my family is CRAZY!

Tygrlily5

I just have to vent...

My FI is amazing, and my family approved of me dating him from the start. We were engaged 6 months from when we met, which my mom wasn't too happy about (thought it was too fast).  We moved on from there, however, because she made my FI and I move the date of our wedding from May to November.  That was a problem, but we got over it and have been planning for Novemeber with much excitement. We've been doing counseling with the church we're getting married at, making sure we're not rushing, etc.

Well, my 2 older brothers decided that they need to meet the family of my FI.  My FI's brother lives in our area, but the two of them are not really close.  So, my brothers found the contact information for my FI's brother - got his address, and phone number.  One night (9 p.m. on a weeknight), they went to the address that was listed for my FI's brother, but he wasn't there because it was an old address and he had moved since then and left his old roommate behind.  Then they decided to call him twice asking him to hang out with them.  Meanwhile, my FI and I had no idea about this until we got an angry call from the brother asking why this happened.

Aside from coming off as completely insane, they (and my mom) think that they did nothing wrong!  They don't understand why my FI is upset, as well as myself.  The whole fact that my family made us move the wedding back 6 months put a strain on the whole in-law relationship, and now they're just making it worse by bringing in my FI's brother.

Can I just elope?  Please?

skippylouwho

How old are you that your mom could "make" you move your wedding? Are you young enough she has to sign so that you can get your license?

Tygrlily5

Haha good point - well, she didn't make me move my wedding.  But she would have just been a terror to live with if I didn't, so we just went along with it.

She actually lives with me.  Long story, but I'm helping her with her bills, etc.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:baf36aed-f573-4f45-8565-f36c620981ffPost:273b2cf8-e33b-4ba1-bf71-540d8c0b1001">my family is CRAZY!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just have to vent... My FI is amazing, and my family approved of me dating him from the start. We were engaged 6 months from when we met, which my mom wasn't too happy about (thought it was too fast).  We moved on from there, however, because she made my FI and I move the date of our wedding from May to November.  That was a problem, but we got over it and have been planning for Novemeber with much excitement. We've been doing counseling with the church we're getting married at, making sure we're not rushing, etc. Well, my 2 older brothers decided that they need to meet the family of my FI.  My FI's brother lives in our area, but the two of them are not really close.  So, my brothers found the contact information for my FI's brother - got his address, and phone number.  One night (9 p.m. on a weeknight), they went to the address that was listed for my FI's brother, but he wasn't there because it was an old address and he had moved since then and left his old roommate behind.  Then they decided to call him twice asking him to hang out with them.  Meanwhile, my FI and I had no idea about this until we got an angry call from the brother asking why this happened. Aside from coming off as completely insane, they (and my mom) think that they did nothing wrong!  They don't understand why my FI is upset, as well as myself.  The whole fact that my family made us move the wedding back 6 months put a strain on the whole in-law relationship, and now they're just making it worse by bringing in my FI's brother. Can I just elope?  Please?
Posted by Tygrlily5[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:baf36aed-f573-4f45-8565-f36c620981ffPost:03586585-2ba7-4aaa-bcc5-b3c7f68d38e1">Re: my family is CRAZY!</a>:
[QUOTE]Haha good point - well, she didn't make me move my wedding.  But she would have just been a terror to live with if I didn't, so we just went along with it. She actually lives with me.  Long story, but I'm helping her with her bills, etc.
Posted by Tygrlily5[/QUOTE]

Your FI is okay with mommy calling all the shots? Is she going to live with you after the wedding too?

nyrek

If she lives with you, and you're paying the bills, you call the shots.  It may be time to grow up and cut the cord a bit.  Tell the family to back the hell off or they wont be welcome around.

If you want them to respect you as an adult...you need to set up some boundaries PDQ.

Good luck with everything.

debdebdol

They definately overstepped their boundaries, I would have been pissed too.  Why do they have to meet his family?  What if they didn't approve?  Then what?

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:baf36aed-f573-4f45-8565-f36c620981ffPost:80672f61-0427-41ef-8da8-249c321e8107">Re: my family is CRAZY!</a>:
[QUOTE]They definately overstepped their boundaries, I would have been pissed too.  Why do they have to meet his family?  <strong>What if they didn't approve?  Then what?
</strong>Posted by debdebdol[/QUOTE]

My guess? She would have called off the wedding, otherwise they'd have just been a terror to live with, so she would have just gone along with whatever they wanted. You know, instead of growing a spine.

FutureMrsJGraves

Wow, I am sorry your brothers are so crazy, and I can understand moving your wedding back at your mother's request. (sometimes its just better than dealin with the headache of a pissed off MOB)

It might be too late for this, but ask your FI brother if he would feel comfortable in going out to dinner with you, your FI, and your family. They might have blown it already with him, but it might be worth it to try.

felicia220

That is crazy.  I would have my brother's apologize to my FI's brother.  

Tygrlily5

Well, I don't have a problem with them meeting his family (his parents are half way cross the country so it's made it impossible) so the only possible chance of my family meeting any of my FI's family was through my FI's brother.  And my FI's brother is moving in two weeks to the west coast too...

Yep, definitely time to cut the cord.  They're giving me hell for just being vocally upset about it.  I'm not planning on backing down on it.  I guess I'll just have to put up with it for another 8 months until we're married.

And no, mommy is not living with us when we get married.  Thank God!

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:baf36aed-f573-4f45-8565-f36c620981ffPost:02644ad9-8494-44de-acec-e81b6bb0962c">Re: my family is CRAZY!</a>:
[QUOTE] Yep, definitely time to cut the cord.  They're giving me hell for just being vocally upset about it.  I'm not planning on backing down on it.  I guess I'll just have to put up with it for another 8 months until we're married.
Posted by Tygrlily5[/QUOTE]

Ah yes, because it's common knowledge that all of this behavior will stop once you slide that ring on your finger. Wedding rings are magic like that -- they change <em>everything</em>.

suz62984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_family-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:baf36aed-f573-4f45-8565-f36c620981ffPost:03586585-2ba7-4aaa-bcc5-b3c7f68d38e1">Re: my family is CRAZY!</a>:
[QUOTE]She actually lives with me.  Long story, but I'm helping her with her bills, etc.
Posted by Tygrlily5[/QUOTE]

Guess what!!! This is why she "made" you move your wedding. Seriously? It seems to me that she's just trying to get an extra 6 months of bills and rent from you(at least this is what my crazy family would do).

This is one of those things that everyone is going to have to get over. Just tell them that it was extremely rude to just show up to someone's house that they don't know(in my town you might get shot doing that-seriously!). Let them know that if they want to meet the family you will introduce them but until then keep to themselves and stop being nut jobs.