomodate the gold-plated balls you must possess in order to question how we choose to spend our money." 

agk0125

I'm with ohwhynot, but I'm a bitch like that. If you wanted to be a super bitch you could respond and c.c. your venue so they can also see what she wrote to you. That's the kind of crap I do.

Simply Fated

I would just leave it.... drama is not my thing and I hate confrontations.

I would let the venue know, though, since I'm sure they had good intentions and would not want any more of their own clients to be offended.

karialex

I ended up writing the officiant back and asked her to explain what she meant by her comment. She then wrote back saying that she didn't feel I was getting the best since we're not willing to pay for it and since our venue is "one of the best" she expected we'd want the best... i.e. her. My FI and I didn't feel she was the best for us. I was tempted to write her again and say something to that affect, but decided against it. I did, however, write a long e-mail to the wedding coordinator at our venue explaining how I felt offended and pretty much stated that I didn't think they would want to be associated with someone so unprofessional. The wedding coordinator wrote back saying she was sorry that my FI and I had a negative experience with her and would look into the situation before making the decision to no longer refer to her. I'm still a little frustrated that the pastor was as rude as she was when FI and I were as nice as possible about declining her services. Oh well. Thanks everyone who gave their opinion!

kimberlyann1974

I wouldn't respond to her, because she wanted to get to you...and you'd give her that satisfaction.

Though, I would let the place that recommended her know how she treated you and forward her email as proof. Also, if there are any sites available that provide rating options, be sure that you put your experience with her there as well...just to save other future couples the hassle..and as potential clients skim over and decide not to give her their business...she learns her lesson.