I'm trying really hard to keep up a positive attitude about my weight and trying to lose what I can, however fast or slow it's going to happen.
There are days, like today, when I just want to give up completely and just say fvck it. Losing less than 3lbs per month isn't cutting it. I don't see why I'm killing myself trying to work out, spending money I don't have to buy expensive meats and produce and whole grain foods that are supposed to be "good" for me.
I'm cleaning out my closet because it's a disaster. I am having to throw out or donate more than half my closet because I will never fit into those clothes again. And they're only size 18 and 16's.
I'm so tired of not only the weight yo-yo but the emotional peaks and valleys. For a while I'll get really psyched up, feel really great about things, and believe that maybe I CAN do this.... then I weigh myself or measure myself or try on some clothes and I realize that I CAN'T do this.
I don't know what to do... I know (hope) that this will pass and I'll get on a good track and finally see some REAL progress, but today I just want to quit. I'm ready to give up and just wear a friggin tent to my wedding.
Hell, right now I'm ready to cancel the wedding because I feel *that* bad. I don't have anyone in my RL that understands what I'm going through. FI tries his hardest to be supportive and understanding...some times it's not enough.
I'm sorry this has turned into such a long rant... I'm just feeling really defeated today and I need to get this off my chest before my little brain pops. Thanks for listening
