Is it weird...

Celles

... to be ever-so slightly annoyed that my FI is wearing a ring that looks exactly like a men's wedding ring, even if it isn't on his ring finger?  I asked him about it the last time I saw it and he said it was a reminder to himself of blah blah blah, so I just kind of nodded and smiled and forgot about it. 

But now that we're shopping for wedding bands, I find myself annoyed all over again (and dropping subtle and not so subtle hints that he might want to ditch it before the wedding.).  He just le sigh'd me on Google chat. 

Am I being ridiculous? 

reddy123

What finger does he wear it on? How does it look like a wedding band? I also thought the 'bla bla bla' of your story was important, what does he need reminding of? Your relationship? Fakey promise ring?

laurenclaire1386

A reminder to him of...what? FI just got his wedding band and it was all I could do to keep him from actually wearing it.

If you're weird for being annoyed, then I'm weird too because I can see how that would bug me.

pirategal03

If it's actually sentimental, then I'd drop it.  If he just likes the look of gold (or whatever) against his skin then yeah, ok, be a little annoyed.

[Deleted User]

What about it annoys you exactly? That he's wearing jewelry and it looks weird, or just that the ring looks like a wedding band? Or does it remind him of something/someone that you don't like?

I don't see it as that big a deal. But then, my H never wears jewelry outside of his band so I have no basis for this.

reddy123

I don't see it any different than if I felt like wearing another ring on my right hand... what's the big deal? (I'm not trying to cause a stink I just feel a little confused)

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:d24dfeeb-972f-437d-9b65-46bb9cb676e3">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]What exactly about it bugs you? 
Posted by reddy123[/QUOTE]

That's the thing!  I don't know!  I guess I don't like that it looks identical to the wedding bands we're considering and there's a small part of me wonders "what's the point of getting him what he already has?"  I know it's not logical; it's a purely emotional reaction, and one I can't quite rationalize -- even to myself.  =\

september's bride

DH wears a ring on his right hand ring finger, and it looks like a wedding band. It doesn't bother me at all, because it's his hand...not my call.

I think you're being a little ridiculous about it, but you feel how you feel and you don't have to explain yourself. Is he wearing it on his left hand? I would think two rings on one hand would look strange...

reddy123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:da9a52da-b344-4b2f-94a2-ea401e245c54">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird... : That's the thing!  I don't know!  I guess I don't like that it looks identical to the wedding bands we're considering and there's a small part of me wonders<strong> "what's the point of getting him what he already has?"</strong>  I know it's not logical; it's a purely emotional reaction, and one I can't quite rationalize -- even to myself.  =\
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

<div>Aaah, okay. That makes sense. I'm pretty sure the wedding ring will be new and exciting to him even if it's identical to his old ring, because, well, it's his wedding ring and he will always remember it from the ceremony. I do get what you are saying though.</div>

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:da9a52da-b344-4b2f-94a2-ea401e245c54">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird... : That's the thing!  I don't know!  I guess I don't like that it looks identical to the wedding bands we're considering and there's a small part of me wonders "what's the point of getting him what he already has?"  I know it's not logical; it's a purely emotional reaction, and one I can't quite rationalize -- even to myself.  =\
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

<div>You could always get that one engraved, then it's something new and he doesn't have to get rid of it, and you don't have to buy a new ring. If it matches and if you're not against the ring itself.</div>

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:da9a52da-b344-4b2f-94a2-ea401e245c54">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird... : That's the thing!  I don't know!  I guess I don't like that it looks identical to the wedding bands we're considering and there's a small part of me wonders "what's the point of getting him what he already has?"  I know it's not logical; it's a purely emotional reaction, and one I can't quite rationalize -- even to myself.  =\
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

AHA! Now that makes sense to me.

sarah0725

This is one of those things that's his business, I think. Charlie is really fanatical about this healer's pentacle pendant that he wears, so much so that he got a tattoo of it. *shrug*

Celles

LC -- He said something about it representing his commitment to himself to finish school and "make something of himself."  

I know he beats himself up for dropping out of college.  He wants to go back (and is going back) but has some serious doubts about his ability to succeed -- not because he isn't smart or committed or capable, but because he had some pretty lousy professors the first time around and is now convinced that college isn't so much about learning as it is parroting whatever your teachers want you to say and think.  He's starting at ASU in the fall and I'll be supporting us financially until he graduates, which I suspect increases the pressure he feels to succeed: he feels that if doesn't, he will fail both of us instead of just himself. 

Somehow, this old ring that he says he just found "laying around" has become tied up in all of this in his head.  I'm sympathetic to the situation, of course, and am doing my best to support him while he works it all out.  But I guess I don't understand the symbolism he's ascribed to the ring, and (perhaps selfishly?) would prefer that the ring symbolism in the relationship be about us.  I'd be fine with a family heirloom, but this whole thing?  Seems a little contrived to me.

I'm being ridiculous.  And selfish.  I suck. 

laurenclaire1386

Dear, you are so far from sucking. You're just a girl Happens to the best of us.

Celles

Anysunrise -- We are getting the rings engraved!  Something along the lines of Soulbound..., and our date, because we're nerds. 

Celles

LC.   

I think I just needed to write it all out and then read it back to myself to realize it's no big deal.  Thanks for listening, everyone 

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:a3d94270-0a8b-427e-9f10-71c3012870da">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]Anysunrise -- We are getting the rings engraved!  Something along the lines of Soulbound..., and our date, because we're nerds. 
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

<div>I like it =) I want to get ours done, but I don't know what we'd get yet.</div>

reddy123

Ah man, now you gotta let him keep the ring. Contrived or not, I think it's really sweet he wants to keep that promise to himself.

You aren't being selfish though, you feeling your ring and relationship is as important as his future is important too.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:a3d94270-0a8b-427e-9f10-71c3012870da">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]Anysunrise -- We are getting the rings engraved!  Something along the lines of Soulbound..., and our date, because we're nerds. 
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]
FI wanted to get his ring engraved with "One ring to rule them all." IN THE ELVEN SCRIPT. And he wanted mine to say "And one ring to bind them." Mine's too thin to engrave, so we ended up not doing it at all. We're right there with you in the nerd category.

PandaBurr

"Binds when equipped" LOL

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:1e75955f-a1ee-499e-b0c8-82a48c4b5e66">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird... : FI wanted to get his ring engraved with "One ring to rule them all." IN THE ELVEN SCRIPT. And he wanted mine to say "And one ring to bind them." Mine's too thin to engrave, so we ended up not doing it at all. We're right there with you in the nerd category.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

H's ring says that.  not in elvish.  it was a surprise for him.  He didn't see it until after the reception and he laughed so hard I though i was going to be a widow.

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:1e75955f-a1ee-499e-b0c8-82a48c4b5e66">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird... : FI wanted to get his ring engraved with "One ring to rule them all." IN THE ELVEN SCRIPT. And he wanted mine to say "And one ring to bind them." Mine's too thin to engrave, so we ended up not doing it at all. We're right there with you in the nerd category.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

lol!  I have to say, that's taking it too far...  even for me. 

sarah0725

When it comes to beliefs and all that, we've gotta let our spouses do whatever silly thing makes them feel better. Charlie has a crystal that tells him the future, and I'm not allowed to touch it because I might disturb its energies. Boy do I think that is funny.

Celles

That's awesome, Anna.  I don't even know what your H looks like, but I'm picturing it and cracking up in my office.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:ae274d7c-463f-4b58-a867-dd8a506aab62">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird... : H's ring says that.  not in elvish.  it was a surprise for him.  He didn't see it until after the reception and he laughed so hard I though i was going to be a widow.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]
We sent the company we ordered FI's ring from a jpeg of the script, and they could do it. But he said he didn't want it if I couldn't have the other part on mine. It would've been really cool though.

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:67ac3174-59d2-437b-8b94-49db341af906">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]"Binds when equipped" LOL
Posted by PandaBurr[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh my God, you have no idea how badly I want to do this.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Celles, I'm an idiot and it took this post to realize what you meant by Soulbound. It's doubly awesome now.</div>

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:0fb1d522-f48c-492d-af30-b9c569e67e69">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]That's awesome, Anna.  I don't even know what your H looks like, but I'm picturing it and cracking up in my office.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

rolling on the bed, pounding his fist in an effort to stop laughing. He kept gasping to catch his breath.   It's especially funny since i'm known as a bit of a women's lib fanatic.  The idea that i'd let anyone "rule me" is ridiculous.

Celles

As my best friend is fond of saying:  "Nerds are our people."

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:5c48d7ae-f5a9-4f1c-bd9b-7716ee12409d">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird... : We sent the company we ordered FI's ring from a jpeg of the script, and they could do it. But he said he didn't want it if I couldn't have the other part on mine. It would've been really cool though.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

totally cool.  mine couldn't fit much for engraving either.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:ce28a3a2-b066-4d0f-a057-4703fdbb262b">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]When it comes to beliefs and all that, we've gotta let our spouses do whatever silly thing makes them feel better. Charlie has a crystal that tells him the future, and I'm not allowed to touch it because I might disturb its energies. Boy do I think that is funny.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

This is a common belief in some native American cultures. Not the telling the future part, but women disturbing power or energies. I have a drum that I cannot touch if I'm on my period, as it is believed that a woman who is menstrating has more energies and power within her, so it would disturb the spiritual powers of the drum.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f517dd6-be27-4c63-8771-5f8d7a27576ePost:aa185f50-eb20-4580-917f-e1bbf8228c8b">Re: Is it weird...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird... : I also think that's funny. And Charlie is pretty awesome. In a fun way.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I agree. :)

That's interesting about the Native American thing. I'm not sure if he thinks I'll disturb it because I'm a woman or because I'm a skeptic, though. I've decided to leave that one alone.