So I am a month away from my wedding, and 3 weeks away from flying to it (I live in WA state, but I'm flying back home to Toronto for my wedding. I am relatively calm and cool, but underneath I'm a little pissed and dissapointed.
All throughout this planning its basically gone like this: I come up with an idea, I discuss with fiance and MOH and get feedback I appreciate. Then someone tells other family members on either side about these little things, or friends invited to the wedding, and then there is a relative storm of smart ass comments, negative feedback or opinion about my idea, and I have to hear about it day in and day out.
The other part of it is that I will say I want something a certain way, or only certain people invited, or the design of something a certain way, then I get about 1 day of feeling like I was heard, and then poof! someone else drops in and heavy hands it and changes the plan or the guest list or the design, and then I'm told by the masses to just back off and let it be, because it will make that person happy, and in turn that makes my wedding less stressful. Well its not working. I'm pissed. And I've told those people that I am.. well some not directly, cause one of the worst opressors is my FIL who is just used to getting his way, and people don't want me to ruffle his feathers lest he do something worse to ruin the day.
I guess you want examples: 8 people were invited by phone by FIL 1 mth to 2 mths AFTER the invites were sent out, 2 are friends of the grandparents, 4 are cousins of FIL who he hasn't spoken to in 15 yrs, and 2 are FIL sister and daughter who have directly affected my and FI's life by demanding money, legal help, and generally ruining FI's family (killed dogs at their home, ruined their adjoining apartment they offered them to live in for free, sucked thousands of $$ from them over 2 yrs). So I refused to allow them to come and celebrate with us, when all I want to do is scream at them and deport them.
Then there is my own mother who has been so caught up in her separation from my dad from 5 years ago that she has not been a mother to me in that time, I've been the one who is there for my younger siblings. Yet she feels entitled to tell me I need to make her feel more important in the wedding, and I should do all these nice things for her the week before, and I'm thinking, no, maybe you shouldn't have run off to the middle east to run away from life, or treated your kids as scapegoats for all your mistakes and bad choices.
So ppl have just told me its normal for weddings to be taken over by family and friends and you just smile and nod. But I've done that a lot in life, and I like to think that MY WEDDING is a time I get to stick with what I want. Thoughts?
