WWYD? ~super long~

donnamarie02

So when I was first engaged I did not pick a MOH. I did this because I did not have the heart to chose. Every wedding I've been in I've never been the MOH but ALWAYS the one the bride sought out for help, advice, showers, any and everything they needed. Everyone always picked their sister or friend they had since they were 2 or something like that. I didn't mind doing it but I always still wanted to be the one next to the bride on wedding day (silly I know). I did not want anyone to feel that way. I didn't want to pick one person and another do all the stereotypical MOH things b/c I've been in that position and its not always fun. 
   
Well, here is where I need advice, now I know who deserves the honor of MOH.  One of my girls has done nothing but give me help without me even asking. My entire family leaves out of state. This plannng process has been really hard without my mom and sister here to help. Also no one in either FI or my family has had a traditional wedding, so I really was thrown for a loop sometimes. She's been there for me to go on different appointments with vendors and when she couldn't make it, she even sent her mom in her place. She's gone to the bridal shows with me, helped me with projects, she even told the guy she is seeing that being with me and helpin is what's important to her right now so he can deal or move on (w/o my asking) just so many things. I mean even when she got her tax return back, she wanted to give me $1000!! She tried giving it to me b/c she wanted me to save it for her so she wouldn't spend it. She said she wanted to make sure that I got everything she wanted me to have. I told her that was to much so she gave me $800 instead! I really want to ask her to be my MOH.

I have 4 girls. My sister, his sister, and 2 girlfriends. My question is do you think me asking one girlfriend to be the MOH will make the other girlfriend feel bad? The 2nd girlfriend hasn't been to involved. She helped me pick a venue but that's it. Don't get me wrong I invite her to other things but she's always busy. Like I invited her dress shopping w/myself and the other girlfriend but she blew it off. Her FI decided he wanted to go to the zoo that day so she couldn't make it. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. I understand life goes on beyond my wedding. I just feel like the least I can do for girlfriend number 1 is make her MOH for putting her life on the backburner for me. I want to show her she is just as important to me as I am to her. I recently in a crying fit told her how great she was during her last random act of kindess regarding my wedding.  I think our sisters will understand b/c mine is so not involved b/c she's out of state and his sister is married w/4 kids. She's to busy for wedding stuff and I totally get that. So ladies what would you do ask or leave it the way it is?

angieandjames

I'm kind of the girlfriend in this situation, for a friend's wedding.  Her 2 sisters are maid/matron of honor, but she told me flat out, You're my real maid of honor.  If you're worried about offending someone else in your WP, you could have this personal chat with her, but not list it in the program, or anywhere else official - just line her up next to you at the rehearsal, and have it be a personal thing between you and her.  That said, I doubt the other people in the WP would be offended, but only you know them best.  Good luck

Terriniski

I guess my one question is whether your sister would mind based on criteria other than involvement in wedding planning.  There was an expectation in my family that one of my sisters would be my MOH (regardless of the fact that both were entirely uninvolved in wedding planning).  I had to go with that regardless of how close I was to other friends or who was most involved in helping me wedding plan.  If your sister or your family truly doesn't mind, I say go with the friend who has been uber helpful.  I don't think the other friend would be offended unless she has a longer/deeper history with you and has previously shared a sort of "best friend" status.

MarieSD

I voted other, because I have a question: who would you have asked to be MOH, if you'd had to decide before you started planning the wedding? If it would've been her anyway, or if it would have been a complete toss-up between them, then you're totally fine going ahead and asking the friend that's been so helpful.

But if it would have been the friend that hasn't really helped with the wedding, think about why you would've originally picked her. Was she helpful to you in the past? Were you just always closer to her? Really think back to what her friendship means to you, trying to get past the wedding planning for a minute. Maybe she has been equally helpful in the past and deserves to be honored for that just as much as the friend who is helping you now. I've heard of girls having two MOHs ... co-MOHs... that way you could honor them both if this is the case.

I think it's completely up to you how you pick the MOH. I personally picked one friend over the other, and I can't even remember my reason exactly. I think I just picked based who I thought would enjoy that role the most!

tam427

My best friend had 6 bridesmaids but did not name one "Maid of Honor" because her best friend growing up was kind of flaky and would definitely be upset if someone else was asked. She still stood next to her but some of the other BMs and I took on a lot of the duties like throwing the bachelorette party, shower, etc. Maybe you can get away with not having a MOH but just ask each bridesmaid to help out when you need it. That way no one's feelings get hurt.

Mariah&Steven

Personally, I wouldn't ask the girl to be my MOH if the only reason is because she's helped me so much during the WP process.  I chose my sister because she's been in my life from the beginning.  She's the person who's known me from day one, and someone I know I'll always have in my life and means the world to me.  It wasn't about, "Well, I'm only going to pick her to be my MOH because I know she's going to help me with all the WP stuff".  It shouldn't be about that.  Sure it's nice that your friend has helped out..but you should ask her if you know that she's going to be an important person in your life way on down the road.  And honestly, even if a person is MOH they're not automatically in charge of a bunch of WR crap.   So basically, what I'm trying to say is, I don't think you should ask your friend just because she's been there for you and done WR stuff for you.  It should be about relationships that you've had and will continue to have.  It should be about who you want standing right beside you when you say "I do". 

haley05aggie

I think you need to keep things the way they are.  If you go back and name your friend as MOH, it's almost like announcing to the other girls that they didn't make it rather than them finding out as everyone was asked to be in the wedding.

I'm sure your relationship with your friends is different than mine, but I don't know anyone who puts a lot of importance on the MOH title.  They are all important to you or they wouldn't be up there.  No offense, but I think you are making it a bigger deal than it needs to be and risking upsetting some girls who care about you just as much but couldn't help with wedding planning.