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Is my fiance's first dance choice inappropriate?

Like most brides, I've been making the bulk of the decisions about our wedding (with my fiance's go-aheadt, of course....)  However, one thing that I gave him free reign over was our first dance song.  I told him he could pick.

So, the song that he's come up with is "where do you go to my lovely" by Peter Sartdst


He wanted a waltz and really loves the overall feel of the song.  he says it makes him feel really happy and that's what he wants to dance to with me.  

Well, fair enough.  I think it sounds very nice, too.  The problem is that I interpret the lyrics a bit differently than him and feel that the meaning of the song is actually quite depressing and definitely does not paint a great picture of the woman in the story.  in my opinion, it's about a girl who doesn't care about her past and only cares about material things.  He thinks i'm digging too deep and doesn't think anyone would take it like that just upon hearing it played at our dance.  He thinks that when you take it on face value, it's just about two people from the same background, trying to make it in the world, who understand each other in a way others don't...

So, I'd really love your thoughts on this.  When I told him my concerns I think he was a bit hurt.  He, understandably feels like I've gotten to pick most things and he felt like the one thing he really cared about, I'm shooting down.  So, am I totally over-thinking this and overreacting?  Or is this an inappropriate choice for a first dance?  

Thanks for your time!!!

Re: Is my fiance's first dance choice inappropriate?

  • MsBunny312MsBunny312 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I listened and I don't think I interpret it quite the same as either you or your fiance. It's an interesting song, not something I'd normally associate with a first dance, but I don't think that rules it out. I don't think people will be listening very closely to the lyrics. More likely they will be taking pictures, talking among themselves, and having a good time. The song has a pretty melody and a nice beat. Overall, I think it will work out just fine for your first dance. Plus, it'll make your fiance very happy.
  • LabrnrLabrnr member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I have given my FI free range over the first song also.  The difference with us is that It will be a surpirse to me, and I won't hear it till we're actually dancing to it.

    I'm glad we are doing it this way, because i'm afraid i won't agree with him and will also pick apart the song and the meaning.

    I would say just go with it. MsBunny312 is right no one will actually be paying attention to the lyrics, listen to the song again but with what your FI has said about it and how it makes him feel, maybe you will hear it in a new way.

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  • edited December 2011
    I like it. I don't think I interpret it the same as either of you, as a pp said, but I like it. If you hate it though, and aren't just having thoughts, I say talk to your FI. He probably wouldn't want you to have something you hated on your wedding day, just as you wouldn't want him to have something he hated either.
  • edited December 2011
    Definitely not a typical first dance pick! I can appreciate the song - great melody, etc. However, I agree with you - I don't think the sentiment is at all flattering. Moreover, it doesn't really seem appropriate - sounds more like a man pining over a superficial (and perhaps callous) woman. Not exactly what you want to celebrate a union... Maybe you could suggest something else? Or is there a song you and your fiance have liked in the past (instead of picking something new)?
  • kristinkielkristinkiel member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If it really makes you feel uncomfortable, ask him if you can play the song at another point during the reception. I can see where you are coming from - I wouldn't pick a song without considering the lyrics too.
  • wld4ubabaywld4ubabay member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would never even play that song at my wedding much less dance my first dance to it. I agree with you the words are about a man who is calling his former sweetheart a vain woman and although he is still pining for her because he knows where she came from she is not the woman he loves anymore. Not appropriate for a wedding at all, and yes when everyone is doing nothing but watching your first dance they will be listening to the song especially if they have never heard it before. My cousin chose Blue October Calling you for her first dance with her husband and he sang the song quietly to her the entire time they were dancing and everyone was talking about the lyrics and how they fit them perfectly while they were dancing.
  • edited December 2011
    I can definitely see it be interpreted that way, but I can see it also being interpreted as a song about a girl who loves the finer things in life but who has a man who loves her for who she is and knows everything about her, even her not so well-to-do up-bringing.  It's sweet....not one that I would think of as a first dance song, but I think that if your fiance really has his heart set on it, then I don't see anything wrong with using it.
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  • edited December 2011
    If it works for both of you, then you should do it. Sometimes you have to make compromises. I don't particularly agree with FI's choice of song, but I have come up with an idea that pleases both of us. We are doing 2 songs, our first song will be one he picks, and he wants 'Smack That" by Akon... so we are doing smack that, by Akon! (Choreographed of course, because that is what he wants)
    It is totally us and our family and friends know this. Maybe the g/parents will be shocked, but no one else.  
    The second song will be our last dance and my choice and it will be something slower and more romantic, maybe 98 degrees, "I Do" or Bon Jovi's "thank you for loving me".

    You should go for something you both agree on. This is a very special day for both of you. If you don't like, he should understand, Vice Versa..

    Or you can do what I did, that way, you both win!

  • heath1026heath1026 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    IMO, I don't think it's fair to give him "free reign" over something and then take that back.  He picked it for a reason, so go with it.  No one will notice the lyrics and it'll make him happy.
  • edited December 2011
    You did give him free reign, but this is a pretty important moment and I don't think it should be something you're not comfortable with.  if it's just not your favorite song, fine, give in, but if you really feel unhappy with it you should talk to him.  We had a not-so-typical song with kind of funny lyrics, but they were meaningful to us.

    I am super opposed to the "free reign" atttitude for weddings - all the "you don't get a say in the wedding party/clothes/etc., its up to the other person even if you don't like it" - that to me is not the way to start a marriage; you're a team and should be making decisions together even if you delegate responsibility for different tasks to each other. Sorry, kind of a rant - that's just my thought...
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  • edited December 2011


     You love this man right? whether the song is appropriate or not shouldnt be the problem. If he likes it and it makes him feel positive feelings towards you then you should be happy. Who cares what other people think the song means. You know what he thinks it means and that is all that matters. I think its cute!
  • edited December 2011
    aww, let him go with that song!  honestly you (being the bride) would be the only person to analyze it that much.  if it is meaningful to him, and is a generally romantic song, there's nothing wrong with it at all.
  • alina_macalina_mac member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I like it. I can see what you mean. But as a wedding guest who just heard it for the first time, all i heard was a romantic melody, "diamonds and pearls in her hair....," "her loveliness goes on and on...."  As long as you shorten it to before he says "I wonder if they would care or give a damn," then it just sounds like a beautiful song about a guy who loves a girl. Plus, it must mean something to your FI. 

    Good luck!
  • edited December 2011

         Not Inapropriate!!  It's your first dance- girl, y'all should use something that speaks to you as a couple (and that's a cute song anyway). 

         If you think older people might be offended, maybe you could edit out the offending lyrics, or if a band will be singing- ask them to skip over the "bad parts". 

      I am having a very traditional Catholic wedding with 400 guests and a reception at the Ritz Carlton and we might be dancing to the Johnny Cash song I played on the jukebox the first night we went out.

        I think it's important to make sure we don't forget the guy we are marrying in all the flurry of planning.  And may I just say that if I have to hear "You look Wonderful Tonight," for one more first dance, I might be ill. 

    Good Luck!

  • edited December 2011
    Personally, I love this song and I think it would make a really unique first dance choice. But if you don't feel it's the right song for you, then it's not - and you need to find one that you'reboth comfortable with. I wonder, has your fiance seen The Darjeeling Limited, the comedy? The song was played all over again in the film:  twice in the first 13 minutes alone (the first 13 minutes of the film are a separate short film, which can be viewed here, in case you're interested to see: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7188804047130160056#docid=-8124845726948688370)

    Maybe you could come up with similar options and listen to them with your fiance? One song that came to my mind is Leonard Cohen's Take this waltz. I think it has a similar feel to it, and it's a very romantic song as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUtgjjj75_Q

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