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mil won't speak to me/thanksgiving drama

Hi all,

I don't know if any of this sounds familiar to any of you, but here goes...I'm more interested in learning whether anyone else has experienced this, because it just makes NO sense to me. Background: my MIL doesn't like me, but acts like she tolerates me. They stopped visiting my fiance when we started dating, and ignore me every time we visit. They act like this isn't the case, that "oh, we just don't know her," but whatever. They could have gotten to know me in 4.5 years. I'm pretty friendly to people.

My MIL emails my fiance with questions about every detail of the wedding, and has done so for several months. He just started a new job and is super overwhelmed in evenings and on weekends, but she keeps at him all the time. I work too, but I'm planning most of the wedding, so I can respond to questions easily. He has asked her to call/email me pretty much every time she asks something, but she ignores it and keeps at him.

Finally, he called her and asked her why she refused to call/email me. She said, "oh. I don't want her to think I'm nosy, besides, I don't have that kind of relationship with her." He mentioned that the way she treats me upsets him, and she shouldn't have a problem contacting me with basic questions about the wedding. She said, [I am summarizing]  "she's just a daughter in law, it's not like she's your sister. If she thinks I'm going to be close with her like your sister, she can forget it."  Wow. Okay, not exactly what I was asking for but a bit rude. She also said that she doesn't call her own mother in law, so why would she call me? [a bit heartless, as her MIL just lost her husband and could probably use a friend right now]. I don't think she understands the disparity here. She still treats us like "her son, plus that girl" instead of "the couple who are getting married."

My fiance was nice enough to say, "why don't you just be friendly to nicepenguins and ask her about herself? You might find you have things in common" MIL "what am I supposed to say to her? you're asking me to do too much!" Wow. Okay.

Here's the "awesome" part. He invited them for thanksgiving, a month before our wedding, when we have received exactly one registry gift for our kitchen and have just gotten rid of 50% of our furniture moving into a smaller place. He suggested they not come during their little blow-up, but then felt bad about it. So now they are coming. And we are incredibly busy (both teach at universities) and had only ordered a pre-prepared meal from honeybaked. So now I have this, shall we say negative, woman coming to my home (her husband is snobby, so they're quite a pair,) to sit on camp chairs and eat pre-prepared food four weeks before our wedding (which is the week before xmas). Every other recipe I see calls for an item from our registry and I am tempted to rush out and buy things so that I can prepare a proper thanksgiving, but we have no money to do this as it is all going to the wedding.

My questions are: do you know of any other MILs who are like this (FIL is similar, he just acts like he wishes I'd leave all the time)? And what would you do on thanksgiving if you were me? It seems like it is going to be a nightmare and that I'll end the day in tears after being called poor and pathetic by my inlaws, who like to make fun of everything about me that is less than they have (car, income, now a lack of dining room to eat in). I'm sick of wasting my time on people who don't care about me. This woman won't even ask me a simple question about our wedding, and I'm expected to bend over backwards for her?
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