Getting in Shape
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Tired of this whole getting in shape fiasco..

I have been having a really good day. I had a great weekend in terms of food, got up this morning to discover I've lost 4 lbs in the last week, and have been eating well. I go shopping after work with FI, and found something new I wanted to try that was within my calorie budget and avoided anything that didn't fit within my budget, which was REALLY hard.

I ask FI "Hey, do you want to try this for supper? It looks delicious!" He gives me a funny look and says "Actually, I have Pizza Hut at home that I'm going to have. I know you can't have that though, so you should totally have this new thing anyway".

GAH! It is SO unfair that he gets to eat whatever the heII he wants! He goes out for lunch with friends every day for beer on a patio somewhere, orders pizza every Thursday when friends come over, goes out at least one night each weekend for more beer and pub food. And I can't participate in any of these things, because I know if I set foot in those places I won't be able to be good.

The worst part is knowing that it's catching up with him and he's gaining a lot of weight, but I can't say anything to him about it. I know he's going to be where I am soon, which is overweight and struggling, but I don't know how to stop him getting there.

Ugh.. so frustrated.
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Re: Tired of this whole getting in shape fiasco..

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    Wow, that must be very hard having such an unsupportive fiance.  My FI eats crap food once or twice a week, but almost never when I am around.  Our biggest struggle is that once every three months when he hosts guys night, he brings a lot of junk food into the house (chips, soda, ice cream)--but this time he totally surprised me by taking it with him the next week when someone else was hosting.

    Has your FI had a physical exam, including cholesterol check, recently?  I ask because one reason mine is so complacent is that about a year and a half ago he had high cholesterol.  So even though he's thin, he is happy to watch what he eats and exercise with me.

    At any rate, don't give up just because he's insensitive.  There will come a time when he needs you to be a good role model for him.
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    NebbNebb member
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    My husband doesnt eat well at all except for meals I cook, and ive just come to terms with that. I will normally sneak a bite of what he is eating (pizza, chicken wings, etc), and move onto what I am eating myself. Sometimes I will eat with him, but only if ive worked it in and come to terms with it. It can be good to splurge sometimes, it keeps your body guessing and keeps you from binging. All you can really do is encourage him to eat better, but do what you need to do for yourself.
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    That stuff is banned in our house. He can eat whatever he wants while he's at work and out to dinner with friends, but it may not come into our house. Every now and then we'll have some cheats to keep myself from going insane (like right now we have chocolate chunk cookies). 

    Generally though, he's been good about not even bringing it in.
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    The thing is, he isn't what I would call unsupportive. He's very encouraging when I make progress, provides the gentle reminders I've asked him to provide when he notices I'm getting too far off track. In that way, I couldn't ask him to be more supportive.

    My issue is this irrational feeling that if I can't eat the good stuff, he shouldn't be eating it either - whether I'm around or not. I know it's ridiculous, and it absolutely calls for a "suck it up and get over it!!", but in a way this feels like a huge loss. A lot of our favourite things to do involve food. Now he is still doing all of those things and going to our favourite places, but he's doing it without me, which sucks.

    I'm just going to have to get over it, I know that. But sometimes you need to vent, you know?
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    NebbNebb member
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    Listening is what were here for so vent away! We all feel this way once in a while anyways, losing weight and changing your lifestyle isnt easy!
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    I agree that this a great place to vent but I disagree that you just need to get over it.  But maybe it is just because the idea of eating different dinners is completely foreign to me.  If we aren't in a restaurant, we eat the same thing, and it has been that way since we very first started dating.  If he is still hungry, he might make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich or have some nutella and toast, but it would never occur to either of us to eat different meals.  After all, what would we do when we have kids?  If the parents insist on special meals, they can't possibly expect the kids not to and it is very important to me not to have picky eaters for kids.  (I realize that not everyone plans on having kids, but if you are, I think this is something to consider.)
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    I think you should encourage FI to eat healthy with you. I've been w/FI for almost 7yrs & whenever we went on diets individually it never worked b/c we would see what the other was eating & get jealous/have to have it too. We have finally been successful & that was by doing it together. We made a lifestyle change & couldn't be happier. We still indulge, but we've learned to only do so on special occasions & in moderation. 
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    If you are concerned about your FI's health, I think you need to address that.  Personally, it would be hard to watch FI eat crap and not work out to the point that he was harming his health.  I want to grow old with him, so I need him to be healthy, and if he was living an unhealthy lifestyle, I would express my concern for his well-being.

    With that being said, FI can definitely get away with eating more than I can.  He's tall and muscular and he can eat a lot more than me and still lose weight.  I have been busting my a$s over the last 3 1/2 months to lose 26 lbs.  He cuts some snacks and decreases his portions ever so slightly and he loses 25 lbs in less 2 months.  Its just not fair in that respect.

    We plan ahead when we go out to dinner or drinks -- I'll eat smaller meals earlier in the day so I can enjoy a meal with him.  I might order a soup/salad, and when his fish and chips come, I take one bite of fish and a fry so that I can get the taste while still eating healthy.

    Also, I think its important that you find ways to enjoy each other that don't revolve around food.  Or find ways to be healthier with food.  FI and I hardly ever go out to eat anymore -- instead, we'll go grocery shopping together for meal ideas, and experiment with new foods to make healthier meals, and we'll cook together.  We've also been extremely involved in activities around the house (home improvements, yard work) so that we can spend time together and still be active.  Walks with the dog are also very relaxing.

    It sounds like you have good reason to be concerned.  I would try and involve your FI in some of your healthier habits.
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    I was in somewhat of the same situation as you...my FI was definitely supportive of me, but HE wasn't ready to start being healthier and getting in shape (just like I was not too long ago) - so it was hard for him to be 150% supportive.  It was hard for me too to not say anything when I noticed him gaining a little weight, etc...I didn't want him to feel like me...but luckily, about a month ago, on his own, he decided he wants to start counting calories and working out and now we are doing it together.  Just be patient - there really isn't much you can do right now!  He will come around eventually!
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    I think you should be gentle but let him know if he's letting his bad habits catch up with him. You would hope he'd do the same for you - right? FI and I gained and lost about 40 lbs together, and we both hold each other accountable on that third helping of dinner. During your marriage you'll have weight fluctuations and you'll need to be able to address them on both sides so they don't go out of control from being ignored. If FI gorges himself on something, I demand that he do 30 push-ups for me. He'll do the same to me. It's kind of fun, if you're competitive like us ;)
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