So angry I could burst...

number55

I said I would DD and I did...

ZombieNates

Oh, Number Hugs.

So let me get this straight--Dad opened the card for you, then charged a TON of stuff on it (over the years)?  Can you draft up some kind of document stating that he will pay it and if he does pass away (God forbid) that his life insurance will cover the payment?

deepcovejackie

OMG, I'm so sorry.  I have no idea what to say!  Have you seen a lawyer about this?  It seems so wrong, and so unfair to you.

katiewhompus

Oh damn I could definitely see where that would be crazy stress inducing.  I don't get why he can't just take you off of the card and you won't be responsible. I know nothing about how secondary holding works though.

It may seem like a biitch move, but could he work that into his will somehow? In the event of his passing (God forbid) the debt would be paid via life insurance/whatever and not be your responsibility?

I'm sorry #'s

cupcakesfrosting

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_angry-could-burst?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:758167ce-713f-43d7-9892-43449227a230Post:f29f454f-34fd-4a0d-b81c-f09a782e8ffc">Re: So angry I could burst...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, Number :( Hugs. So let me get this straight--Dad opened the card for you, then charged a TON of stuff on it (over the years)?  Can you draft up some kind of document stating that he will pay it and if he does pass away (God forbid) that his life insurance will cover the payment?
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

That's what I was going to say. Couldn't there be some kind of contract written that states that?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Your dad should have some reasonable explanation for this, and a plan to pay it back.

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_angry-could-burst?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:758167ce-713f-43d7-9892-43449227a230Post:f29f454f-34fd-4a0d-b81c-f09a782e8ffc">Re: So angry I could burst...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, Number :( Hugs. So let me get this straight--Dad opened the card for you, then charged a TON of stuff on it (over the years)?  Can you draft up some kind of document stating that he will pay it and if he does pass away (God forbid) that his life insurance will cover the payment?
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, pretty much...I mean, he didn't do it maliciously I am sure...he had a credit card already. Then when he wanted to make paying for stuff easier when I was away at school he asked for a copy for me (I signed papers for it)...that made me legally responsible for the balance on it.</div><div>
</div><div>I have no idea what can be done about it. </div>

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_angry-could-burst?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:758167ce-713f-43d7-9892-43449227a230Post:f29f454f-34fd-4a0d-b81c-f09a782e8ffc">Re: So angry I could burst...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, Number :( Hugs. So let me get this straight--Dad opened the card for you, then charged a TON of stuff on it (over the years)?  Can you draft up some kind of document stating that he will pay it and if he does pass away (God forbid) that his life insurance will cover the payment?
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

This was my first thought. Can something be added to his Will? Seriously, this just sucks, sorry.

SereJane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_angry-could-burst?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:758167ce-713f-43d7-9892-43449227a230Post:f29f454f-34fd-4a0d-b81c-f09a782e8ffc">Re: So angry I could burst...</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, Number :( Hugs. So let me get this straight--Dad opened the card for you, then charged a TON of stuff on it (over the years)?  Can you draft up some kind of document stating that he will pay it and if he does pass away (God forbid) that his life insurance will cover the payment?
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

Same question as Zombie Nates and solution idea.

That really sucks Number :( Money fears are the worst, especially when out of your control

SarahPLiz

I'm so sorry, Number! Would it help if he wrote in his will that it should be paid off with any proceeds of insurance before anything else, or if he took out another insurance policy with you as the sole benficiary to take care of this balance if he passes? 

number55

My dad is a sweet sweet man and I am sure he didn't *mean* to screw me financially but he isn't good with money. I have tried to learn from his mistakes and be better with money. My only hope is that he takes it seriously when I bring it up and that he tries to do something about it, I just hope he doesn't fluff it off and say that it isn't a big deal. But I think that he will understand why I am worried because he still isn't finished dealing with the details of my grandmother's death (he was the executor on my mother's mother's will...she died in June 2010) so he knows first hand (between her and my mom) how difficult finances get when someone dies. I just pray that he understand why something has to happen...I mean, theoretically DH and I could handle it but it would set us back YEARS and if I were on a maternity leave for the year when it happened we would be SCREWED. 

reils

wow, I am sorry . I know he's your dad but I would be going to a lawyer and getting a contract made up. Is it possible that he didn't know that the debt would roll over to you? 

cardmonsta

I'm so sorry. Ditto all the PPs.  Talk to a lawyer, see if he can get it into his will or something.

This blows. I want to hug you.

number55

Sarahplz...that is the one option I was thinking...I am constantly being offered insurance for my card but I never take it because I don't hold a balance. I am hoping there is an option for that. Or a will option. I have no idea what the details of the will are...he is fairly tight lipped about it, partially because I think the details changed when he married his wife and frankly, I don't want to know them because I am sure I won't like them. In reality I don't really care...I doubt there is any money to be had anyways and even if there were, I don't care about money (unless I owe it!)...anyways...I will be asking him to look into options because I am already so stressed out right now...this might put me over the edge. 

pirategal03

I don't know that a CC company would care if there's a clause in the will, you signed the papers when you were legally an adult.  Can you have him take out a life insurance policy on himself that would cover the debt and name you as the beneficiary?  And remove yourself from the card account now.  That way you're not liable for any future charges. 

SereJane

In Canada do they have that thing where you can have the debt paid off if the main person dies? Here where I live we have that for credit cards if both people on the card work over 24 hours a week. I wonder if something like that would apply

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_angry-could-burst?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:758167ce-713f-43d7-9892-43449227a230Post:6043792f-01be-4db7-a549-5f710a595692">Re: So angry I could burst...</a>:
[QUOTE]**What you are about to read is not meant to be financial advice or instruction to any one person or group.  Do not accept advice on your finances from the internet, instead seek the advice of a financial expert.*** The info given to you on the phone may not be true.  Especially because what state you live in makes a big difference when it comes to estates.  Even if it is, you could add the insurance that pays off debt in the event of death or job loss pretty cheap and in most cases you don't even have to have it on that card just a major credit card and have that one listed on the plan.  There are only two ways that you could be on that account with your dad, as an additional card holder or as a joint account.  In most states if you are only the additional card holder and are removed now and your father passes without a will, his wife will automatically be the heir and therefore responsible.  If he has a will or a trust he can outline who will be the trustee and therefore who will be responsible for paying any outstanidng debt.  Essentially what I am telling you is that there are ways around this.  However, I am not a financial expert and you should seek out advice from one to find out exactly what the rules are in your state and in your situation. 
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah, I only know what I was told on the phone, so theoretically it could be wrong. But the lady seemed pretty quick to give me the answers I was looking for...</div><div>
</div><div>I really don't think he knew that I would be responsible. He isn't like that. He was probably just genuinely trying to help me out by giving me access to credit (I never even used the card unless he told me to...).</div><div>
</div><div>BLEH...the worst part is that I don't even see him til Saturday...so I have to put it out of my mind til then because I can't do anything about it.

</div>

anna.oskar

Number, i'm so sorry.  How frustrating.

Something similar happened to my dad when his father died.  Luckily, he was able to fight it in the courts and won. 

Good Luck

katiewhompus

Website from google that basically confirms the phone convo I'm thinking taking out an insurance specifically for that reason may be best.

http://www.canadian-money-advisor.ca/what-is-a-secondary-card-holder.html

ZombieNates

I understand that he didn't do it maliciously (and at least that's a little comforting), but he needs to take this seriously for your sake.  I would talk to him immediately and see what he's willing to do. 

number55

Yeah KWs post just made me more nauseous...

Jas...can you delete this thread if you read it...there are too many quotes that relate to it to bother DDing it...

Going to hide in bed now.

jamiefour

Could he transfer the balance of the card to another card without your name on it and then cancel the existing account.  People I know transfer balances all the time for better rates.

reils

Not sure if you'll see this but Is there anyway that he can transfer the debt from this CC to another one in just his name? That should remove you from the situation, no? 

ETA: or what jamie said! I am too slow. 

Brandiewine11

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I know how you feel - my parents actually opened cards in my name and used them. I didn't find out until after I graduated college and couldnt' get an apartment. I had no idea. Please know that I'm sure he did intend to hurt you and it got out of hand and he didn't know what to do - at least I hope. I know what you mean about feeling stupid not have figured it out. It's not your fault and we trust our parents to take care of us. I really and truly hope you get it figured out soon. It will all be ok - I promise!

reddy123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_angry-could-burst?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:758167ce-713f-43d7-9892-43449227a230Post:20cba72d-db3d-4176-9b89-d395e306f44b">Re: So angry I could burst...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So angry I could burst... : BLEH...<strong>the worst part is that I don't even see him til Saturday...so I have to put it out of my mind til then because I can't do anything about it.</strong>
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

<div>It seems unbearable, but this is a good thing. It will give you time to cool down a little bit and perfect and polish what you want to say. Deep breaths! This is really f*cked up! It's okay to be pissed/confused/ feel like the wind got knocked out of you. I'm really, really sorry about this Number. I take financial stress really hard, so I understand and I just want to hug you right now. Things will get ironed out, and you can work out a plan, with him, with creditors, whatever.</div><div>
</div><div>It could be possible he has assets you don't know about that could help out as soon as he knows or otherwise? Is his name on the CC at all?</div><div>
</div><div>Knottie vibes that this all works out, I mean it, I'm sorry Number.</div>

kd.joseph

How does this not effect your credit if you are responsible?

If it doesnt they make be talking out the side of their a$$. When DH got me a card they made it clear I'm just a user the card is in my name, but HE is responsible for the debt. But I would be able to pay as his heir anyway.

I'd really talk to a lawyer, and have him take you off ASAP, just in case.

ZombieNates

Number, we all love you.  I know that that's small comfort now, but we're all sending vibes that this works out well!

Celles

Reils's suggestion would work!

Also: are you sure you aren't just an authorized user on the account?  If the issuing bank didn't run a credit check on you at the time that they opened the card in your father's name (it sounds like you were added afterwards), then you may be an authorized user rather than a joint holder, which means that you can't be legally responsible for the debt.  That's how it works here, anyway.  I realize that Canadian regulations are probably a little different.

LesPaul

I'm so sorry, Numbers.  I'm sure it feels like a punch in the stomach.

If you do opt for additional life insurance, don't get the credit life insurance through the card.  It's much cheaper to get a term policy outside that would cover some or all of the obligation.

I also agree with pps about your potential liability - if you're just a secondary card or authorized user, it's his account.  Wouldn't it have to be a joint account (that you would see on your credit report) for your liability to be joint and several?  Just wondering.

{{hugs}} and good luck - I'm sure there's a resolution.

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_angry-could-burst?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:758167ce-713f-43d7-9892-43449227a230Post:ee61644a-c072-4082-864f-0e982794d1da">Re: So angry I could burst...</a>:
[QUOTE]Reils's suggestion would work! Also: are you sure you aren't just an authorized user on the account?  If the issuing bank didn't run a credit check on you at the time that they opened the card in your father's name (it sounds like you were added afterwards), then you may be an authorized user rather than a joint holder, which means that you can't be legally responsible for the debt.  That's how it works here, anyway.  I realize that Canadian regulations are probably a little different.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what my DH just said almost verbatim.

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_angry-could-burst?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:758167ce-713f-43d7-9892-43449227a230Post:4adcaa99-2723-486c-8c0c-5245837c38e3">Re: So angry I could burst...</a>:
[QUOTE]How does this not effect your credit if you are responsible? If it doesnt they make be talking out the side of their a$$. When DH got me a card they made it clear I'm just a user the card is in my name, but HE is responsible for the debt. But I would be able to pay as his heir anyway. I'd really talk to a lawyer, and have him take you off ASAP, just in case.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

<div>I worded it wrong...it totally does affect my credit. What I meant is that it wasn't as if my credit history/employment, current or past, affects my father's ability to maintain the card. So, what that means is that if I want out now it's fine, he can still have the card, he doesn't need me (and my awesome credit) to maintain it.</div>

katiewhompus

Oooh I like the idea about transferring the balance. I know very little about this but it makes sense in my head. Talk to him/a financial planner about that.