One of the fundamental things that I'm realizing is how really really hard it is to stop telling myself that i'll fail at eating right and taking care of myself well before I even begin. Even when I'm outwardly raring to go and excited to do it because I know it's right and I know i'll feel much better once I start, somewhere lurking in the back of my mind is a voice that is saying "You know this'll only last for about a month before you go back to eating greasy burgers and fries every day. You're just destined to be a fat slob because you're sooo pathetic."
I grew up near the beach, where swimsuit model body frame=pretty. Anything else=fat ugly slob. I was not one of those blessed with a naturally tiny body frame, I was destined to be a curvy girl. Which wasn't BAD, I look back at photos of myself from back when and I go "wow, I was actually really beautiful". I wasn't overweight, I wasn't fat. But everyone around me (my family included) convinced me that I was a cow, simply because I had to wear size 9 jeans instead of a size 1 or 3, and I had a little chub on my belly that made wearing a bikini a poor idea. So I started dieting early, about 12 or 13. Slim fast, weight watchers, atkins, you name it, I was doing it, because I'd convinced myself I was fat when I wasn't. I'm certain between some of the crazed plans I put myself on, I probably hurt my body a great deal.
Now, years later, my body has filled out. I'm at 195 pounds and 5'8 inches, so i'm even bigger than I ever was before. I know how to eat right, I know what I'm supposed to do and I know I'm capable of it. But that nasty voice is still there nagging me, and sending my yo-yo weight right back up when I give up on doing the right things. I'm not totally sure how to make it go away, I guess learning to love myself is a work in progress.
Anybody else have trouble learning to love yourself first? Any tips on silencing the little voice of negativity? Will duct tape work, that fixes everything right? lol