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Fiance Doesnt want Engagement Pics..

My fiance HATES taking pictures! Its his number one pet peeve! He hates the posing and the fake smiling. He does not want to do engagement pictures at all and if it was up to him no wedding pictures! He thinks "our memmories should be enough"

I told him we HAVE to have pictures the day of the wedding.. too bad!
Should i comprimise and not have engagement pics? What would i use for save the dates? Doesnt every couple do enagement pics? Shouldnt he just suck it up for an hour or two and say cheese???? for me??

Re: Fiance Doesnt want Engagement Pics..

  • edited December 2011
    I'd find out more about what makes him especially uncomfortable. If it's just the posing, then look for a more photojournalistic wedding photographer (whitney lee in Austin does some great photojournalistic-style stuff if you need a starting point). Maybe compromise and eliminate (or minimize) the "she-with-her-bridesmaids-he-with-the-groomsmen" style posed photography. See if you can get him into a meeting with a good photographer whose work he actually seemed to like. It doesn't have to be like yearbook photos if that makes him uncomfortable.

    PS: Two of my cousins used save the dates. The one with photos looks VERY tacky, the one that didn't have them looks great. You don't *have*  to use photos at all. My engagement announcement (long story, but served the same purpose) just had an old photo I liked of our hands entwined.
  • kimp67kimp67 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We're not doing e-pics.  I would like to have a few for us & probably my mom, but other than that I don't know what I would do with them all.  BTW, we're not doing stds either.  So, I voted no.  I would compromise & tell him no e-pics, but definately wedding pics!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Give to get.  My daughter got engagement photos taken.  We did save the dates and shenput them on the walls of her house.  One year later...1200 wedding photos.  The engagement pictures get minimized and the wedding photos take the wall space.  Now she has 300 engagement photos to do what with?  I've gotten charming STD's without photos on them.

    You want the wedding photos more!  They are the physical reminder of the actual day that you started your lives together. 

    Offer a compromise...engagement photos gone in return for joyful participation in wedding photos!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • digiraindigirain member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You don't HAVE to do e pics by any means. You can use a nonprofessional photo of the two of you that you love and stick that on your STDs, or do a STD without a photo. Have you picked a photographer yet? Because some of them throw in the e pics for free when you book your wedding with them (and then you might as well do the e pics!) Another reason to do them is to get more comfortable with your photographer so it's not awkward on your wedding day (which might be good with your FI).

    I had a photo-reluctant FI too... and he was awesome. But, looking back on it (although we haven't gotten the photos back yet) we shouldn't have bothered with the e pics, I should have just used one of the pics from our adventures together.

    Definitely, definitely get the wedding photos though!
  • amy727amy727 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wasn't into the idea of engagement pictures either.  My photographer said he suggests doing them because he can give you tips of what to do and not do while getting photographed.  He also wanted to get to know me and my FI so we are more comfortable on our wedding day. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    we're doing engagement pictures in nov. but we already sent our save the dates out.  We used pictures of us together that showed our personality...we're really outgoing and love to have fun so we used a picture of us at an 80's themed party and one from New Years 2 years ago....everyone loved them! :)  the picture below is our save the date.  Just so you know I actually took out our last names from the STD for our protection hehe :) thats why the wording looks kinda weird.  So getting to my point if you guys dont' do engagement pictures try to get a couple of pictures of you both together and use those for the STD :)

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  • edited December 2011
    Find a photographer with a photojournalistic style who is great at taking candids. We also aren't fans of posed photos and plan to just go out and do fun things and have our photographers follow us around as we hit our favorite hot spots.
  • naomikbnaomikb member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree, some engagement pics can be super-cheesy.  I have been trying to sell it to my fiance as a "practice run" for the wedding day, so we can have a couple hours to get together with our wedding photographer, figure out his style, he can get an idea of what we want, and we can look at the pictures after and say "oh, I look fat from my left side, let's take them from the other side" or "I need to try to smile not so cheesily", before the wedding pictures which we can't change afterwards!  Wow, that was a long sentence.  My fiance has acknowledged that for these "practic" reasons it's a good idea to do an engagement shoot, even if we don't use the pictures for much other than Christmas presents and facebook posting (we aren't planning on photo save-the-dates or invitations or an engagement picture signing at the reception).

  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_photos-video_fiance-doesnt-want-engagement-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:30Discussion:91320e4c-73b3-4464-bbfa-83431e16ada3Post:0baca02c-6024-4a3b-a4cc-c555352c57ff">Fiance Doesnt want Engagement Pics..</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance HATES taking pictures! Its his number one pet peeve! He hates the posing and the fake smiling. He does not want to do engagement pictures at all and if it was up to him no wedding pictures! He thinks "our memmories should be enough" I told him we HAVE to have pictures the day of the wedding.. too bad! Should i comprimise and not have engagement pics? What would i use for save the dates? Doesnt every couple do enagement pics? Shouldnt he just suck it up for an hour or two and say cheese???? for me??
    Posted by sayboo22[/QUOTE]

    Marriage is about compromise, so in this case I think you should respect his wishes of no e-pics and agree to have wedding ones done. Wedding photos are more important than e-pics anyways, lots of people don't do engagement photoshoots. They're a nice extra, but not necessary.

    So using your terms I vote that you "suck it up" and give up the e-pics for him. He's one half of this marriage too.

  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    We didn't have engagement pics--or STDs, for that matter.  However, you might suggest to your FI that an engagement session is a good way to make sure before the wedding itself whether the wedding photographer can find ways to get nonposed photos without fake smiling in them.  If s/he can't manage that at the engagement session, then maybe you need to pick someone else for the wedding photographer.

    I know that when we were considering photographers, we looked seriously at two of them.  We thought one was technically a little better.  However, the other one (the one we picked) seemed to be able to capture the joy in the wedding better.  And NotFroofy, who never likes pictures of herself, was very pleased with the ones he took.

    I didn't vote in your poll, because I don't think there is one "right" answer to this.  Ultimately, you may decide this one is not worth fighting over, in exchange for his doing things your way in some other area, or vice versa.  However, I think what I've discussed above may be one more thing for him/you to think about.
  • drphotodrphoto member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I can understand your fiance's dislike of having his picture taken.  I'm a professional wedding photographer and I can explain why you really want to do the engagement session.  This is your one shot at building a repore with someone that you're going to spend 6-10 hours with on one of the most important days of your lives.  You want to make sure that he or she isn't going to drive you nutz.  You want to make sure that the photos he takes during the engagement session are promptly turned around.  Make sure you like the photos he takes during the session.  Engagement sessions are a breeze compaired to shooting a wedding, so, the photos better look great.  The engagement session also gives the photographer an opportunity to work with you and see how you are best photographed.  If for any reason you are not happy with the engagement session you will still have plenty of time to find another photographer. Don't pass up this opportunity to have a dry run with one of your most important vendors. 

    Best of luck,
    Corey Schwartz
    www.desertridgephotography.com
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