Living together = less wedding gifts?

SCbrideinTX

So, I was talking to my mom the other day about how I was a little surprised that we hadn't gotten more gifts from family that aren't coming to the wedding. She responded that a lot of people probably figured that since we lived together already we didn't really need gifts.That seemed strange to me since so many people live together before getting married these days, so I was just curious if anyone else ran into that? I'm not trying to be gift grabby, I'm just surprised b/c our family has always been quick to send gifts and cards whenever other big occasions have occured. And I know that this is a tough economy, so I completely understand.

emimayor

We received more gifts after our wedding from OOT guests than before. Most of our pre wedding gifts were cash and checks.

SCbrideinTX

Well when I say gifts, I am including cash. So far we've gotten one cash gift and one actually gift. I'm just wondering if my mom was on to something with the living together thing. Maybe the older folks are kind of offended by that?

fallbride1109

Did you register?  That really helps I think as it gives people a place to go and stuff to pick from.We have lived together since May.  I had a shower and got a ton of nice stuff, even though I tell anyone who will listen we don't need anything.  Also our honeymoon registry has been very well received and I have to keep adding stuff to it so people will have enough to choose from.

SCbrideinTX

We did register, but nothing has been bought off of our registry : ( My mom says that whenever people asks she tells them that we'd prefer cash, so we can work on our house, which of course is great too, but I'm thinking maybe no one even knows where we are registered. Our first and last shower is this Friday at my work. Since we've been planniing from so far away we weren't able to have any showers with our family and WP.

JustinandLindsay2009

also, since your wedding is not here - you'll probably get a lot of stuff at the wedding. I think some people may not want to pay shipping or just don't think of getting the gift until the week of the wedding.

SCbrideinTX

Oh yea, I figure that the local folks and the people who are coming to the wedding will just give us gifts there, I was thinking more of the 60% of our guests on our guest list that aren't coming. And of course they aren't obligated to get us anything, and I understand if they don't.

fallbride1109

Oh, well, my guess is you'll get a ton of cards/cash at the wedding!  I don't think living together has anything to do with it.  Was your registry on your shower invitations?  That helps too.

cherrrylll

Just be patient....you'll probably receive most of your gifts when your actual wedding is here.

SCbrideinTX

I really don't care about the gifts either way, I was just curious if you all thought the living together thing had anything to do with it. (Not that I really care because IMO I think living together before we got married was the best thing that we could have done.)Yep, our registry info was on the evite that my co-workers sent out.

Ludenbelle

To answer you question, no, living together did not equal less wedding gifts. Our dining room was filled from wall to wall with gifts and our card box was filled as well. I did have one shower with friends beforehand but the majority of our gifts were from the reception. We did receive a few in the mail prior to the wedding and several after the wedding as well.

Ludenbelle

whoops *your

almoyo

You've posted about the gifts more than once now, and it is making you seem gift-grabby to some extent. Just be patient. I'm sure you will receive plenty of gifts. And if you don't, remember that new knives aren't going to make marriage easier.

Mariah&Steven

And if you don't, remember that new knives aren't going to make marriage easier. So true.  Some people might not get you a gift.  Honestly, is it really that big of a deal?  No one is obligated to get you a gift.I realize that your real question here is that you're concerned that maybe you won't get gifts because you're already living with your FI. Honestly, I think it's up to your guests on why they haven't purchased anything off your registry.  And remember, the point of a registry is that it's a wish list of things that you need/want/etc.  It's not the be-all-end-all.  And you may get a lot of things that weren't on your registry.I think the thing to focus on here is that you should just be glad people are coming to your wedding to participate in such a special day with you.  If they bring a gift-great.  If not-they were there to witness an important moment between two people.And generally I've noticed that people don't go out and buy the gift until the week of, day before, day of the shower/wedding/etc.  Be patient and focus on the stuff that really matters.

JessTX

I have to tell you we had TONS of guests not get us gifts. I find it strange because I can;t imagine coming to or being inviting to a wedding and not give a gift (except for when financial circumstances make it impossible) but apparently it is more common than I thought and I have read it is ok etiquette to not give a wedding gift- who knew? But it is what it is. My gift was having my closest family and friends there with us. I honestly could have done with out some of the candle holders/vases/random stuff we did get. I am surprised you are concerned about this with time yet before your wedding.

Terriniski

We didn't get fewer gifts, but a lot of the people who didn't come didn't get us gifts. We did get a fair amount of cash/checks at the wedding, as well as some gifts (though we told my mom we'd rather have gifts sent to TX because hauling gifts home would have been tricky). Many gifts didn't come until the week of the wedding. In addition, some close family didn't get us gifts until way after the wedding. Be patient and maybe a few weeks after the wedding if people who are close and you know can afford a gift haven't bought one yet, just mention it to your mom in case someone says something. My aunt thought my uncle had ordered a gift, he thought she had ordered it, so mix ups happen - my mom just wanted to know as an FYI.

SCbrideinTX

I'm sorry if this came across as me complaining about not getting gifts, that's truly not what I intended this post to be. I would hope that anyone who knows me personally would say that I'm not a greedy or selfish person. The only reason that I've been thinking about gifts at all is because it has been a hot topic on my club board - with people talking about their showers and their excessive thank you cards, etc.. I knew that this had the potential of sounding gift grabby when I posted it, but I thought it might be an interesting discussion. I truly was curious if anyone had heard of people not getting someone a gift as way of showing that they don't support couples living together before marriage. Apparently, the answer to that question is no, and I won't bring it up again.I apologize if this didn't come across as I had intended.

wagnerj3

I would say that people are generally pretty lazy and/or last minute about giving gifts. I usually get a gift about 4-6 weeks before and am almost always the first person getting something off the registry (Unless there has been a shower). People always think I am insane because I get gifts so early. I think most people think about a gift a few days before, like, oh yeah that wedding, I need to get them something. The gifts will come!