Hey ladies,
I haven't posted here in a few weeks because of work (currently juggling 3 jobs!), but my wedding was on Sept. 10 and I'll have pics up soon.
I need advice with something, and although I am embarrased to post this, I get choked up every time my sisters and I talk about it.
My dad and my step mom have been togther for 13 years. Over the course of our relationship, she always treated my 2 sisters and me like her own children. She was very good to us, and despite a few family arguments, everything was wonderful. She and my dad drink every night after work. He has a few beers to unwind, but she starts pouring Captain Morgan and diet coke at 4 p.m. She has admitted before that she drinks a bit too much sometimes, but since she is a fully functional and productive member of society, I doubt she saw herself as an alcoholic.
She cried when I announced my engagement and immediately started begging that we have the wedding at their house (huge backyard, plenty of parking, gorgeous landscaping, and cheaper, of course!) and volunteered herself to help plan it, as well as make all of the food for 145 people. We talked daily and she and my dad spent countless days buying decorations, cooking the food, designing the table lay out, helping me with the seating chart, etc. I NEVER asked for or expected any of this help--she always eagerly offered (I'm the first to get married). Sometimes she would seem stressed, so 3 times during the planning process I offered to hire someone to help her. She told me "no" every time.
Fast forward to our wedding day. Everything was perfect--the weather, the back yard, the ceremony, my dress, the food, the decor, etc. However, stepmom started drinking right at cocktail hour (we only had beer, wine, and champagne because dad was afraid of the liability of "hard stuff"---the IRONY is coming later in the story) By the time pictures were over and we were announced into the tent, she was slurring her words so I asked her to slow down. As the night went on, she was visibly drunk--hanging all over people, yanking my Dad onto the dance floor when he was talking with people, dancing inappropriately, and all that. By the end of the reception, she could barely stand. One of my BMs has since told me that when she went in to change out of her dress about an hour before the DJ ended the night, she had to hold my stepmom up while she changed because she was so drunk.
Around 11:30 pm, there were just a few people left and hubby and I were exhausted. Since I barely had anything to drink all night, I was fine to drive to the hotel 3.3 miles away. I told my Dad I was going to, and he made sure I was fine for a few minutes, so hubby and I, as well as my birth mom, went back to the hotel. My sisters and their boyfriends, my BMs and their husbands, and a few other stragglers were still there when she came into the house screaming for everyone to "get the fvck out of my house that you all trashed". Most of my friends left, but my sisters stayed to help my Dad get her up to bed.
Apparently (I was back at the hotel and later heard all of this from my sisters and BMs) she was BLACK OUT drunk and just lost it. She began beating up my Dad--kicking him, slapping his glasses off his face, scratching his face, and punching his stomach. She was acting like she was possessed by the devil calling him a "piece of shiit, you're nothing, this is my house and my business" (he started the business years before even meeting her!) and when my sister went to intervene and break it up, stepmom lunged at her. My dad was able to grab her but she had her arm cocked and ready to fight. She then proceeded to call my sisters the "c" word, whores, the slvts and trash of our town, fat and need to lose weight, losers going no where in life, the cause of all of her and my dad's arguments, and (the worst of all because she always referred to us as her own) "{my birth mom's name} children". My youngest sister was hysterically crying and hyperventilating while she watched stepmom physically attack our father and then call them (and me, in essence) all of those horrible things. She went outside and called the cops when stepmom started to hit my dad again.
The police showed up and arrested her due to my father's obvious signs of physical abuse and the testimony of my sisters and BMs. She was charged with assault. As she was being cuffed and walked to the cruiser, she told one of the cops that my dad had loaded guns in the house (I'm assuming she was trying to get HIM in trouble because he stood up for my sisters during the whole fight and told her that she ruined a perfect day), so my dad had to show his gun license so HE didn't get arrested!
My sisters got back to the hotel at 2 am and told me the story (a cousin of mine had already bursted through our hotel door and gave me a bit of the story, so needless to say, I sat up worrying about my sisters and dad and we didn't consummate our marriage). We all cried together and my wedding night was ruined.
Stepmom spent the night in jail, and the next day we went back to my dad's house to check on him and talk about what happened. That morning, he had found two GALLON sized alcohol bottles with barely anything left in them that he had never seen before. Apparently, she was sneaking hard alcohol the whole night. When she was released from jail later that day, my dad made her come get her stuff and check into a 4 day detox. She has since been released and is attending counseling for her anger and obvious mental issues and AA for her drinking 4 times a week. My dad is trying to forgive, but is heartbroken that she destroyed our family like this. My sisters want nothing to do with her ever again--and frankly, I don't blame them. She hasn't contacted us (Dad told her she better not) and our dad now calls us from his cell phone and comes to where we live to visit.
I guess I'm just lost right now. I still can't figure out what triggered this. Maybe it was the stress of the whole day. Maybe it was seeing my dad and my mom (his ex wife) together and being civil to each other. However, I do now know how she REALLY feels about us, because I believe that a drunk person's words are a sober person's thoughts. She embarrassed me in front of my BMs, their husbands, and some co-workers of mine who were still there. I'm experiencing every possible emotion because of this.
Can our relationship ever come back from this? How do we begin to heal? How do I forgive her for what she did to my sisters, my dad, and me and hubby ON MY WEDDING NIGHT? What would you do?
**I promise this isn't MUD and I can PM anyone who doesn't believe me the link to our local newspaper's police log...