FMIL at bridal luncheon?

bridgetlb

do you invite your FMIL or your mom or both to the bridal luncheon?

bsn1752

I was in a wedding last year that had a bridal luncheon... and yes, she invited both.  I don't know if that helps or hurts your cause, and I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this!  Can't we all just get along??

shortgirltx

I think it was very generous of you to invite her.  I'm sorry she has made this into what it is.  I say try to ignore her and if she comes, she comes if she doesn't, she doesn't.  Don't let her get you down and enjoy yourself.

Mariah09202008

I didn't invite my MIL to the bridal luncheon.  But I think if she's going to throw a big hissy fit, then I'd tell her it's her choice to come or not and if she feels like she should stay and "entertain" some grown women then it's no big deal and it won't hurt your feelings.

Tiffany618

Sounds like you wouldn't win either way.   I bet if you hadn't invited her she would have been offended, too.

Just tell her she is welcome to join you if her time permits, but if not, then no pressure and leave it at that.

tc1016

My FMIL is hosting my bridal lunch... my three bridesmaids, mom, stepmom, and grandmothers and FgrandmotherIL. Had I hosted it myself, I probably would have just invited my bridesmaids, but I think you can go either way.

Jeff and Deepthi

That's a tough position she's putting you in. I would have totally invited my FMIL. I'm trying to still working on getting her to fully like me, but I would hope she would feel honored if I invited her to my parties.

SoonToBeMrsHoz

Hmm. she wants you to apologize for inviting her?

So you just asked her to your lunch and she immediately started to yell and be mean? That's strange.. most people seems to at least build up to yelling after some back and forth arguing.. that's really strange behavior.

ETA: I wouldn't apologize for inviting to someone. I would just do what a PP said to let them know they are invited if their time permits and otherwise you would understand if they can't make it and leave it at that.

amberpro

What a mess.  I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  But at least you have a couple months for things to blow over a bit.  Some people thrive on drama.  

Honestly, I did not invite FMIL to the bridal luncheon.  It was more of a, "well, if we invite FMIL, then we should invite FI's aunts since we are inviting my aunt.  Then what about FSIL? Because we are inviting my sister and SIL.  Then if we do that, then..."  It was snowballing, and I would have felt bad inviting her to a lunch alone where it was all my friends and family.  So we just decided against it.  She won't be in town anyway, and this way she won't have to stress about it.  

Good luck figuring this out.  I agree with pp.  I would just say, "I thought it would be nice, but please feel no obligation.  I understand needing to host your out of town family.  Whatever you choose is fine."

bsn1752

Kick her in the knee... seems to be reasonable with the way that's she's acting!! 


I'm sorry this is going on, I wish there was some magical thing you could say to make it all better, but it really seems like you're "damned if you, damned if you don't"...

lvasilen

I think it was very nice of you to extend the invite. Honestly I would rather gouge my eyes out than invite my FMIL

I think she will calm down and either attend or not. She hopefully will realize how out of line her comments were.

Hester930

You have no control over someone else...and you're certainly not responsible for her emotional whirlwind.  With that said, you can clear this up by conveying to her that you are not placing any expectations on her to choose between daughters-in-law.  You completely understand her perspective and desire to entertain the extended family in the downtime.  It was an invite, you'd love for her to be there, but you will not hold any resentments whatsoever if she is unable to attend.  There will be PLENTY of future luncheons for the new mother/daughter-in-law duo to have!!!

juliebug1997

I was in your same boat a year ago (and even to this day):  I am darned if I do and darned if I don't. 

I emailed my MIL when she was still FMIL asking her if there were any special photos that she wanted of the wedding.  I wanted to ask this because I remembered her saying that she didn't have a picture of her with her daughter at that wedding.  I was rudely told that she didn't need any special shots except for those that were considered traditional.  I have never emailed her or FIL again. 

emimayor

I invited my MIL, but I also wasn't paying for it; a family friend hosted it for me. However, I would have invited her either way.

Why don't you invite your FSIL?

serlace

Why do weddings bring so much damn drama?!?  I would just leave it the way it is.  You told her she could go or not go, whichever was more convenient.  I don't think you are crazy and I do think she owes you an apology.  It sounds very frustrating.  If I knew my wedding was going to cause so much drama - I would have ELOPED!! 

awilkins78

I agree--There's nothing wrong with extending an invitation, and there's no reason she should feel obligated to accept it if she can't come.

But I would also say that it is likely that this drama is not really about a luncheon.  It's probably about something else (which may or may not have anything to do with you or the wedding).  Unless she's just crazy all the time, there is probably some other explanation for her losing her mind over this minor thing.  Either way, there's nothing you can do about it.  You did a nice thing by inviting her, and another nice thing by making sure she didn't feel obligated.  Now just let her do whatever it is that she's going to do.