FI and I have a dilemma BUT, he's currently at an Army school and I can't talk to him until June so I need your advice!! I'll try to keep this as short as possible...
FI has a much smaller extended family than I do and there is a bit of family drama on his side. His dream wedding would only include our parents and maybe closest friends.
I have a much larger family (about 50 aunts, uncles, cousins etc). But I still don't want a huge wedding. We easily decided on a vineyard wedding but cannot come to decision on the size!
I will be the second to last one to get married in my extended family and so far everyone has been invited to everyone else's wedding. These are all people I grew up visiting several times a year and its hard to think about having a wedding without them. But I still really like the idea of having something intimate and strongly feel that I only want people at my wedding who really want to be there to celebrate our marriage.
My parents are paying for the whole thing and they are being very generous with their budget. In my own life, I've never been rolling in the dough and can be pretty frugal. I think of everything in terms of how many groceries it would buy! Therefore, it's hard for me wrap my head around spending so much on one day. I know it will only happen once, and it's important but I still would rather spend a lot less than my parent's are offering.
I explained my guilt to my mother and she came back with: "well, you know, whatever you don't spend, you and FI can have". Thanks, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Now I feel that if I have a much smaller, cheaper wedding then I'm being selfish for keeping the rest of the money.
I'm already the black-sheep of the family, and I don't want to disappoint my parents again by having the only intimate wedding in the family even though my mom 'said' it's fine with her (my dad couldn't care less, he'll just show up).
Other information: it is also important to me to have the ceremony and reception on the same day, with the same guests. FI's parents have never met my parents and his father and my family couldn't be more different so sticking our families together for a weekend makes me really nervous.
Sorry it's so long! Bring on the snark...I want honest opinions as to what you all think about my sitation. And ask any Q's if you need more info! TIA!