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just caught fiance flirting via text w/ an ex coworker...

:( My fiance and i have been together for almost 2 years, got engaged in may, we lead a busy, somewhat dull, but very happy life. We live together and have been for over a year. He works with all guys except there was this one girl. He is a friendly and respectful person so his female friend dont bother me (and i know most of them b/c he introduced us.) This girl at his work just gave of a weird vibe, and i asked him not to text her and explained why i felt that way, he agreed without any fight, and we went right back to being us. (aka nothing has really changed in our day to day or interactions) Today he handed me his phone to read some funny text from a friend, as im scrolling through a i see "Hello Darling :)" from her. I brush it off but ask him about it. He says he taxted her saying hey this morn but didnt talk to her. He seemed... 'off' so i looked at his sent box and it read "good morning beautiful ;)" i flipped out. its just not like him! he says he doesnt know why he said it, he felt horrible so he didnt respond to her, i know he feels horrible.

I am really hurt b/c she is skinnier and i think prettier than me, and i feel like total trash right now. I also feel like im over reacting (i have locked myself in our bedroom for about 3 hours now) tried to talk to him, but got really upset, yelled, cried, ran upstairs. He is cleaning the whole down stairs (he doesnt usually clean)
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Re: just caught fiance flirting via text w/ an ex coworker...

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    1. You are not trash. I don't know you but don't say that about yourself!

    2. You are not overreacting at all. He should not be texting another woman saying, "Hello beautiful".

    3. He's trying to kiss yourass. Don't let this go so easily. He is planning on cheating on you.
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    playtntsbpg30playtntsbpg30 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited June 2010
    get out while you can.. seriously.. texting/internet.. bad bad bad..
    My now ex was texting this chick, he kept insisting it was nothing. I had full view of the phone bill and they were texting 100 texts in a days' time if not more. and I text A LOT and that was more then I was texting him. It was more then just casual friend talk. Being now they are dating. 

    Go to counseling, stop planning(spending) on the wedding for a little while. Try to work it out. Put your foot down. This is not right. A line has been crossed and I know I have nothing really great to offer you but my anger toward my situation.

    But I wish you the best in it. And whatever you do, go with your gut feelings. If you ever feel sick to the stomach while having that little arugement, go with that feeling, and leave or put demand on not text/caling.
    Sorry not the best in explaining what I mean. It's very hard, and heartbreaking.

    Edit-I agree with Rach
    If you want to know anything feel free to PM me.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-caught-fiance-flirting-via-text-w-ex-coworker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bad8a9df-bfd4-40cc-8191-149f927fcfebPost:d72689e9-f7e4-40c8-85e4-298c7a2b8b8b">Re: just caught fiance flirting via text w/ an ex coworker...</a>:
    [QUOTE]1. You are not trash. I don't know you but don't say that about yourself! 2. You are not overreacting at all. He should not be texting another woman saying, "Hello beautiful". 3. He's trying to kiss yourass. Don't let this go so easily. He is planning on cheating on you.
    Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

    Sign my name to this.
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    I am so sorry this is happening to you BTW!
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    First of all, don't measure your self worth by this butt-head move of his. It has nothing to do with who is skinnier, and if he tells you that, or makes you feel like that, then he's an ass. Plain and simple.

    You need to talk to him about it. Yes, it hurts, and I'm sorry. But you certainly need to talk to him about it. You need to use your words to tell him how it made you feel to read that. He needs to understand that. Then you have to decide, based on your relationship, if you want to accept his apology. He will need to earn your trust again, but you get to say if you are going to give him that chance or not.

    We can't tell you what you should do, because only you know your history and your relationship, but I know from experience that this can rock your world. I will also tell you from experience that you should resist the urge to blame yourself or connect your body image ot his actions. That is a downward spiral that I don't wish on anyone.
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    1 ) You are worth more than this, and you are not trash.

    Dh and I started out by texting because I was in a serious conversation. By the time the texts got to "Hey beautiful" the relationship was emotionally done for me and I was just picking the right time to get out. We texted so that my then bf wouldn't hear me talking on the phone (he had a tendency for violence).

    Get out now, run and don't look back. It will be worth it I promise.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-caught-fiance-flirting-via-text-w-ex-coworker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bad8a9df-bfd4-40cc-8191-149f927fcfebPost:77533b55-3d37-4855-8e01-b1cc502d6638">just caught fiance flirting via text w/ an ex coworker...</a>:
    [QUOTE]:( My fiance and i have been together for almost 2 years, got engaged in may, we lead a busy, somewhat dull, but very happy life. We live together and have been for over a year. He works with all guys except there was this one girl. He is a friendly and respectful person so his female friend dont bother me (and i know most of them b/c he introduced us.) This girl at his work just gave of a weird vibe, and i asked him not to text her and explained why i felt that way, he agreed without any fight, and we went right back to being us. (aka nothing has really changed in our day to day or interactions) Today he handed me his phone to read some funny text from a friend, as im scrolling through a i see "Hello Darling :)" from her. I brush it off but ask him about it. He says he taxted her saying hey this morn but didnt talk to her. He seemed... 'off' so i looked at his sent box and it read "good morning beautiful ;)" i flipped out. its just not like him! he says he doesnt know why he said it, he felt horrible so he didnt respond to her, i know he feels horrible. I am really hurt b/c she is skinnier and i think prettier than me, and i feel like total trash right now. I also feel like im over reacting (i have locked myself in our bedroom for about 3 hours now) tried to talk to him, but got really upset, yelled, cried, ran upstairs. He is cleaning the whole down stairs (he doesnt usually clean)
    Posted by honeybear9311[/QUOTE]
    Yea I'd be pissed. I'd have a serious talk with him and go from there. He needs to realize thats not okay and WHY its not ok
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    Not good.  At the very very least, he's getting his little kicks and a thrill out of her attention.  What she looks like isn't important, I'm sure - this is not about you, it's not even about her - it's about him.  And what an immature baby he is and the kind of validation he needs and would go behind your back to get.  You are right to be pissed and to take a good, hard look at what, exactly, he is looking for. 

    You deserve better. 
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    Please don't put yourself down.  You are not overreacting, he is an engaged man and should not be texting anyone "hello beautiful".  You need to get to the bottom of this before you move forward in this relationship. 
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    Yes Katie!  My H and I started out by texting. We had, had sex by then but the "Hey beautiful " stage is beyond kind of liking someone.
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    So I happened to be talking to one of my male friends and asked him "What does it mean when you text someone ' Hey beautiful'?"
    His response "Either I have seen her naked or I want to, what else would it mean."
    There you go.
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    Oh wow. That's awful. I would have Matt's balls in a blender if I saw a text like that. It definitely crosses a major line, IMO. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-caught-fiance-flirting-via-text-w-ex-coworker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bad8a9df-bfd4-40cc-8191-149f927fcfebPost:86a06069-a40c-4a65-aae1-84894c8c7600">Re: just caught fiance flirting via text w/ an ex coworker...</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is not good at all and I am so sorry you're going through this. He may think it's harmless to text "Hello Beautiful." to someone (I know a lot of guys who think it's perfectly fine.) but no, that is not okay at all and you made it obvious that it's not okay with you too. I mean, come on. A respectable man will never ever respond to a flirtatious text by someone other than their wife, girlfriend or fiancee. Fuuck that shiit. I don't know what he's trying to do but you need to have a serious talk with him. You're not overreacting at all and you have every right to get your as$ kissed by him right now. Also, why the fuuck does that chick have his number?
    Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]
    All of this. Spot on.
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    There is no legitimate reason why your FI should be texting "hey beautiful ;)" to another woman.  None.  Even if she texted him first, he should have ignored it or at the very least NOT responded with what he did.

    You are not overreacting and of course he feels horrible - he got caught!  You need to trust your female intuition, if you got a bad vibe from this girl and he's been acting "off" something is definitely up.  What does your gut tell you about him?  Do you honestly believe that it was just a dumb mistake or do you think this could be something more?

    Seek counseling.  If you want to stay in this relationship that is fine but you two have issues you need to work on in your relationship.  Not that I am advocating this but I think calling off a wedding is one of the bravest things you could ever do.  Whatever you end up deciding, good luck!

    Also, don't let some homewrecker make you feel bad about yourself.  She obviously has major issues and you are better than her.
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    I just re-read your post. Not only did he text what he did, but the fact that he texted her at all makes him a liar. He agreed not to, and then he did. So it doesn't really matter what the text was about.

    THis little circumstance, and the fact that you said nothing changed after you asked him not to text her, means that he was already messing around with her, and just continued to do so. Now I'm ready to castrate him for you.
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    im upset
    im hurt
    im mad
    and im actually very lonely, b/c he is the person i go to when i am in a bad space
    my d@mn car is in the shop so i cant even leave. I am embarressed to tell my friends, so they can pick me up. My family lives a 1000 miles away.

    And the entire weekend (FOR ONCE) is planned out involving other people. A linch date, a friends sons soccer game, a birthday I AM throwing at MY HOUSE, and to top it off... a prepaid canoe trip with our go to couple... (my belated bday present from them)

    And here I am on a wedding chat spilling out details, i wouldnt share with my mom, to all of you. I think it is time to throw the towel in on today and reasses tomorrow.
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    I'm so sorry this is happening to you!!

    I agree with just about all the PP.  My FI would be in deep sh*t if he did this.  I'd have an indepth talk with him about how your feeling and really evaluate if you think he's been doing more than texting (or planning to).  I also wouldn't stay with him unless he could prove that this was a one time, random, huge ass mistake and went to counseling.  Why does she have his number??

    Again so sorry.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-caught-fiance-flirting-via-text-w-ex-coworker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bad8a9df-bfd4-40cc-8191-149f927fcfebPost:3ff99955-373d-4df2-9066-ed966bb4b0ad">Re: just caught fiance flirting via text w/ an ex coworker...</a>:
    [QUOTE]And here I am on a wedding chat spilling out details, i wouldnt share with my mom, to all of you. I think it is time to throw the towel in on today and reasses tomorrow.
    Posted by honeybear9311[/QUOTE]

    To be honest though, it's a lot easier to spill your guts to complete strangers.  We don't know you or your FI, so we're not going to judge you whatever you decide.

    Spill your guts if you need to.  We're here to help (even if it just words of encouragement.)
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    I would kick his ass out. At least for the night.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-caught-fiance-flirting-via-text-w-ex-coworker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bad8a9df-bfd4-40cc-8191-149f927fcfebPost:057ce2e2-4f0a-4dfb-be19-a576efae5e21">Re: just caught fiance flirting via text w/ an ex coworker...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would kick his ass out. At least for the night.
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    For sure....
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    *hugs*
    I spill my guts here all the time. As mean of a rep as these boards might have these ladies have always been here for me when I needed good vibes or good advice.
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    Also.....he's a dumbass for giving you the phone to check a text from his mom when he's been texting her and left the messages on his phone.  What an ass.
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    I also spill my guts. These girls can be very supportive and caring.

    My heart goes out to you Honeybear!

    I agree with Cew, make him leave. He needs to be punished for his actions.
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    this is the best place to spill your guts.  Many women here have been through relationships that went sour and have good advice.  Keep on venting if it helps.

    I'm really sorry that this happened to you.
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    Shame on him.  That is crossing a definite line.
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    I agree with all the other PPs.
    If you do decide to try and work it out and believe whatever he would say to you. Just know, unless you can get that phone bill, the only way you will know if the texts stop. All he will do is start deleting. And the trust has gone down so far right now. It will be very hard for it to go back up. 
    I really hope you can figure things out. It is very hard, confide in your mom, and a good friend. They won't judge you, they love you and want the best for you. And in the end they will know it's the best you could do in whatever you decide.
    So sorry this is happening. < I didn't say it before.
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    First off, if there was a woman that I told DH not to text because it "didn't feel right", he just wouldn't do it. Just like if there was a guy that he told me not to text because he didn't like the vibes, it would never occur to me that it would be ok to text that person.

    Second, even if he was texting a girl I didn't have an issue with, him texting "Hey beautiful" to her would be crossing a huge line, and I would find myself having an issue with said girl.

    Don't feel bad about opening up here. The ladies here actually are great for positive vibes and good advice.

    I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this. Really, I am. You need to discuss this with him and determing whether or not you want to move forward with him or break up. Whatever you decide, please at least stop working on the wedding plans for the time being. If you have to call off the wedding entirely later on, there is absolutely no shame in that.

    You need to work through this with a clear head ... but please, don't feel like this is in some way caused by her being "skinnier" or "prettier" than you. You don't need to compare yourself to some girl who's so desparately insecure that she needs to get attention from another woman's fiance just feel good about herself. And no matter what your FI has said or done, the fact that she's either trying to get his attention or that she's keeping his attention, really just makes her the trashy one, because a good woman, wouldn't be flirting/involved with a man who's engaged to somebody else.

    But as somebody who has been cheated on (Not by DH, but in another serious relationship), I'm kind of getting the same feeling SarahP is, that he was already texting her like that before you said you ever even mentioned you didn't want him talking to her. Something is definitely not right here, and I really don't think that this was a one-time offense. Do not take something like this lightly, do not be so easy to forgive him. If you decide to forgive, it better be because you both did some serious soul-searching and had some counseling and he essentially worked his ass off to earn being forgiven.

    I wish you the best.



    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    Forget about this beeotch being "prettier" or "skinnier" than you. She is a TERRIBLE PERSON for messing with someone else's spoken-for man. Shame on her and shame on him.
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    i don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said, but i will reiterate that your FI is a douche for doing this and i hope he accidentally crushes his balls in a vice at some point tonight. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_just-caught-fiance-flirting-via-text-w-ex-coworker?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bad8a9df-bfd4-40cc-8191-149f927fcfebPost:87e9890e-3cf8-4389-ade9-f3cbd67e3299">Re: just caught fiance flirting via text w/ an ex coworker...</a>:
    [QUOTE]i don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said, but i will reiterate that your FI is a douche for doing this and i hope he accidentally crushes his balls in a vice at some point tonight. 
    Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]


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