Snarky Brides
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Talk me out of feeling this way for a moment

Hi, this is me being post wedding irrational ex-bride, venting about crappy friends, how's it going?

So the wedding is done, the open house celebration is done, life is back to normal.  We're feeling more and more annoyed with 80% of our friends, though.  Only a about a dozen out of 50 came down for our celebration (it's an hour or less drive for almost all of them), none of them gave so much as a congratulations over fb.  I know it's stupid for me to feel irritated, because I'm sure there are a multitude of good reasons that made it hard to come down for a few hours (family happenings, work, awesome farming weather...), but I'm still irritated.  We always make a point to go to their weddings/showers/b-parties, to get up there several times a year to hang out.  We feel like we have crappy friends, and it's not worth the time and money we put into maintaining the relationships.  DH has been the most vocal about it, which is surprising because he's uncharacteristically worked up about it.

Alright, I'm done venting.  I just needed to gripe to someone about it whose feelings won't be hurt by it, and so I don't say anything that I may regret later.

Re: Talk me out of feeling this way for a moment

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    I don't think there's anything to talk you out of.  I understand why you're hurt over it because I would be as well.  It sounds like you're being rational enough to not flip out on the friends who slighted you, so I think you're safe.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
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    First off - congrats on your marriage :)

    I'd be sad if most of our friends didn't come - but this is because throughout our whole engagement, our friends have been really excited for us.  I'd be really surprised if they didn't come, or at the very least - an online or text message congrats. 

    Aside from actually calling them out though (which I would not advise), what can you do about it?  So you have crappy friends.  That's crappy.  I think you're justified in feeling crappy but there isn't much you can do to remedy the situation, right?
    panther
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    I'm there too. I didn't expect folks to come necessarily to Vegas, but a card would have been nice. Even from the 2 who DID come.
    Nope. One friend sent us a small package from the Popcorn Factory, and we got 2 gift cards around Christmas time.

    But one friend didn't even acknowledge she'd seen it - that is, until she needed a horror movie recommendation for her daughter's sleepover. A month later. And that was the last email I had from her. Even the Christmas card didn't say congratulations.
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    Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
    I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
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    This is a hard situation to be in - because I know you don't want to run around and talk about how you expect people to give you a card or a congrats for your wedding.  I feel like you know that that is pretty bratty.  But seriously - it would hurt my feelings if no one even said congrats. 

    I think you're justified in feeling the way you are.  And you're not being a total snot about it.
    panther
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    I'll admit we cut contact with some people after our wedding because of crap like this.  We invited a friend and her son.  When the friend didn't RSVP we contacted her and asked if she was coming.  She told us she couldn't come unless we extended the invitation to her 3 other sons, and granddaughter as well.  We wanted her there so we did that, and they all said they were coming.  Not a single one showed up, and none of them congratulated us in any way afterward.  It pissed us off and we stopped contacting her.  Apparently she didn't mind because she never tried to get a hold of us again.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
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    We felt the same way.  We reevaluated a bunch of friendships after the wedding.  i haven't spoken to 2 of my bridesmaids in months.
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    I think you're justified in feeling that way. My best friend from high school didn't make it to our wedding, and I was mostly sad she didn't get to be part of the celebration. But I was slightly irritated at some of our guests, who rsvp'd, didn't come and I found out their reasons, which were legit, but kind of ridiculous. And those were the people we didn't even get a 'congrats!' from. Overall, I was more disappointed, but I can understand where you're coming from.
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    That's why I'm trying really hard to rationalize it away somehow AATB, I don't want to run around AWing the wedding or guilt tripping people for not even a fb congrats, cause it is a pretty bratty thing to do and I would like to think I've come above being bratty.  It still sucks though.  Oh well, I guess we'll be able to save a bit more money if we don't go up there much anymore.  And thanks for congrats!

    Must be par for the course with DW, Missy.
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    same here. One of H's groomsmen was a total jerk and was so rude to us in the couple weeks leading up to the wedding and pulled crap the weekend of. We haven't talked to him since then and he hasn't tried to contact us.

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    I certainly know how you feel and think you're justified (I already bitched about this in the GM thread). H and I both feel like we have crappy friends at times. H gets upset that he doesn't get to see them very often, but then remembers that they never call him, he always has to be the one to initiate things. Same with mine. Either we are very unlikeable people, or we have crappy friends.

    I actually had the opposite problem. We had all of our 'friends' show up at the wedding, but maybe 2 of them have called H since then (many not even bothering to return multiple calls). So it pisses me off that I paid for people to eat at the reception who don't even respect us enough to return a damn phone call.

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    I have a "friend" like that. She was in my wedding in May and I was in hers the following September (09) and we haven't spoken since. For her wedding, her stepmom (who planned the entire wedding, including choosing the colors, flowers, etc) was the one who kep in contact regarding what time we should meet for pictures, etc.

    I have no hard feelings towards this girl, I just don't make any extra effort to reach out to her.

    It is true that pit bulls grab and hold on. But what they most
    often grab and refuse to let go of is your heart

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    edited October 2010
    Yeah but you're clearly not a brat so it's okay :)

    We have friends who are coming from Colorado, from Chicago, Washington, Wyoming, family traveling from Tennessee and California for our wedding.  I feel really, really honored and blessed that they would come when I totally understand that since they live far away, that they'd have a legit reason not to.

    Here's to hoping that in your new, married life - you find some better friends :)
    panther
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    We had one of DH's cousin's say she was coming to Hawaii with her daughter, had it paid for with the travel agent even.  We both fb'ed her a few times before we left asking for confirmation that they were for sure going so we could give the restaurant final numbers.  Not a peep.  Of course we accounted for her, and then forgot to change it with the restaurant, and got charged for the extra meals.  At least it made for good dinner the next night in our room.  She came to the party last weekend, but didn't acknowledge any of it.  DH is pretty pissed about that one.

    So it's not abnormal to reevaluate friendships after weddings.  I don't feel quite to bad about it now.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_talk-out-of-feeling-this-way-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:dcf54ee6-397c-453c-9432-5e4423d8cf19Post:222efdb6-1cca-466d-9cb8-c5054ecc775b">Re: Talk me out of feeling this way for a moment</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah but you're clearly not a brat so it's okay :) We have friends who are coming from Colorado, from Chicago, Washington, Wyoming, family traveling from Tennessee and California for our wedding.  I feel really, really honored and blessed that they would come when I totally understand that since they live far away, that they'd have a legit reason not to. <strong>Here's to hoping that in your new, married life - you find some better friends :)</strong>
    Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

    If it does anything, it makes it easier to try and find jobs to move to Hawaii!
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    Friends draw close and drift apart... That's how life is!  Congratulations on your marriage and house warming!!  These things happen, just be the better person, and think and act positively!

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
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    Aww sweetie! I'm sorry that your friends didn't make the effort to come to your at home celebrations. I'm also sorry that I missed you in Honolulu! So sad! 

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    Mocha, I completely understand. I think that for every wedding, the couple will lose at least one friend. It's sad, but it's true. I had 8 people cancel after i gave the numbers to the caterer, and 2 who said yes (and I talked to them a week before the wedding) not show up, with no message, no phone call, no card, anything. I had a friend cancel 9 days before the wedding due to an "emergency" (the same guy said he would pay for his plate for him and his uninvited +1 because we had already given our numbers to the caterer, but now avoids me like the plague. I wouldn't have taken the $$ anyway). Another cancelled because he didn't realize that the wedding was on a Jewish Holy day (we sent the STD cards 10 months early).

    We will definitely be reevaluating some friendships.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_talk-out-of-feeling-this-way-moment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:dcf54ee6-397c-453c-9432-5e4423d8cf19Post:4df207aa-79a7-4b27-9e7e-63dbbd13dca4">Re: Talk me out of feeling this way for a moment</a>:
    [QUOTE]Aww sweetie! I'm sorry that your friends didn't make the effort to come to your at home celebrations. I'm also sorry that I missed you in Honolulu! So sad! 
    Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

    I know, that was a bummer!  Boo for international texting/calling problems!  lol  I tried with DH's phone too and it wouldn't work.  Oh well, we tried!
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