Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth
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BM Words of Wisdom?

So, I have not selected bridesmaids.  Of course, I know who I've always wanted them to be.  However, in the last few years they have been unreliable and now I'm not so sure.I can keep it simple and drama free and just have 2, my cousin and my best friend.  That doesn't seem like as much fun though. I have a newer friend who is totally involved in planning with me because she WANTS to and it seems right to have her as my BM, but to do so would mean leaving out old friends.  I don't want to have a huge BP because I'm not having that big of a wedding.So I'm torn.    Anyone have any opinions, advice/words of wisom?  What did you do?

Re: BM Words of Wisdom?

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    edited December 2011
    We aren't having a bridal party and from the stories I read about BP problems, I am grateful for the lack of drama in that area!  And it's still fun but then again I'm not much into all the wedding traditions either.  Would you be opposed to having a lopsided bridal party if that gets you all the girls you want? 
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    edited December 2011
    That's the big question,  I'm not sure that I want to include all of them.   I'm at a weird point in my life where my old friends really aren't on the same page with me, but at the same time that doesn't make them any less of a friend...and I don't want to regret it later in life.
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just had a MOH and I was glad to have such a stress-free wedding from that stand point.  Really, for me, anything else would have been ridiculous.  We're both in our mid-30s and we were having a small wedding.  I saw stick with your original two and be glad.  My only suggestion would be to call them both MOH.  That way they both have the same title and neither of them thinks that you don't like them as much as you like the other. 
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    edited December 2011
    My only suggestion would be to call them both MOH.Julie brings up a good point here!
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah I would definitely not choose one over the other for MOH.  
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Obviously, having just gotten up, my typing skills aren't that great.  I SAY stick with your original plan.
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    edited December 2011
    That's a tough question. But as time goes by everybody changes. I had the same situation and I wanted my old friends but at the same time...we just weren't as close anymore. So I decieded to choose people who are close to me now and I def. do not regret it. When they found out I was getting married, they were excited but didn't have cold feelings because they weren't part of the BP. I am still inviting them to the bach. party and everything else. So its not like I am leaving them out.
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    edited December 2011
    Keep it to the people you know and trust.  I had my sister as my MOH and my friend as a BM.  It was simple.  I knew I didn't want to have people as my BM just because I thought I needed more than 2 people as my BM...and I definitely don't want to look at my wedding pictures years from now and have someone in my WP that I don't speak to anymore.
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    BanannaPBanannaP member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto PP. Just because they're not in the bridal party doesn't mean they can't be involved. I am also not close to many of my old friends. I knew that I would have my sister as Maid of Honor and a close friend as Matron of Honor, but I wasn't sure beyond that. So I tried to think of the people who are going to still be in my life 5, 10, 20 years from now, and I decided to have FI's sister and sister in law as bridesmaids. I'm not incredibly close to them now, but I'm looking forward to spending time with them and becoming closer through this process.
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I kind of disagree about finding them another place in your wedding.  That could bring up bitter feelings on their part (admit it, there will be someone who feels that way) and I wouldn't want that to contaminate what friendship is left.  Invite them, definitely, but, in my opinion, I wouldn't want them to be involved in the wedding.  They might perceive it as a back-handed compliment.
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    edited December 2011
    What do you mean Julie? So far its been great with my friends. They like to look at my progress so far and see new ideas. In fact, they are usually asking me about it when we talk.
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What I meant was, some friends might be a little more upset that they are not a BM because they thought that they were close to you still even though they aren't.  Some people might get bitter about that and that could spill over into your wedding.  If it's working out for you, Sarah, then that's awesome but I wouldn't chance it.  That's just me.  One "friend" offered to help me the day of and pass out programs, etc.  Yeah, she didn't even come to the ceremony but came to the reception to eat and drink. 
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    DonnaariesDonnaaries member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Julie on this one.  Keep those close to you as the BM's, but don't start assigning "consolation roles" like guestbook attendant or whatever else to include the other girl.  It may be taken the wrong way.  I know I personally didn't enjoy this. There's nothing wrong with letting her be involved with the wedding planning process even if she is not a BM.  Maybe give her a thoughtful gift at the wedding to express your thanks.
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    edited December 2011
    Ouch..that's a really good point Julie...
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    edited December 2011
    I'm with Julie on this one. Keep those close to you as the BM's, but don't start assigning "consolation roles" like guestbook attendant or whatever else to include the other girl. It may be taken the wrong way. I know I personally didn't enjoy this. There's nothing wrong with letting her be involved with the wedding planning process even if she is not a BM. Maybe give her a thoughtful gift at the wedding to express your thanks.I completely, 100% agree!!!
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just know that it happened to me twice.  The 34 year old in me understands this now.  The 20 year old and the 25 year old didn't really get it at the time. 
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    edited December 2011
    I like the idea of getting her a special gift, that is nice. It's not that I don't want her in my BP because I actually really do want to include her, its just the drama it will create with other friends isn't all that desirable.
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You really need this time to be as drama free as possible.  There will be others, who you can't avoid dealing with, who will be more than happy to fill in that drama box for you.  I couldn't delete my IL's but I did omit some other possible drama problems. 
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    edited December 2011
    For me, quality over quantity matters here.I would rather have zero people up there with me than people who I'm not close with just to fill in numbers.
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    edited December 2011
    I'm not fixated on numbers at all.  If I thought I wanted to have a certain amount of BM's then I'd just ask everyone.   I don't want to do that though.My issue was just that I wanted to include some but not others, and it proves that it just may be too difficult to do that.
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    edited December 2011
    aahhh gotcha! I was a little clueless at first. :)
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    edited December 2011
    No it's ok, I think my original post was misleading when I said that 2 didn't seem like as much fun.  That didn't really come out as I had intended.
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    edited December 2011
    ...and thanks everyone for your input!  It is always appreciated!
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    TCUESW1999TCUESW1999 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is hard to deal with this and I would keep it simple, even though I really didn't and I haven't regretted it.....so far, lol. I have 4 bridesmaids and 3 ladies in the house party. I wanted all of them to be a part of the wedding somehow and couldn't have them all as bridesmaids. So, the house party ladies are included with everything else, such as the showers, the rehearsal dinner, they are also readers for the ceremony, will have their names on the programs, and I am getting them a small gift. That might be a little overkill but for me it worked out. On the flip side, I ended two long term (10 and 15 years) "friendships" with girls that I thought would always been part of the wedding. However, we grew apart, alot, in the past 2 years before I got engaged and I did not ask them to be bridesmaids, but part of the houseparty and they went bezerk to put it nicely. Started badmouthing the other girls, me, my mom, etc. It was not fun. So, to each their own. Everyone's situation is different so you have to do what is best for you. Good luck.
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    BanannaPBanannaP member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    When I said they could be involved without being in the bridal party, I didn't necessarily mean give them "consolation roles". I just meant that they can still do all the fun stuff like the bachelorette party and the shower, and they can help with the planning if they show an interest. It actually works out really well for them, I think, because they don't have the same obligations as bridesmaids.
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Bridesmaids and MOHs are only obliged to buy a dress and show up.....
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    BanannaPBanannaP member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
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    edited December 2011
    When I said they could be involved without being in the bridal party, I didn't necessarily mean give them "consolation roles". I just meant that they can still do all the fun stuff like the bachelorette party and the shower, and they can help with the planning if they show an interest. It actually works out really well for them, I think, because they don't have the same obligations as bridesmaids.This is what I meant! I am not giving them "consolation roles" or anything. Mainly my younger cousins because they WANT to do something.
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    juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think OP was talking about old friends and not family. 
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    edited December 2011
    Yes, I was referring to old friends.  My family will be planted in their chairs for the ceremony as far as I'm concerned. LOLI have a pretty small family and I'm an only child.  So at least things aren't complicated on that end.
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