Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM

Y I Oughta

We are really close friends with a couple. Wife is a BM in her best friends wedding, but Husband is refusing to go because he despises the Groom. Wife says this might be unforgivable and she doesn't know how she will got over it. Her father and sister as well as a few of her aunts will be at the wedding. She and the bride have been like sisters for most of their lives. She is upset because she sill be embarrassed to be there without her husband.

So I wonder how your FI/Hubby would handle this situation and how you would feel about it FI' desicion not to go.

reils

I think that FI would just set aside his feelings and come to the wedding. How often do you really interact with the bride and groom at a wedding anyways?
If he was dead set against going I would realise that he has his reasons for not going and understand that.

NatesGirl16

Eeyore. I love him.

I probably wouldn't end my marriage over a situation like that. Now, if FI didn't want to go to Chili's, I'd junk punch him.  I love that place.

KaylaSue19

It probably wouldn't bother me that much to be honest. H had to miss my BFF's wedding and I was MoH and it was not that big of a deal. It was OOT though, so we just chose not to spend money on a plane ticket for him. Obviously a different situation, but that being said it didn't stop me from having fun and supporting my friend. I wouldn't make H go to a wedding if he hated the groom.

pirategal03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_husband-refusing-wife-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:abd13fb0-91e0-43e0-a4d6-9a6ff01d9805Post:86ba3d99-0d8a-4c83-9c64-9cac3b349115">Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM</a>:
[QUOTE]Well if he hated him, he probably wouldn't go. I'd just go without him, and that'd be that. It wouldn't really bother me that much. 
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

This.

There is no reason that H and I need to keep the same social calendar.  If he doesn't want to go to a wedding then whatever, he's not my child, I don't have to make him.  When people ask where he is I'd probably say he had other plans that day. 

It's not a big deal, and certainly isn't something that one should dwell on.  This isn't like when your middle school boyfriend didn't want to take you to the school dance.  That was serious business.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I can't picture my husband hating someone enough to not attend their wedding. And if he did, I guarantee he'd have a reason good enough for me to question attending the wedding as well.

kd.joseph

I don't expect my DH to like all the people in my life. Would it be ideal....yes, but it's not reality. I have plenty of gf's that I know my husband wouldn't get along with their husbands. But if he despised the other guy, I wouldn't force him to go with me. I'd go alone, have a good time, and sneak him piece of cake home.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_husband-refusing-wife-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:abd13fb0-91e0-43e0-a4d6-9a6ff01d9805Post:15d65c30-c33a-4e3f-bfe2-de8f7315e014">Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM</a>:
[QUOTE]It probably wouldn't bother me that much to be honest. H had to miss my BFF's wedding and I was MoH and it was not that big of a deal. It was OOT though, so we just chose not to spend money on a plane ticket for him. Obviously a different situation, but that being said it didn't stop me from having fun and supporting my friend. I wouldn't make H go to a wedding if he hated the groom.
Posted by KaylaSue19[/QUOTE]

One of our GMs did the same thing. He lives in NY and combined our wedding with a business trip. He has a wife, who went to high school with him and my husband, and 2 young kids. They debated if she could come, and eventually they decided she and the kids would stay home. No big deal. She's awesome, but she also doesn't drink, so she would have been watching the kids all weekend anyway or coming out with us and not drinking. ;-)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_husband-refusing-wife-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:abd13fb0-91e0-43e0-a4d6-9a6ff01d9805Post:476acb14-cb06-45cd-835e-a7ddcaa46c24">Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't expect my DH to like all the people in my life. Would it be ideal....yes, but it's not reality. I have plenty of gf's that I know my husband wouldn't get along with their husbands. But if he despised the other guy, I wouldn't force him to go with me. I'd go alone, have a good time, and sneak him piece of cake home.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

I agree. I have a few girlfriends he doesn't particularly like, but not enough to make a huge stink about how he never wants to see them again. But then, that's just not his personality. So maybe it's a difference in how people handle things.

neelynicole

If FI was that dead set against going to the wedding, I wouldn't force him to go, nor would I fault him for it. But if his feelings were that strong against this other man, it would definitely make me take a second look at the other man's behavior and/or personality. But just because I'm friendly with someone, I don't expect FI to feel the same way. And vice versa.

KaylaSue19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_husband-refusing-wife-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:abd13fb0-91e0-43e0-a4d6-9a6ff01d9805Post:0d990ffb-b632-4ed7-b681-b7da4bfdc7d1">Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM : One of our GMs did the same thing. He lives in NY and combined our wedding with a business trip. He has a wife, who went to high school with him and my husband, and 2 young kids. They debated if she could come, and eventually they decided she and the kids would stay home. No big deal. She's awesome, but she also doesn't drink, so she would have been watching the kids all weekend anyway or coming out with us and not drinking. ;-)
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

The thing about that, H doesn't drink either. That is a funny coincidence. I brought DS with me (21 months at the time) because I was staying with my mom so she got to spend a lot of time with him. If H had come he would have been the one watching DS while I was out and about. He would have made it 30 minutes into the reception and would have left anyway.

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_husband-refusing-wife-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:abd13fb0-91e0-43e0-a4d6-9a6ff01d9805Post:5655f139-283b-470c-8bdf-94dc43118503">Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM : I agree. I have a few girlfriends he doesn't particularly like, but not enough to make a huge stink about how he never wants to see them again. But then, that's just not his personality. So maybe it's a difference in how people handle things.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I agree with you Mery. My DH doesnt really not like anyone I associate with in my life, but he's not one to make a big deal out of anything if he didnt like them. It's called being an adult.

Bubbalub

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_husband-refusing-wife-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:abd13fb0-91e0-43e0-a4d6-9a6ff01d9805Post:d9c1379c-bc69-46ed-a180-3803ffabf7bd">Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM : This. There is no reason that H and I need to keep the same social calendar.  If he doesn't want to go to a wedding then whatever, he's not my child, I don't have to make him.  When people ask where he is I'd probably say he had other plans that day.  It's not a big deal, and certainly isn't something that one should dwell on.  This isn't like when your middle school boyfriend didn't want to take you to the school dance.  That was serious business.
Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]

Well said. I agree.

MissDuke2012

FI was a groomsmen in a wedding and I didn't attend because I didn't like the bride.
No big deal.

missy68

There are a couple of people in the biking group J's in, and I hate being around them.  I never asked him to choose them or me, but he and another friend DID decide to try out another group. But - once a pirate, always a pirate.
I'd never do that, but I might not hang out with them in situations where I'd be interacting as much with those two.
I'm sure if we lived near any of my girlfriends, there are some he wouldn't like - I can think of two or three in particular. But, he wouldn't stop me from hanging out with them.
Its being a grownup.

Blueyed228

I have been to plenty of weddings without FI.

If he hated the groom I would be happy he didnt want to go.  I would be more embarrassed if he went and said something rude, than if he didnt go at all.

[Deleted User]

I think it's sad that she can't go to the damn wedding alone. In fact, I'd rather my H stay at home than run the risk of something happening as a result of this hatred if I were her. And I would probably tell my H to stop being a fucking girl about the whole thing.

PsyDet 2155

So I wonder how your FI/Hubby would handle this situation and how you would feel about it FI' desicion not to go.

My fiance gets along with pretty much everyone so if he refused to go because he disliked someone so much, I would probably not go as well.  However, if I was a bridesmaid in the wedding, I would just go by myself.

brookelynpaisley

My husband would probably suck it up, but I would never ask him to. IIf he hates someone, I wouldn't ask him to do something he's not comfortable with. I would just plan to go to the wedding and stay as long as needed until I could sneak away. I think the friend saying this is unforgiveable is going just a huge tad overboard. Can't she just say he's sick or was unable to make it or had plans to any family that might ask? Or let him answer for himself if he's not willing to give and suck it up for 5 hours for his own wife.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_husband-refusing-wife-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:abd13fb0-91e0-43e0-a4d6-9a6ff01d9805Post:aaaa5f8f-5364-4e4d-90b7-8cbc39a9952e">Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Husband refusing to go when wife is a BM : We tried to convince him he would have fun avoiding the guy.<strong> The groom doesn't know the husband doesn't like him.</strong> There will be plenty of people there that Husband could hang out with. I think she is upset now, but will eventually forgive, but probably not forget.
Posted by Y I Oughta[/QUOTE]

Oh wait. So it's not even like there's a mutual hatred or rivalry? He's being stupid then. They're both seriously lame.

sarah0725

I don't think this would ever happen with me and FI, but I'd be kinda pissed if it did. I've definitely been to weddings without him, but it was because he had to work, or because it would have been too expensive for both of us to travel, or reasons like that. If he had a free weekend, though, and sat at home being a grumpagus while I went off without him, I'd think he was being a stupid baby.

Likewise, if he were going somewhere and asked me to be his date, and I were free and able to go, I would go, no matter what the company would be. We support each other through awkward social situations, and we're both pretty good at it.