Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.

nicepenguins

This is just a minor vent, but I had to say this because it's been bothering me. I am getting married in a few months and people keep saying to me "looks like you'll be a Mrs. soon enough!" snicker snicker or "going from Miss to Mrs!" It's cute, and I see the good intentions, and I smile.

But the vent is: I got my Ph.D a couple of months ago and it was a huge accomplishment. I am actually a Dr., not a "Miss." I don't mind the Mrs. (obviously, because I'm thrilled to be getting married!)  and I don't want to be one of those jerks who correct people by refusing to answer to anything but Doctor Nicepenguins. So I am venting here, on the internet, instead, and saying that DOCTOR Nicepenguins is very happy to become a married version of DOCTOR Nicepenguins. Because that is what is happening! 

Thank you for listening!

Steph0871

Personally, I think you can correct them (gently.)  It is a huge accomplishment to earn your Ph.D.  There's a reason you get your own title.

PetraStonegirl

IDK on this one. As big an accomplishment as is it (and it is, congratulations), I'd be more prone to only use Dr. Nicepenguins in my professional life. However, I''m glad to hear that you do realize that it's just people being excited for you and you haven't turned into the 'call me Dr, damnit' monster.

barbbhoww

I would be proud of my accomplishments too.  I'm not quite sure it is something I would be up in arms about.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Ha! I don't think it would be bad to say, "Well, I'll always be doctor, from now on, no matter what comes after it!" as long as you play it off in a joking way.

Not all PhDs use "Dr." as their title. (My FI does not, but my stepfather most certainly does), which is why it's always nice to check and see how a person prefers to be addressed.

Krysti21

I'd be frustrated too. I'm only applying to PhD programs at this point, so I'm still far from getting it, but I will be proud of the accomplishment, and you should be too!

It's probably a good move to just laugh it off though.

sarah0725

I get how you feel, but I wouldn't get too much in arms about it - people are just trying to be nice. I'm getting my Ph.D. and I'm not planning on taking FI's name in anything other than a purely social capacity (i.e. I will answer to his name if people address me by it, but that's it), but I don't get bothered if people suggest I'm going to become one of the (FIsLastNames) soon.

nicepenguins

Thanks, ladies! Excellent advice, as always!

I refrain from correcting most of the time but wanted to let loose my full doctor-ness in the safety of the knot.

Cheers!

nicepenguins

Also, congrats to all of you who are getting/have Ph.D.'s! Go team knot!

saschaduran

I love educated women, and agree that it is a huge accomplishment and achievement.

But I am glad you don't actually correct people in person, because if I ever called someone Miss Smith or Mrs. Smith or Mr. Smith and was corrected with "I am DR.  Smith", I would think they were a pompous ass.  Unless I am in the doctor's office, I don't refer to people as doctor.

zippityb

I am a notary, but I don't correct people when they just refer to me as just zippityb. I mean, I've got that stamp, but I don't let the power go to my head.

SarahPLiz

I'm with sascha. My sister is a PhD and I never address anything to her as Dr. I asked her how she wants her invitation addressed, but the only people who call her Dr. A are her students.

However, when I sent out my STD's, I totally spaced on the fact that my friend's BF is a PhD as well. I addressed the STD to Ms. Friend and Mr. Friend's BF. SHe threw out the envelope before he got home and mentioned to me later that he would rather be addressed formally as Dr. Friend's BF. Oops! SHe saved me on that one. Their invitations and escort card will definitley say Dr. now.

COngratulations to all you PhD people. Its an awesome accomplishment!

saschaduran

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:eb5395cb-a050-48a6-a812-67aac9e2acde">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]SHe threw out the envelope before he got home and mentioned to me later that he would rather be addressed formally as Dr. Friend's BF. Oops! SHe saved me on that one. Their invitations and escort card will definitley say Dr. now. 
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am just going to assume if he would get so upset that she needs to hide the envelope and throw it away, that he is a pompous ass.

</div>

SarahPLiz

No, I don't think he is a pompous ass, bit he is proud. I think he was a neurologist, but went into research instead of practice. I'm not entirely sure what he does now. He wasn't going to get violent or anything. It was just her preference to do that.

I am just glad she told me because I wouldn't want to to repeatedly address him incorrectly if he preferred to be addressed as Dr. FWIW, I just call him K to his face.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:8aa86183-1613-447c-a2bc-8d733163d815">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a notary, but I don't correct people when they just refer to me as just zippityb. I mean, I've got that stamp, but I don't let the power go to my head.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]
I feel stupid asking, but what does a notary get called? Notary zippityb? Please explain.

zippityb

I don't know, really. All I know is that you fill out a form and send the Notary Association a check and you're in. It's a very elite group of people, almost as elite as transit pass holders.

Steph0871

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:d97ace9e-b68a-4027-9130-4e3365b2d987">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know, really. All I know is that you fill out a form and send the Notary Association a check and you're in. It's a very elite group of people, almost as elite as transit pass holders.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

<div>Really? All along I thought you had a super elite test you had to take or something.  Damn. I want a fancy stamp (and title!) now, too.</div>

saschaduran

I'm sure he's proud, as he should be:)  

I wish I was a neurologist.

I like the idea of just using the first name.  That's how I do it.  I feel stupid calling anyone by a title and last name unless it is my doctor or a teacher.  I call everyone by their first names.  

zippityb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:c4fbf5b5-d987-45c2-ad06-303d466f7a64">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs. : Really? All along I thought you had a super elite test you had to take or something.  Damn. I want a fancy stamp (and title!) now, too.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

I think they might do a small background check, but other than that, it's nothing. The only bad thing about being a notary is that people are always making you notarize things.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:21248328-c3de-4889-838c-d0caccb1e724">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I don't think he is a pompous ass, bit he is proud. I think he was a neurologist, but went into research instead of practice. I'm not entirely sure what he does now. He wasn't going to get violent or anything. It was just her preference to do that. I am just glad she told me because I wouldn't want to to repeatedly address him incorrectly if he preferred to be addressed as Dr. FWIW, I just call him K to his face.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

If he's a neurologist, he's a M.D.  He should absolutely be addressed as doctor.

Friends of mine who have their Ph.D. go by Jane Doe, Ph.D.  None of them have ever been bent out of shape over not being called Dr. In fact, I don't remember a single college professor of mine who didn't have a medical degree being addressed as Dr.

Attorneys have a juris doctor and none of us get huffy over not being addressed as Jane Smith, Esq.

Nobody is saying that what you accomplished isn't significant.  Whether it was a doctoral dissertation, medical boards or a multi day long bar exam, we all worked hard to be where we are.  Try to keep a little perspective though.

rachel_elizabeth1124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:6e9e76d8-43f7-43a4-8438-595a420c4cac">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, congrats to all of you who are getting/have Ph.D.'s! Go team knot!
Posted by nicepenguins[/QUOTE]

<div>Here here!</div><div>
</div><div>You SHOULD be proud! That is a huge accomplishment. It also settles any gender biased confusing (miss, ms., mrs.).</div><div>
</div><div>My priest just got a Ph.D., and he now (jokingly) insists on being referred to as Reverend Doctor ______.</div>

rhodesign

Our nursing school profs were all PhDs and we called them by their first names. In the hospital we weren't allowed to call them Dr. because of the confusion with MDs. They didn't seem to care.

I want a doctorate! I'd love even a masters degree, but that all requires, you know, work. meh.

Midgie373

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:8aa86183-1613-447c-a2bc-8d733163d815">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a notary, but I don't correct people when they just refer to me as just zippityb. I mean, I've got that stamp, but I don't let the power go to my head.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]


I giggled when I read that b/c I had to get a notary stamp when I got promoted at work.  In VA you actually have to go to the courthouse and take an oath. 

didalittlejig

Pidg

nda_roxybabe

It drives me nuts when our patients or sometimes (rarely) Dr's correct me and say "Thats Dr" I get that your proud of yourself, I'm proud for you but its rude to correct. Trust me, if its marked in your chart or I realize, I'm going to call you by your proper title.

The worst was when I said "Mr Stephens" and he said "Who?" so I repeated myself and he was like "no.." then finally my friend whispered to me "Dr!".

thesuninherhead

I wouldn't hold it against those who presumed I was a Miss/Ms/Mrs, but I damn well will be changing all of my accounts etc once my PhD thesis is approved... I am rather looking forward to endlessly giggling at the bills that arrive addressed to, 'Dr and Mr K'. ha! 

sucrets4

To the best of my knowledge, phd's aren't addressed as dr. in social settings, so they're not actually being rude. 

526SadieSadie

I guess it's a personal preference.
My cousin and her husband both have their Ph.D and neither of them use Dr. but my mom's boss's wife uses her Dr. and definitely corrects people when they call her Mrs.

SteveandKris

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:21618fe9-8cfc-4aa7-87d8-6b5025c9c988">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]It drives me nuts when our patients or sometimes (rarely) Dr's correct me and say "Thats Dr" I get that your proud of yourself, I'm proud for you but its rude to correct. Trust me, if its marked in your chart or I realize, I'm going to call you by your proper title.<strong> The worst was when I said "Mr Stephens" and he said "Who?" so I repeated myself and he was like "no.." then finally my friend whispered to me "Dr!".</strong>
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

Seriously?  It would take a lot of self control for me NOT to say "get over yourself!"

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_minor-ventfrom-miss-mrs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ca36a003-25d3-488a-b6e6-abe6cafef1fcPost:d5899ea4-2497-4380-8dbe-f6b21a7cb2b1">Re: Minor vent...from Miss to Mrs.</a>:
[QUOTE]To the best of my knowledge, phd's aren't addressed as dr. in social settings, so they're not actually being rude. 
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

This. I mean, getting your doctorate is a big deal and all, but expecting friends and family to address you as Dr. Somebody on the daily is kind of pushing it. I'm thisclose to getting mine, and I know my friends will call me Dr. Beatlesgirl for fun once in awhile, but I would never expect anything more than that. Also, isn't there still the age-old conflict/pissing match going on between PhDs and MDs on who should be allowed to use "Dr.?"

I'm with Rho, all the professors at my school are PhD/PsyD's, but they prefer for us to call them by their first names so that it's a more collegial environment. I have my clients call me by my first name now and will probably do the same after I get my degree. It will be nice though to use my title in collateral contacts for my clients, because saying "this is Dr. Beatlesgirl calling for my client" won't make people wonder who I am or what my credentials are!

zippityb

Doctor isn't as impressive as Countess. Just saying.

Elegance is learned, my friend.