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Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.

Whichever you deem necessary ;)  I could probably use a little bit of both.

So I've been a little down in the dumps lately, because I have a lot of friends and family members that won't be coming to the wedding.  I understand in most of the cases, and I know a lot of them have to travel and that's absolutely understandable if they can't make it. 

But my grandma has been a huge drama queen this entire time, saying she can't come...no reason really.  My aunt was going to drive her, my parents were going to pay for her hotel room and a new outfit if she wanted one, and my aunt was going to take her back to the hotel whenever she wanted during the reception.  She's able to ride in the car long periods (and she does, fairly regularly) and she won't give a reason because every one she gives my family counteracts.  Fine, so she just doesn't want to come, weird, but whatever.  Well now, she's guilted my favorite aunt into not coming because if she (aunt) goes, my grandma will be alone on Mother's Day and then she'd be a bad daughter. 

My side is going to be represented by my parents, my grandpa, my 3 person wedding party, and 3 other friends.  The other 70 or so people coming all belong to FI.  I'm trying to remind myself that the important people will be there, and that i"m lucky to be marrying into a family that cares about us so much, but goddamnit I'm hurt.



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Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.

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    I would be hurt too, but I would tell everyone to stop giving her the third degree on why she isnt coming.  She doesnt have to explain herself.  Just like you wont have to explain to her why you are pissed off.

    Old people are weird.
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    I feel for you J ::: hugs:::

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    Awww I'm sorry.  You totally have a right to be pissy, your grandma gets a Mother's Day every year.  You've only got one wedding day.  What a mean old bird.  Talk to your aunt, try to make her understand that it's very important to you that she be there because there are so few of "your" people there.  Maybe your aunt can take her to dinner or something the day before or after Mother's Day. I really hope she changes her mind.

    Is your grandma an attention whore?  Because maybe she just doesn't want to be at a big function where she's not the center of attention.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:2ef79d21-66f3-44fa-bd8f-ac2b1a027e59">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be hurt too, but I would tell everyone to stop giving her the third degree on why she isnt coming.  She doesnt have to explain herself.  Just like you wont have to explain to her why you are pissed off. Old people are weird.
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
    No one is giving her the third degree, sorry if the way I worded it made it sound that way.  When she first said "Oh, I won't be able to go to Jessica's wedding" my dad asked why not and told her they'd pay for her room.  She's actually the one that keeps bringing it up, whining to people about how she's not going to be able to go and no one cares that she's not going. 

    Nugg, she is kind of an AW.  She did this right away at the beginning, to try to get us to have the wedding in my hometown which is closer to her.  Now she won't stop.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:2ef79d21-66f3-44fa-bd8f-ac2b1a027e59">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be hurt too, but I would tell everyone to stop giving her the third degree on why she isnt coming.  <strong>She doesnt have to explain herself</strong>.  Just like you wont have to explain to her why you are pissed off. Old people are weird.
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    See I have to disagree, if my grandma wasn't coming I'd expect a reason as to why.  This isn't like, some random friend of a friend, or a coworker or a second cousin twice removed.  Especially when it turns into "I'm not coming and favorite aunt, you aren't going either."
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:614388dc-0b9b-457d-819f-af0b77c7a6b0">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick. : No one is giving her the third degree, sorry if the way I worded it made it sound that way.  When she first said "Oh, I won't be able to go to Jessica's wedding" my dad asked why not and told her they'd pay for her room.  She's actually the one that keeps bringing it up, whining to people about how she's not going to be able to go and no one cares that she's not going.  Nugg, she is kind of an AW.  She did this right away at the beginning, to try to get us to have the wedding in my hometown which is closer to her.  Now she won't stop.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Yeah it sounds like she's just bitchy because you're going to be the focus of the day (it's YOUR DAY, yo!) and she's not.  Especially with the passive-aggresive whining about how she's not going and nobody cares.  Obviously people care if they're jumping through hoops to enable you to make it.  You just want people to fuss over you.  I hate people like that.
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

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    Ugh that sucks J and I'd be hurt too. I never got an explanation for why the majority of my relatives didn't come but at least they weren't recruiting people to not come with them!
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    I can commiserate.  It sucked to get a ton of "no" RSVPs (or just no response at all) from my family, and have all of H's extended family be incredibly enthusiastic to show up.  It sucks, no matter how you try to rationalize it, and it hurts.  I'm sorry :o(  The balance of his side vs. my side was totally lopsided.
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    That's rough. I would be super upset if a close family member was acting like this about my wedding. When it all comes down to it, I hope she realizes what she'll be missing out on and go to your wedding. :)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:614388dc-0b9b-457d-819f-af0b77c7a6b0">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick. : No one is giving her the third degree, sorry if the way I worded it made it sound that way.  When she first said "Oh, I won't be able to go to Jessica's wedding" my dad asked why not and told her they'd pay for her room.  <u><strong>She's actually the one that keeps bringing it up, whining to people about how she's not going to be able to go and no one cares that she's not going</strong></u>.  Nugg, she is kind of an AW.  She did this right away at the beginning, to try to get us to have the wedding in my hometown which is closer to her.  Now she won't stop.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Well that is stupid.  If she doesnt want to go she should shut up about it and not make it look like she cant go for other reasons.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
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    That really sucks and you are justified in being hurt. I don't know for sure, but I feel like most of my family won't come either. Personally, if my gradma pulled that crap, I would think she really wanted to come but was too proud to accept the help. I'd have your parents/aunt make the arrangements they offered and just show up and make her get in the car and bring her. Thats just me. You are allowed to be mad.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:08c050db-3d86-4a4f-ab2b-c03231cebb47">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ugh that sucks J and I'd be hurt too. I never got an explanation for why the majority of my relatives didn't come but at least they weren't recruiting people to not come with them!
    Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

    Yes, I think that's the worst of it.  I had come to terms with grandma not coming, but now the unexpected change with my aunt not coming, seemingly just because grandma doesn't want to be miserable alone really hit me hard.  It just sucks.  If you don't want to go, fine.  We can't make you.  But don't drag other people down with you.  My aunt's been talking for MONTHS about how excited she is for the wedding. 

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    Does your Aunt have anything to say about why she isnt coming?
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
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    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:360ac3bd-b748-4985-acc1-97dc454dad2b">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does your Aunt have anything to say about why she isnt coming?
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    She talked to my mom.  I guess she said she didn't want to leave my grandma alone, and then when my mom pointed out it was my grandma's choice not to go, my aunt came out with the fact that my grandma's been guilting her for quite some time and she pretty much just wanted to make it stop.  But she hasn't said anything directly to me.  Apparently her RSVP is in the mail and she just didn't want us to be surprised (so she called my parents??) and my mom called me to give me the heads up because she knew it would upset me and she didn't want me to be surprised by the RSVP.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    Grandma and Aunty would be off my X-mas card list next year.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
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    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:2013a3b6-9e92-42d7-b930-667d95a7c7f5">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick. : Yeah it sounds like she's just bitchy because you're going to be the focus of the day (it's YOUR DAY, yo!) and she's not.  <strong>Especially with the passive-aggresive whining about how she's not going and nobody cares.  Obviously people care if they're jumping through hoops to enable you to make it.  You just want people to fuss over you.  I hate people like that.</strong>
    Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

    Missed this the first time around, but yeah, that's pretty much exactly how we feel about it.  It's my dad's mom and sister, and my mom is just FURIOUS about it.  I think she might be even more upset than me.  She's funny, because she's normally very mature and collected (my mom), but she told me "AND IF THEY WANT TO SEE PICTURES THEN YOUR FATHER CAN SHOW THEM PICTURES BECAUSE I'M NOT SHOWING THEM SHIIT!"  I giggled.  I love my mom.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    Sounds like your aunt needs to stand up to your grandmother.  That's my two cents.

    I can see why you're upset, you're completely justified.  Don't look for buttkickings from us.  If you were within 100 miles of me, I'd come to your wedding, sit on your side and give a "woot woot!" when you're pronounced "Man and Wife".  Cool
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    J, that really, really sucks. I'm sorry because I know how disappointing and hurtful that is.

    FWIW, N's grandparents won't be coming to our wedding (they're in IN, we're getting married here).  He was sad and asked his dad why and apparently the g-pa doesn't want to drive out here because he'd have to stop to go to the bathroom and he doesn't want to make them stop for him.  I mean, I kind of get it, but he's driving with his son for his grandson's wedding (and N is likely the only grandchild to get married--the other grandson has brain damage from an accident and is mentally about 12).  N's other g-pa died two years ago, so I know he'd really want them there.  It sucks. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:d1c19c98-5009-4138-bbec-7c9be5aa15d1">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick. : Missed this the first time around, but yeah, that's pretty much exactly how we feel about it.  It's my dad's mom and sister, and my mom is just FURIOUS about it.  I think she might be even more upset than me.  She's funny, because she's normally very mature and collected (my mom), but she told me "AND IF THEY WANT TO SEE PICTURES THEN YOUR FATHER CAN SHOW THEM PICTURES BECAUSE I'M NOT SHOWING THEM SHIIT!"  I giggled.  I love my mom.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Ha!  Your mom is awesome. 

    I'm with Blue, I'd probably just not speak to either of them for a while. 
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    reilsreils member
    First Comment
    I'd be hurt too, I think more about my aunt not coming because my grandma was guilting her. That's just crappy. I'd try talking to your aunt or have your mom talk to her. I'd be really upset if my favourite aunt couldn't make it over something like this. 
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    I am sorry your going through this J&K :( *hugs*
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    It seems to me that old people become increasingly selfish and self-absorbed as they get older.   I wonder why that is.  It sounds mean, but that's just how I feel.
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

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    She is pretty awesome.  My uncle (who's also not coming, also grandma's kid, but I completely understand why he's not coming) suggested my dad videotape the ceremony so they could see it.  My mom: "Um, he's going to be a little busy, walking his daughter down the aisle and being the father of the bride.  If they want to see her get married they should probably come to the wedding!" 

    And now you guys all see where I get my yelling and saying whateverthehell is on my mind from ;)

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    J, that really, really sucks. I'm sorry because I know how disappointing and hurtful that is.

    FWIW, N's grandparents won't be coming to our wedding (they're in IN, we're getting married here).  He was sad and asked his dad why and apparently the g-pa doesn't want to drive out here because he'd have to stop to go to the bathroom and he doesn't want to make them stop for him.  I mean, I kind of get it, but he's driving with his son for his grandson's wedding (and N is likely the only grandchild to get married--the other grandson has brain damage from an accident and is mentally about 12).  N's other g-pa died two years ago, so I know he'd really want them there.  It sucks. 
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    Thanks for letting me rant guys, and for the sympathy.  I just needed to vent to someone other than FI (he's heard enough, and then he starts feeling bad because his family is coming and mine isn't, and that's just silly) and my mom and my poor MOH. 

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    Sorry you are having to go through this.  My dad is sort of pulling the same crap with me, except he would rather go to my nephew's graduation the week before then come to my wedding.  He's making excuses why he can't come but my step-mom ays he's just being stubborn.
    I know how it sucks to not have many people on "your" side.  Out of our 115 person guest list, maybe 25-30 is my guests and that includes the 3 in my WP, the rest is all FI's guests.  Hopefully your grandma comes around :)
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    Oh my god, I don't think I'd ever talk to my dad again if he chose his nephew's graduation over my wedding.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:0f990a95-de32-469f-909f-e1c1a52effaf">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick. : See I have to disagree, if my grandma wasn't coming I'd expect a reason as to why.  This isn't like, some random friend of a friend, or a coworker or a second cousin twice removed.  Especially when it turns into "I'm not coming and favorite aunt, you aren't going either."
    Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

    Agree.  You only get one wedding.  I want my grandma there.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-indulgent-bratty-rant-serves-purpose-but-garner-sympathy-swift-kick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7842d3c7-095d-4b41-87dc-a786881715e5Post:0d188929-5307-46ce-bbca-c373c2ffa7d6">Re: Self-indulgent, bratty rant that serves no purpose but to garner sympathy or a swift kick.</a>:
    [QUOTE]It seems to me that old people become increasingly selfish and self-absorbed as they get older.   I wonder why that is.  It sounds mean, but that's just how I feel.
    Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>On the surface, yeah it sounds mean.  But then when you deal with an elderly person everyday, you can completely understand the sentiment.</div><div>
    </div><div>Before I moved in with H after our engagement, I lived with my mom and my grandfather (her father).  He still has it going mentally, but he is getting physically more dependent on people.  It can be a real strain on the caregivers, I'm hoping my mom takes a chance at getting out of town for a few days just so she can decompress.</div><div>
    </div><div>That said, I'm really sorry this is happening to you, J.  Regardless of "elderly issues," I would think a grandparent would attend a grandchild's wedding.  *big hug*

    </div>
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    Hey, I just wanted to stop in and say I don't really know what to say besides I'm sorry and *hugs*

    AND once your wedding reception starts and there is an intimate feeling of the people who really care and are present, that feeling is amazing and melts away a lot of the feelings that someone is missing. Not to downplay their absence, just saying the people who ARE there will make it awesome, and that helps a lot with the blow on the day of. You will be surrounded by so much love and people you want to chat with, you won't know what to do with it all :)


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