Snarky Brides

Sister has been disinvited (rant and advice needed)

I was really hoping throughout my engagement I would not have to post this but it happened.  Yesterday I had a wonderful engagement party.  Lots of friends and family came and everyone had fun.  Then at the end of the night, I went to go say goodbye to my sister and she started to go off on me.  I just walked away.  Then between being exhausted and realizing that this was MY wedding and I was not going to let hear ruin it.  I turn around and walked back to her and told her that she is not invited to our wedding and that she was not going to ruin my wedding day.  I was over with her bull $%#% and her selfish ways.  The way she treated my mom and I were wrong and it is done and over with.  And then I walked away.  I went and told my FI what I had done.  His jaw was on the ground for the first 5 minutes.  He said “okay”.  He knows all the drama that there is around my sister and is very supportive and watches out for my mom as well.  After my sister (who by the way is 12 years older than me) left, my FI checked my mom and all was good.  Fast forward 12 hours, on our drive back home, my older brother called and told me he heard what happened and he FULLY supported us in our decision not to invite our sister.  I was actually surprised that he was so supportive and told me there was going to be a lot less drama.  Brother also said that we would not have to watching over our shoulders all day to see what she was drinking or saying.  

 

Sorry for the rambling but I had to vent.  So the question is, am I a bridezilla since I do not want my sister at my wedding?  Is there a rule that even if my sister will ruin my wedding, do I still have to invite her?  I hope all you ladies had a lot less drama this weekend.

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Re: Sister has been disinvited (rant and advice needed)

  • yes and yes
  • what happened to make her go off on you? 
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  • I need a lot more info before I can answer your question. It sounds like you kind of flew off the handle and made a very rash decision by telling her she wasn't welcome at your wedding.

    Why did she go off on you? What has she done to your mom?
  • More details are definitely needed
  • More details are very much needed here.

    Having had a perfectly terrifying sister, I understand you may well have a lifetime with of horror with this person and maybe you just called a halt to it. In which case-I applaud you. My sister had many issues that many of us tried for many years to help her with to no avail. She never needed a reason to go off on anyone, it just happened. To everyone who knew her. All the time.

    IF that is your situation, that's one thing. I would say to "yes and yes" don't judge until you have been there. Borderline personality and alcoholism makes for one wild ride...

    IF on the other hand you just made a big emotional decision to exclude her, you need to undo that ASAP. 

    Details indeed!
  • My sister, who is also 12 years older than me, has definitely made me want to uninvite her on many occasions.  Even without further details, I feel your pain, big time.

    I too am curious what's going on though.
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  • Sounds like a situation with my sister. Every time we get together she becomes verbally and often physically abusive to me, and this past family visit she also turned her crazy on our mom.

    But there is no way I would uninvite her to the wedding. I feel like that would just be me throwing fuel on the fire for her.

    Without more details, and probably even with, I'd say you're making a rash decision and you might want to sit down and think of the implications this will have on your relationship with your sister. Even if it's already bad, it's about to get a whole lot worse if you stick to your guns on this.

    I'm just going to ignore my sister on the big day. She is welcome to come, and I will be polite to her, but I doubt there will be much interaction.

    Chrissy & David -- 10/10/10

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  • Without further details provided on your part all I can say is that not inviting her asks for more drama than just sucking it up and inviting her.

    But, like I said, if you provided more info maybe my answer would change.
  • I don't care how terrible your sister is, it still doesn't make "disinvited" a word.
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  • God almighty, I hate it when they don't come back and explain.

    Without more detail, you are definitely a nasty bridezilla and you will regret your decision. Good luck!
  • Since she didn't come back, I'm going to assume that this dispute is over a space ship and airbrushed c0ck and balls.
  • I think disinviting isn't enough.  I think a flaming bag of dog poo on the front porch will really drive the "you are no longer invited" message home. 
  • Good idea, jme. Or she could carve a pumpkin, stick a knife in it and attach a note that says "you". The sister probably won't come to the wedding out of fear that she will be stabbed in the head. Problem solved.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-disinvited-rant-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c9760e82-2b5b-4375-a7b8-a050b41685faPost:0fb89403-1dba-43a2-9098-137b0fc629d1">Sister has been disinvited (rant and advice needed)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was really hoping throughout my engagement I would not have to post this but it happened.   Yesterday I had a wonderful engagement party.   Lots of friends and family came and everyone had fun.   Then at the end of the night, I went to go say goodbye to my sister and she started to go off on me.   I just walked away.   Then between being exhausted and realizing that this was MY wedding and I was not going to let hear ruin it.   I turn around and walked back to her and told her that she is not invited to our wedding and that she was not going to ruin my wedding day.   I was over with her bull $%#% and her selfish ways.   The way she treated my mom and I were wrong and it is done and over with.   And then I walked away.   I went and told my FI what I had done.   His jaw was on the ground for the first 5 minutes.   He said “okay”.   He knows all the drama that there is around my sister and is very supportive and watches out for my mom as well.   After my sister (who by the way is 12 years older than me) left, my FI checked my mom and all was good.   Fast forward 12 hours, on our drive back home, my older brother called and told me he heard what happened and he FULLY supported us in our decision not to invite our sister.   I was actually surprised that he was so supportive and told me there was going to be a lot less drama.   Brother also said that we would not have to watching over our shoulders all day to see what she was drinking or saying.     Sorry for the rambling but I had to vent.   So the question is, am I a bridezilla since I do not want my sister at my wedding?   Is there a rule that even if my sister will ruin my wedding, do I still have to invite her?   I hope all you ladies had a lot less drama this weekend.
    Posted by soccerkris[/QUOTE]

    I would remove either your bio or change the thing on your ticker so that your husbands name is not out for everyone to see.

    What did she do? I think this was probably a bad idea.
  • Cew, what are you crazy? Pumpkins aren't in season right now.
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  • Ooh. You're right. Okay. Change it to a watermelon.
  • The only way my sister would be no longer welcome at my wedding would be if I caught her doing the hibity dibity with my FI the night before.

    She is your sister, what could she have possibly done to warrant this?

    Listen, if I dont get to disinvite the bitchc*ntwhore that keeps booking things the same day as my wedding stuff, then you dont get to disinvite your sister.  Hmph.Yell
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  • uhhh wow???? major bridezilla.......and I love how you dont even come back to explain further, but want advice??? hmm.....good luck and good luck to your hubby!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-disinvited-rant-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:c9760e82-2b5b-4375-a7b8-a050b41685faPost:8486d619-6af4-4063-9f4b-7afa35e5514a">Re: Sister has been disinvited (rant and advice needed)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't care how terrible your sister is, it still doesn't make "disinvited" a word.
    Posted by FutureMsAlexander[/QUOTE]
    This.  I was wondering if anyone was going to ask the most important question.
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  • Disinviting a sister is huge. I worry you will regret doing this later on in life.
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  • I think she needs to be invited. Just because you have differences or don't always get along, she is still family. There's nothing wrong with not wanting her there or disliking her but she still needs an invite.
  • Your wedding is a year away.  Hopefully within the year you'll be able to settle everything.
  • Since you didn't come back to explain I'm going to assume you're being a bridezilla biitch who was jus worried that she'd make you look ugly because she's prettier than you.

    I could never uninvite my own sibling, if even just for the fear that I know my parents would never let me live it down.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • If this becomes a hot topic, I'm going to stab myself in the face.
  • :Nods in agreement:

    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • Sorry ladies I did not respond sooner.  I was traveling yesterday and the battery in the laptop died.  Here is the history with my sister.

    She is a very unstable person.  At both of my brothers weddings she got drunk and acted so unbelievably bad.  In the last 6 months she has gone off on our mother several times including writing nasty emails.  I am in the middle because I hear both sides.  I wrote my sister a few months ago to stop it and that she was acting in a manner that both of her fathers would be rolling over in their graves (her biological dad and my dad adopted her but we have the same mom (brady bunch family)).  She is the one who always has to have the attention on her.  On the day of the party, not once did she ask how I was or anything. Throughout the party she asked my older brother if she was behaving and the answer was yes because she did not have anything to drink.

    Then the throw down happened.  Everyone had left and I went to give my sister a hug goodbye (trying to be nice).  She states that she is mad at me and I told her that was a mutual feeling.  She then stated saying I was a lier and that she cannot believe I am such a bitch and I walked away.  That is when I turned back around and let her have it.  The rest of it is that she came back to my mom's house and asked what the hell my FI problem is.  That is when he kindly asked her to leave.  Sister then proceeded to leave 2 very lengthy voicemails on my mom's phone that made my oldest brothers jaw hit the floor.  After big brother heard the messages is when he called me and told me he supported my decision and that we should not have to babysit her all day or wonder who she is talking to and who she is bad mouthing.  All of FI friends could not believe we were sister because as they called it "she is a nut job".  

    It has been years of her sucking the life out of all of us.  Bad behavior, bad attitude, just bad everything.  Before the party I was even questioning if I was going to invite her to the wedding.  The engagement party was the trial run.  And that exploded so that is why I made the decision.  I don't want to spend my day looking over my shoulder to see if she is drinking, who she is talking to and bad mouthing and who she is going to take out to her car and have sex with.

    Any more details you want?
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  • What did she do at your brothers' weddings? Have you ever just sat down and talked to her about your concerns?

    And yes, I still think you acted rash by telling her she couldn't come to your wedding. That is not a decision you make on the fly.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_sister-disinvited-rant-advice-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c9760e82-2b5b-4375-a7b8-a050b41685faPost:a6cec3e4-287c-4250-8546-2b978abba92c">Re: Sister has been disinvited (rant and advice needed)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry ladies I did not respond sooner.  I was traveling yesterday and the battery in the laptop died.  Here is the history with my sister.

    She is a very unstable person.  At both of my brothers weddings she got drunk and acted so unbelievably bad.  In the last 6 months she has gone off on our mother several times including writing nasty emails.  I am in the middle because I hear both sides.  I wrote my sister a few months ago to stop it and that she was acting in a manner that both of her fathers would be rolling over in their graves (her biological dad and my dad adopted her but we have the same mom (brady bunch family)).  She is the one who always has to have the attention on her.  On the day of the party, not once did she ask how I was or anything. Throughout the party she asked my older brother if she was behaving and the answer was yes because she did not have anything to drink.

    Then the throw down happened.  Everyone had left and I went to give my sister a hug goodbye (trying to be nice).  She states that she is mad at me and I told her that was a mutual feeling.  She then stated saying I was a lier and that she cannot believe I am such a bitch and I walked away.  That is when I turned back around and let her have it.  The rest of it is that she came back to my mom's house and asked what the hell my FI problem is.  That is when he kindly asked her to leave.  Sister then proceeded to leave 2 very lengthy voicemails on my mom's phone that made my oldest brothers jaw hit the floor.  After big brother heard the messages is when he called me and told me he supported my decision and that we should not have to babysit her all day or wonder who she is talking to and who she is bad mouthing.  All of FI friends could not believe we were sister because as they called it "she is a nut job".  

    It has been years of her sucking the life out of all of us.  Bad behavior, bad attitude, just bad everything.  Before the party I was even questioning if I was going to invite her to the wedding.  The engagement party was the trial run.  And that exploded so that is why I made the decision.  I don't want to spend my day looking over my shoulder to see if she is drinking, who she is talking to and bad mouthing and who she is going to take out to her car and have sex with.

    Any more details you want?
    Posted by soccerkris[/QUOTE]

    I get he feeling we'd get a very different story from your sister.  I don't understand why you allow her to get under your skin so badly.  Based on this post, I do think you're overreacting by not inviting her.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • Has anyone tried sitting her down and talking to her when she's sober and not at a party?


    This entire thing sounds like a great big bucket of tacky non-communication from both sides.

  • "Has anyone tried sitting her down and talking to her when she's sober and not at a party?


    This entire thing sounds like a great big bucket of tacky non-communication from both sides."  BecW2be


    Oh, I am hearing much more than "tacky-non communication" here. I am hearing raging alcoholic. If this raging alcoholic has been making an ass of herself for years and spewing hate at will, I am going to be the voice of dissent here and say keep her the bleep away from your wedding. The hell that families allow themselves to be dragged through for an alcoholic that will not or cannot deal with their problem is massive.

     

    NO, you do not have to be the human sacrifice to your sister's problems. YES  banishing her from your wedding will have lasting consequences, one of them maybe being that she gets one step closer  to dealing with herself. If she just hates you even more and does not speak to you, maybe, just maybe that is what actually needs to happen now.

     

     


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